My husband was raised in an undiagnosed bipolar family

[MrsSG]

My mother in law was diagnosed with Bipolar shortly after our first son was born 10 years ago. Until then, she was overly friendly and kind to me, but seemed to "start trouble" once the baby came into the picture.She even went so far as to start telling lies to us while visiting during the baby's first Christmas insinuating to me that my huband was having an affair. She ruined the holiday to the point I was packed and ready to leave him. My husband is actually her only birth child but there are three step siblings (she raised from preshool years.) The other siblings warned me several times of how she "was never going to leave us alone" once we decided to relocate( 4 years ago)  back to our hometown (so we could be closer to my parents.) Over the last 10years her behavior has gone from bad to worse . The family seems to enable her to continue being inconsistant with meds and alcohol consumption. Due to conflicts with her and her episodes I have felt strongly about limiting the time we spend with her. I am constantly having my feelings hurt and spend uncomfortable holidays etc. My husband avoids her calls for weeks on end yet her hurtful remarks via email and phone seem to target me and not my hubby and children. The spouses of the "steps" are suffering the same way. None of the family will address this. My husband literally covers his head with a blanket and goes to sleep when the subject is brought up. I am having trouble interpreting the behaviors of this family, and I am worried that my huband's inability to address the isses (as they occur) shows signs of mental health issues. Where can I start to get my family on track to save our selves? I feel very alone, but I am ready to find some support for my huband and family so we can stay healthy and/or see the signs of this disease in our children or my huband.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I would not be so quick to diagnose your husband's behavior as a disease.  He is probably as overwhelmed by his mother's behavior as you are and cannot figure out what to do so each episode is a trauma for both of you.  There is something you can do which is to get you and your husband into family therapy so that together you might be able to talk this thing through and develop a strategy to protect yourselves and your children.  You don't want your mother-in-law to drive a wedge between you and your husband and this is the best way to stop it.

[jdtm]

Are you sure you are dealing with bipolar disorder?  Your post reminds me of our DIL - she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder.  

[mamaruns]

Besides a little therapy, I think you and your family should avoid this woman like the plague.  Her negativity will do nothing but bring you down.  Your husband and his siblings should be standing up for you and the other spouses; by not doing so, they are enabling her behavior.  Almost seems like they're scared of her.  You can always block her emails and phone calls too.  

If your husband allows her to visit anymore without setting groundrules, maybe you should take the kids and stay at a friend's house for awhile.  Your children don't need to be exposed to someone that badmouths their mother, it will only teach them that it's ok to be disrespectful towards others.  And your husband needs to stand up and tell his mother to knock off the bs.  Just my 2 cents.  I also agree with jdtm, she sounds more borderline then bipolar.  At the very least, someone full of hate and loathing.

I learned a long time ago that some people just aren't worth being around.