Suicidal??

[Jeannine.......Hi Monica]

Hi & Thanks for your time,

I have been suffering from depression for about 1 & 1/2yrs.
I have been chronically ill w/chronic pain for about
2yrs now.In the past year I have sought out help. I go to a
LCSW for counseling and I see a psycopharmacologist for
medication. I have been taking Celexa 30mg a day for about
7mo's now.

I recently came very close to ending my life. Even though I go through the motions of counseling and my life ect. I still do not want to live. I see no point to suffering the rest of my life
and I dont want too. I keep going through my belongings and
getting rid of as much junk as I can so when Im gone there
will not be alot of stuff to deal with.I really have no desire
to be alive, it is terrible for me.I sometimes even get angry
at my parents for bringing me into this world, I really wish I was never born.I have been tapering off of the Celexa as I
can not afford the Dr. anymore,his prices are going up. I do
not think any medication can trick me into wanting to live,
sick and in pain.I dont really have any desire to live.
Is this suicidal? Is it possible to feel suicidal every day?
Im at a loss.....Jenny

[Yana Ferrier]

Hi my name is Yana.  I'm a stupid slut and sleep around with every boy.  I **** tease all the boys in my grade and I think that it is so funny and the boys think that they have a chance with me, but they don't.  I'm too good for them all.
But lately I have noticed that the boys have not been flirting with me.  Im very depressed and I keep thinking about the boys, and how I **** tease them to **** the girls off.  Kate, Sophie and Madeline, think that they are so good because they are having sex.  Well I think that Arron, Kates boyfriend loves me becuase when Kate and him broke up, he picked me up on the camping trip.  And well Spophie thinks that Timmy loves her by comming in every weekend.  Well I have news for her, he does it for the sex.  And Tom, Sophie's ex-boyfriend was also in it for the sex.  Now there is Madeline, who loves this boy,Tony.  He asked her for sex at a party but she said no because she was used for sex several times by this guy called Kris. She lost her virginity to him the first time they kissed!!!  How despicable!! And now she thinks she can get Tony back by writing him a letter and spilling her feelings out to him.  Well those girls could easily get pregnant, How stupid are they?  
Please you have to help me because my only friend is a dog called Brock.  
I'm ready to end my messed up life VERY soon!!!!!!!!!
HELP, HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Yana Ferrier]

hi my name is yana. I'm a stupid slut and sleep around with every boy.  I **** tease all the boys in my grade and I think that it is so funny and the boys think that they have a chance with me but they don't, I"M TOO GOOD.

But lately I have noticed that the boys have not been flirting with me.  I'm very depressed and I keep think about the boys, and how I **** tease them, to **** the girls off.  Kate, Sophie and Madeline  think that they are so good because they are having sex.  Well I think that Arron loves me, because when Kate and Him broke up, Arron kissed me on the camping trip.And well Sophie thinks that Timmy loves her by comming in every weekend will I have news for you, he does it for the sex.  And well Tom, Sophie ex-boyfriend was also in it for the sex.  Please help me I don't think I can last any longer without the boys and me **** teasing them.  I'll kill myself.  HELP HELP

[Susan]

Jenny,

I hope you read this although this question is way down on the list.  I hope you are doing better, but if you are not I wanted to let you know there is hope!  I care about you, even though I have never met you.  My daughter's name is Jenny. I suffered indescribable terror and depression for about 16 years! The depression was horrible but the fear was paralizing and debilitating.   I don't know how I lived through it.  I literally had to keep myself from killing myself.  I was suicidal often and did end up cutting my wrist.  Not enough to die, though.  I begged God to let me die a million times.  I wished for death every day.  Not because I wanted to die, but because it hurt so much to live.    BUT!  Today I am so happy.  The depression is gone, the fear is gone.  I would never have guessed it was possible after I had gone through so much.  I pray that you will hang in there. There is help for you too, somewhere. They had to try probably at least 20 antidepressants on me before they found the right one.  Do whatever you can and get the help you need!  Please comment so I can know you are OK and how you are doing.

I'll pray for you!  Susan

[Jerry]

Hi Jenny,  I too am suicidal,in thought,i know what you are going through. I am suffering from Panic attacks and no medicine works.now they put me on Riperdal a antipsychotic. it made me worse A terrible drug with dangerous side effects. today i ended up in the hospital again, For 5 years i am going through this hell. And i made a promise that if in 2 years or less nothing works i will shoot myself.sure its easy for healthy people to object,but they are not suffering.and if nothing helps why suffer,its not selfish to kill yourself. We all must die anyway .

[Seeking Peace Also]

Not a day goes by that I don't think about suicide. I long for the peace.  For me, talking doesn't help.  What is there to say? "I feel so much pain"? They know that. What can they say?
"Gee, that's too bad.  I'm sorry you feel that way". Nothing helps and nothing changes.

I've reached the point where I'm so dysfunctional that I'm about to become a burden on my family and society.  I'm going to try and unburden myself of all my possessions so that all I have to worry about is me and what I'm going to do about me.

I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone. Catch you on the flip side.

[(jenny)- thanks]

Thank you both for your comments. I am doing a bit better.
I tried Remeron a few days ago, unfortunatly I had a
very bad reaction so Im back at square one. I will keep
trying. Thanks again!
Jenny

[Betty]

Hang in there been there I am in the same boat as you, if I did not have god in my life I know what could happen, when I get to thinking about sucide now I think of my kids and grand kids and how ever one would be feeling and going thur if it was over, I love my family to much for that, hang in

[Alex]

Your story sounds very similar to mine.  I have been furiously searching for a purpose in life, and have yet to find one.  The only Medicine that has helped is depakote, but taking it is like admitting I have something wrong with me.  (As if I don't)  There are places to obtain free medication based on income.  Search for The National Institute of Mental Health.  They have a lot of info and help for people with little or no money.  Wouldn't it be terribly sad if money was the only thing keeping you from really living...or wanting to live again?  Just a thought.  I am a several times over suicide survivor.  I deal with wanting to die everyday.  The people at hospitals and loved ones really freak on you after you attempt to take your life.  Now I tell them that I am feeling ready to do the dead and they try to be around me and help.  Get me to a doctor if required.  Don't give up yet.  Do some research...there is a lot out there.  Just don't give up without making an educational decision.  Contact a crisis line (found in the front of the phone book).  Try to get some real help first.  Please!!!  I am gonna do the same thing.  You are not alone on your journey.  Hugs and best wishes, Alexandria

[HFHS-M.D.-HG]

Dear Jenny,

It must be very difficult for you to be suffering from a chronic illness with pain. From the information that is provided, it seems that you are suffering from a depressive disorder. A severely depressed person can feel suicidal most of the time if not treated. Suicidal ideations  particularly with a plan need to be addressed immediately. There are several medications that are available in the market for treatment of depression that are proven to be safe and effective. A combination of medications and psychotherapy  would be helpful. I would recommend that you call crisis line or go to the Emergency  room , if you are unable to control your  suicidal thoughts. We can cure depression, so don't give up. I would recommend that you contact   your local Community Mental Health center  for scheduling an appointment for ongoing treatment. I wish you Good Luck.

Sincerely
HFHS-M.D.