Suididal ideations due to financial and marital problems

[iriss]

I am a college educated woman and my husband has a degree from the top business school in the world.  We were living on top of the world for many years and had money for everything (expensive home, private school for the kids, vacation, etc). My earning potential as a health care worker is limited and my husband has fallen upon very difficult times in the last 3 years (he's a stock broker).  He is earning less than I am.  While we have a lot of assets and are far from being on welfare, the change in our lifestyle is very upsetting to me. We are trying to sell our home and move into a more modest one, we have already cut expenses and will need to cut more.  All of this is putting great strain on our relationship and I think our marriage is unraveling. My husband has a history of anxiety and depression (which I found out about 8 years into the marriage).  We are driving each other crazy. We have two young teenager. I feel as if this is the Great Depression all over again and have considered jumping off a bridge, taking an overdose and variuos other methods. I am in my 40's and had terrible times in my 20's(when I was single) and had the same suididal thoughts. (My childhood and my 30's were the only happy times in my life). I never attempted suicide and don't think I will kill myself, but it's comforting for me to know that it's a way out of my pain.
I think I am driving my husband crazy and he is full of verbal abuse.  We are in marriage counseling, but I don't think it's helping.
The only thing holding me back from killing myself are my children..I can't bear the thought of them losing their mother.
My life is unraveling before my eyes. If I have suicidal thoughts and an actual plan, does that mean I will kill myself? That is my question.
Thanks

[iron maiden]

My husband died last year in March after suffering with mental and physical illness.  Three months before he died I began to take paxil. Three months after he died I meet someone and quit taking my paxil. By December of last year I was so depressed I was put on prozac. I don't think I have a inner problem with depression, I feel like all my problems come from outside sources. I worry about the conseqences of takeing these medications. Is there any alternative to this? My current relationship is in crisis and I fear the loss of another loved one.

[kchida]

As a self-supporting college student, I've learned many important lessons about life and money.  Money can't buy happieness.  However, lacking the proper income to make a decent living and the inablility to pay for certain neccesities can be VERY depressing. So, as long as you're eating, sleeping under a solid roof and can afford to take care of the kids, your doing just fine.  I catch myself dreaming about becoming rich someday but then I realize that it doesn't mean that I'll be happy. Just remember, happieness is free, you just have to find it within you.  Also, to the guy that made the super distasteful comment, turn your parents into the cops for abusing you when you were a child.

[pv]

Ignore the comments of the person before me....he or she has no right to judge you in that way.  I completely understand your situation and am in a similar one myself.  I have a wonderful job, three beautiful children, and I am happily married.  But for whatever reason I was unable to handle the stress---financial and otherwise that life brought my way.  I was put on 150mg of Wellbutrin last May (because I was so afraid of SSRI's) and it worked ok...but recently the anxiety levels have been more that I can deal with.  Now granted, I have many reasons to be anxious and worry...but when I obsessively worry and think about these things, it really interferes with my life.  So today I finally gave in and filled the Prozac prescription (10 mg) and we will see if it also helps.  I am also interviewing psychologists to try and find the right one for me.  I am looking for a treatment team (psychiatrist and psychologist) that will help me come up with a plan for treatment.  I won't accept that I am going to be on these drugs forever.  And I am looking forward to feeling better in the future...

pv

[ben1979]

Classic case of a rich, snobby, stuck up lady whos mad and "depressed" that she cant have her freakin $80k  mercedes to flaunt around in sight of less fortunate people. I feel sorry for you..I really do. I mean ..no more tea parties and golf lessons :( Sorry.. I hope all gets better!

[mindwarrior]

Hi

I know how you're going through.... although I'm in a situation no better than you are.

I never knew I am suffering from chronic anxiety and depression until today, when I realized how bad it has been.

Taking my life is always a tendency, granted, anytime..... But I considered it messy. I'm not discouraging you but a reflection of my thoughts.

Waiting for the phone to ring seemed forever...
Running away from problems seemed constant.
I wish I'm never born.

Thanks for telling me that I'm not alone.
And I hope that you know you're not alone too.

If we must die.... let it be not over a problem,
because it shows me how really weak I can be.

[Koala]

I sit here crying from a bad panic attack and want to say a few things...I'm sorry you feel as you do I am in a horrible hellish place in my life right now I have bad panic attacks and anxiety...anyway I have had a few people I knew kill themselves the aftermath of what was left behind was terrible....don't do it to your kids if for no other reason...but I have another personal theory about people who say they wanna kill themselves, they really more deeply want help, cuz the ones I knew who are dead didnt tell anyone before hand....no one no marrage no house or $$$ or car is worth taking your life...I know, I have been there done that so to speak, I use to cut myself and hit myself and think of snuffing myself but I'm still here and life is hell but I'm here and until the good lord calls me I will be here.
Please do what it take to get away from the roots that make you feel this way....seek help. I will pray for you.
Love and God bless you,
Paul,
***@****

[Buzzito]

Sharon,

I suffered an episode of depression while an adolescent and am truly lucky to have survivied. Iit brought me to work in the mental health field where I feel I am meant to be and where I feel I truly make a difference.  I thank you for your kinds words.

I am comforted to know you are a strong person, and truly sense you will move on from this difficult time and flourish once again.  

My heart goes out to you and wish all the best.

Buzzito

[Buzzito]

Sharon,

Your courage in speaking out so candidly is heartwarming and brave as well.  Becaue you have ideations and a plan does not mean you WILL commit suicide.  Intent is another factor and combined with the other two (ideations/plan) puts one at high risk.  You ought to voice these issues with a competent therapist without a doubt however.

The fact you recognize this as an "escape fantasy" is important.  It is a source of relief and comforting as well.  Please always keep this in perspective though.  

Many things can put one at risk of suicide and ought to be fully discussed with a professional.  The professional has a legal and moral responsibility to work with you on this-a most sensitive an serious feeling.

This is light at the other end of the tunnel ... trust one who has walked through those feelings.

Buzz

[sharon3845]

Buzz,
Your post voicing support was heartwarming and valiant in the end when you confessed to being in the same boat as I'm in.
Every day turns out to be a different day for me.  Most days I have strength and very occasionally I am deeply depressed and crying.
I feel I am strong, but the slightest bit of bad news, such as a cancer diagnosis would throw me off the deep end. Fortunately, I am physically healthy.

[picklelady]

I understand and have the same problems. I have been divorced for a year,and I still want to go home. We were married for 22 years,and sometimes the loneliness is killing me.My father died this year,my daughter moved to Texas,and I went back to college.I thought I could fill the emptiness,but it doesn't work.I take Prozac,Wellbutrin,Ativan and Adderal from my psychiatrist,but I still would rather be dead.

[sharon3845]

Thank you everyone, and especially Christie for her quote, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."  The problem is that sometimes my problems seem permanent with no solution in sight (and not temporary)
When I posted my message about suicidal ideations over the weekend, I was feeling miserable.  Most days are much better and I am thankful I am still here.  
They say that those when someone has a suicide plan, it means they are serious.  I have a plan, but don't think I would kill myself.  I am comforted by the thought that I can if things every become too unbearable.
At this point, my job is my realease; my outlet away from all my problems.

[roadmind]

Hi Sharon,

I read your post and couldn't help but admire your inner strength and intelligence that came through the lines. I am a great believer in therapy because words can heal.  Knowing what words to say and what to talk about in therapy are key. While both you and your husband are in couples therapy, it may be that each of you needs to be in individual, personal therapy with a therapist who can help you. A marriage is made up of two people, each with their own particular issues and personal life situation.  Each must be willing to help themselves before they can truly understand what love is.

Having thoughts of suicide and thinking about how to do it does not necessarily mean that the person will do it.  Perhaps you feel that in a moment of pain and desperation that you will lost control.  Personal, supportive therapy with a good therapist will help you through these difficult times.  Go to one now, and receive the support you and your family deserve.

Life is worth living and gives an opportunity to grow and help others.

Peace,

roadmind

[nurse12hr]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

Always remember that.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

In addition to marriage counseling, you should be seeing your own therapist.  And you should be doing that immediately...don't hesitate.  I can't make any other comments now because I don't know enough about you, but therapy is what you need.  Adjusting downward is difficult enough, but when it ends up straining the marriage like this, you need all the help you can get.

[inter nos intra muros]

Hi. I am sorry you are having such a hard time in life right now, but I believe things happen for a reason. You may not see it right away but eventually you will. Your kids and husband (even though you are butting heads) do need you.

Your husband, you said, has depression but does he keep control of it? Maybe thats why marriage counseling is not working, unless neither one of you are being completely honest about whats really the root of the problem between you both. I am not a doctor but I have alot of mental issues that I won't go into right now and for a little while family issues.

Sometimes I just had to step back and look at how much I really accomplished with my husband and remind myself why I chose him. I then had a long talk with him and we both relized we could make it through anything when we stayed on the same page if you know what I mean. Now when we find ourselves in a tough spot instead of pushing each other away (or in your husbands case using verbal abuse), we work together and let it make our marriage stronger.

Now to your question "Does having thoughts and a plan mean you will do something?", from experience from many years of severe depression with psychosis which is a constant battle even now, I can honestly say I have always had multiply plans from day one......but I am still here. Why, because somewhere in my head I believe it can be better and I don't want to miss out on all the knowledge I can gain from the inner strength I know I have even though it gets covered with all the BS from my own mind trying to convince me otherwise. Does that mean I haven't actually went as far as to cut myself or take to many pills to count? NO! But...I think sometimes I just wanted to know if it was all a bad dream or I wanted to prove to myself in someway I had control. To me there is a false sence of comfort in thinking it will end the pain, who knows if what is on the other side will solve the problems you have now or create more? But I can relate because sometimes those same thoughts cross my mind.

Sorry this is so long, the point is it's not worth it, you are here for a reason, stay around and find out why! Besides doing what I did only made me sick at my stomach and I am tried of all the questions about my scars that I can't take away.

Have faith in yourself....you've made it this far and from what I read you've accomplished alot, BELIEVE ME you can go further!
inter nos intra muros