Too many to count

[Lola567]

Hello I am 19 years old and i have been dealing with many emotional issues since i think middle school. where i used to yell bad things about myself in a pillow while crying. my self esteem is non existent. I definitely dont love myself in fact i dont quite understand how thats possible what it means to love yourself. i have great anxiety when im around others. I try not to talk because im so scared of saying something wrong. and then hating myself even more afterwards. i cry a lot usually at night time but i also cry in the day. sometimes i think about how i could hurt myself although i wont ever do it, because i dont want it to be an addiction. sometimes i imagine in my head a small thread wrapped tightly around my neck and then pulled until although i dont see it im pretty sure my head becomes severed. sometimes i smile when i think of myself in physical pain then i realize i am smiling and then stop. I also always feel that everyone hates me. and im very aware of everyones facial expressions, it always seems to be a face of dissapproval to me. people often tell me that i look sad, like the saddest person in the world they say or that i am robotic looking. some even claim that my eyes appear teary. My mom once told me that when im around others she once  watched me she said i look as though i am trying my hardest to concentrate trying to talk it looks like a struggle. which it truly is. I have problems sleeping, i hardly eat( it has always been that way), i am always tired, very introverted its a chore being around others, id rather be alone, my memory is TERRIBLE. my focus is also very bad. i tend to think not about what i am doing but about emotions or how others view me all day (im not sure if that is normal)etc. I was going to go to the psychiatrist but im very scared, im not sure why? im hoping to get better on my own although i dont know if this is possible i dont know if this is just something normal? If it isnt normal please tell me whats wrong with me?

[zack32]

Hi,
I had similar feelings when I was younger. I am now 32. The Doctor gives good advice and I will encourage you to get help if you can. Talking to your parents about how you feel can be scary, however they now you best and should be able to help a great deal. If it is just to hard to speak up try doing some reading. Jehovah's Witnesses have a great book entitled " Questions Young People Ask, Answers That Work" that has even helped me with certain issues as an adult. If you know of someone who is a Witness you can contact them to receive this book(free of charge). You are also welcome to ask me for it or I can give you the official web site to go to and you can request a copy for yourself (free of charge). Please do not let the term Jehovah's Witnesses scare you. If all you want is the book for the advice it contains that is fine and you never have to hear from them again. I hope that all goes well no matter what you decide and that you can find comfort and happiness.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You should definetly seek help for this...there are many ways a psychiatrist can help you over this hypercritical part of yourself that is causing you so much pain, including medication and talk therapy...be sure to get help, this is not something you can easily do on your own.