Why me? (long)

[Chloe278]

Hi Everyone! I am a 24yr old female who feels like I am 90 on a good day. I don't know what is going on here. I started to get some anxiety when I was in college. (About 4 yrs ago) I would have a really hard time falling asleep and worry b/f bed. That passed. Then, about 2 years ago, I had a really bad panic attack out of the clear blue. I was at a resteraunt and had a burger. I started getting stomach pains and I swore I was going to die right there from food poisoning or something. It was awful. But it passed completely about 45 minutes later. I would occassionally experience waves of anxiety in resteraunts or certain stores. Then it just dissapeared for at least a year. Two summers ago, I was feeling pretty run down all the time, and I felt depressed. My doc gave me Prozac, or Zoloft or Wellbutrin, to be honest, over the years he has given me quite a few. I hated the side affects and always stopped. Then, like I said, I had some tests run, they came back negative, and it all seemed to disappear. Anyway, to the present - In May of this year, I got sick. Nothing big, just had a hard time breathing, went to the doctor and then the next day I lost my voice completely.Had x-ray done, said possibly Granulamata on lung, but was insignificant. POssible exposure to chemicals..(can't recall that ever happening) My voice came back, but would get scratchy all the time and hoarse. One day while in work I had a really bad anxiety attack. Completely out of nowhere. I have never been the same since. Since then, I have been to the ER about 4 times, had all kinds of tests run, including an MRI of the brain and another chest x-ray. All came back normal. I never feel good. It feels like it is something different every single day. Either my muscles hurt, or a headach, or nausea, lightheaded, dizzy, blurred vision, chest pains, jaw is tense, twitching eyelids...UGH!!! Or just a sense of disorientation and fear. Like a shaky feeling inside that will just NOT GO AWAY. I have been to a psychiatrist, but would feel worse when I left, plus the med bills were getting expensive. I also tried the anxiety meds and anti-depressant meds...which made me feel so much worse. One of my problems is the fear of taking medication. (Don't know where this developed from either..I never had that problem before) I try breathing excercises, talking positively to myself...but the physical symptoms are always there. The anxiety itself usually comes and goes. There was one weekend a few weeks ago, where I was in so much muscular pain in my entire body, that it literally hurt to move. Could I be tense all the time and not realize it??? Please, someone help me. I used to feel like I was a smart, fun person who had it all together and who people enjoyed to be around. Now I just feel irritable all the time, my attention span is zilch, and I feel run down, sick and tired all of the time and it is so sad because I feel like I have almost lost everything that was once "me". PLEASE ADVISE!!!!

[cyawn71]

I suggest you try a cognitive behavioral program while on Xanax.  It has healed me and gotten me back on track.  Call 1-800-Anxiety.  It is a 15 week course with workbook and tapes to coinside.  Lesson 2 is 6 steps to ending panic attacks for good.  This program truly is a life saver.  I would sware by it and I wouldn't be surprised if like myself you were even better after completed it.  It has made me a better person and mother. Good luck dear.  Charline

[cyawn71]

I suggest you try a cognitive behavioral program while on Xanax.  It has healed me and gotten me back on track.  Call 1-800-Anxiety.  It is a 15 week course with workbook and tapes to coinside.  Lesson 2 is 6 steps to ending panic attacks for good.  This program truly is a life saver.  I would sware by it and I wouldn't be surprised if like myself you were even better after completed it.  It has made me a better person and mother. Good luck dear.  Charline

[PoeCarte]

Cloe, I cannot believe how hauntingly similar most of your symptoms are to mine.  I am twenty-six (going on ninety myself) and for the past six months my life has been flipped upside down.  Never before had I even had a health concern, now anxiety, aches, etc...if you want e-mail me at ***@**** are definitely not alone, although as I know, it sure feels like it at times.

[happiness-is-coming-back]

Chloe

I know you are having a very hard time, as I have been through the very same thing you are going through.  About four years ago I had clinical depression/anxiety and panic attackes and was so scared of taking an antidepressant that I suffered for four months of hell.  I finally agreed with my family doctor to go to a physciatrist and he gave me effexor.  I started out taking 1/2 of a 25mg pill and worked up every four days until I reached 75 mg.  I have had alot of help from this medicine.  About 3 months ago, I was feeling tired, that's all and my family doctor wanted me to try celexa, I felt ok for about 2 months then I had a major panic attack.  I got back on the effexor and I don't think I gave it time to work and was having more and more anxiety and depression, I tried lexapro and it didn't seem to do a thing for me.  Now I'm on Paxil CR which is controlled released, so a person usually has less side effects and the medicine stays evenly in your system throughout the day.  I feel so much better.  My doctor has prescribed Xanax for me to take (.25mg) in case I have that awful feeling until the Paxil CR takes total effect.  I only use it at night so I can fall right asleep.  But, I'm telling you, it is like night and day.  

I found when I first started taking antidepressants, I started slow with a low dose and worked my way up, since your body has to get used to the new chemicals in your body.  But if you give an antidepressant 1-2 weeks you will notice a improvement.  You also have to find what is right for you, but you should know in a week if you are getting a benefit or not, so you may have to do the trial and error thing.  Find a physciatrist that will understand that taking antidepressants are part of your anxiety and go to a licensed councelor.  They can work with you about the medicine and help you understand it can help.  Also, for me... I did alot of praying to God and read my bible, that really helped me know God was with me through all of this and He was going to take care of me and find me the right medicine to help me.

I wish you the best of luck.

Tammy

[joyce45]

I do believe Xanax to be the best med for panic attacks.  If used responsibly, it works very well for most people. I've used it on an as needed basis, and have destressed my life so I use it much less now [mostly for insomnia].  I think the antidepressants have too many side effects, particularly Paxil and Effexor. I go to a Psychiatrist every 3 months for medication maintenance. Xanax [Alazopram]has made a big difference in my life; it's something to consider [if used responsibly]. Good luck.

[Chloe278]

Thank you Joyce. I was thinking the same thing, and actually have mentioned this to my family doctor. I thought it would be more helpful since it is not something I would have to take every single day, and with some of those other meds it is more than once a day at that! I wanted something that would be more of a "when needed" basis. But my doc said no to the xanax(sp?)bc he said they are too addictive. I just want something I guess that I guess I could just keep in my purse, you know, like a safety net in case I started to panic. But I will definetly keep this in mind as an alternative to taking any of those wacky anti-depressant/anxiety meds. I took Buspar for a few days and I swear-I thought I was really gonna lose it.
Thank you so much for your advice. This forum is really great to have.

[joyce45]

Your aare very welcome.  My family doc was not thrilled to give me a Xanax prescription.  He did it once for a 90 day supply.  I just went to a psychiatrist who was understanding about anxiety [thru my insurance, Aetna HMO] and I have no problems now, and keep Xanax [Alazopram] in my purse just in case and a bottle of water in my car.  I rarely need it, except at night for insomnia. I asked for 1 mg [which is fairly high] but only use .5 so I always have lots left over [not that I will use it] so I am secure knowing I would never run out if I did need to take it. I am very careful about never overusing, and I usually take .5 at night only.  Sometimes I take .5 during the day if anxious, but this is very seldom now. I have no side effects from it. You may need a smaller dose. Make sure you are home the first time you take it as it may put you to sleep.  I don't need the SSRIs as my depression has lifted and I am happy inside finally. Take care and stay well.

[Chloe278]

Although a part of me would like to not have to take any medication for this, I am at a point where I just want this to go away. Or at least feel normal again. I went to the Neuroloist today (recommended by an ER doc)and he said everything seems fine. I have an appointment with the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor tomorrow, bc my MRI came back showing a Retention cyst and mucous in my sinuses. I know there will be some relief when that is though, at least with my head feeling like a ways a thousand pounds all the time. But, I don't think my sinuses have anything to do with the anxiety or panic. My family doctor has given me all of the "free samples" in his office. Paxil, Busbar, Prozac, Wellbutrin. And they all made me feel worse. If anything, they would bring on full on panic attacks. My panic seems to come from the fear that something is wrong with me or that I have some sort of serious illness they are missing. Every ache and pain is dramatically intensified, and I dwell on the fact of not feeling good.I am becomming more and more depressed because I feel like I am not myself anymore. It feels like a struggle to get out of bed. And I have to force myself to feel even the slightest bit happy. Basically, I feel like ever since the spring-time, when this seemed to all start (with that first x-ray that showed Granulamata but was insignificant)that I have been literally falling apart. Ok, sorry, back to my question. Is there anything out there for depression/anxiety that is a very, very small dosage??? Like it is barely like taking anything at all? So this way it won't have all of the horrible side effects, but I would have alittle peice of mind????

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I responded to someone the other day in the same vein I am about to respond to you. These panic attacks and general anxiety do respond to medications, so you can get some quick relief if you go to a psychiatrist for a medication consultation.

If you can't afford ongoing therapy, you might try my online therapy program at www. masteringstress.com.  It is affordable and easily available.

The purpose of any therapy, in person or online, would be to help you tune into whatever underlying conflict is generating this anxiety.  Most of the time it is related to the formation of your adult identity, and the decisions that are part of that.  You have to focus away from the symptoms toward what is coming up.  That's where your cure can be found. Its hard work and its important work.