Worried about speech, typing; all in my head/anxiety?

[Bragi]

First of all, thank you for taking my question.

So, I've had this coming-and-going fear regarding my speech, that started a little over a year ago. When I've stopped worrying about it, I laugh at how silly it seemed; when I've started worrying about it again, I principally worry that I have some sort of chronic, incurable neurodegenerative disease or something. It's awful.

As I said, this first started a little over a year ago, when I tripped over a word. It just blossomed from there. It's so awful. I started worrying about tripping over words, and then it happened more, because I worried about it.

Then I started getting muscle twitches, and I started worrying about those, and so of course those got worse. Then I started worrying that I had some terrible disease like MS or Parkinsons or something (even writing it out now makes me nervous!).

After a while, I'll realize I don't have a terrible disease, and then the fears will go away. Then they come back in some new flavor; some new aspect that gives my brain something logical to latch onto -- like, no matter how remote, this new thing "might mean" I have some awful illness.

Lately it's come back, even though I've defeated it so many times, and I hate it so much. The new variant is that I worry about my typing: I worry that maybe I'm not as good at it anymore (out of the blue, of course!), and that my brain is messed up, and I can't form words correctly anymore. I don't even think there's a disease that causes any of these symptoms! And yet I worry....

I did have a full physical last fall, and everything was fine -- though I didn't mention these worries specifically, because I was embarrassed about them.

Rationally, I realize that this is all probably just in my head, and that I'm paying conscious awareness to things that are unconscious processes, and that's what's screwing things up. But I'd like some reassurance. Do you think this is all in my head?

Thanks so much :)

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Yes, it is all in your mind..you are suffering from anxiety..it can be helped with medication or psychotherapy..its real, and you can do something about it.

[Bragi]

I think I'll trust my doctor who has been doing this for 35 years. If things aren't working I'll switch tracks at that point.

Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you.

[gregger452]

I really hope that you come back and read this, because it may save your life. 13 years ago, I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and my doctor put me on clonazepam. Eventually it was combined with Effexor, which is an antidepressant. In years to follow, the dosage of clonazeam got higher and higher until I was up to 4mgs per day. What I didn't realize was that I had just masked the problem and that I was entering a world that I had no control over. Because of the clonazepam ( your Citalopram is in the same family), I was tired all of the time, easily aggitated, had feelings of extreme depression and suicide, and had no desire to do anything!!! I ended being on these pills for 13 years. Recently, I quit these pills cold turkey. This was the hardest thing that I ever had to do in my life! It took me 9 straight days of hell to finally feel like I was normal again. Of course, I had to do this in a detox facility, because I was walking around in a dream like state with anxiety 10 times higher than I had ever had in the past. I had gut wrenching pains, chills, sweats, loose bowels, headaches, and extreme depression. ( crying, wanting to die)
You need to do some research. I don't care what any doctor tells you, I have learned that all of the 'PAMS' are the same. I have lived through this, and now I am looking towards a happy future for the first time in 13 years. Get off of those pills as soon as possible before you end up like me and everyone else that I have researched.
Good luck!

Greg

[Bragi]

Dr. Gould,

Thank you so much for your answer :)

Since asking the question, I went into my GP and talked it out with him, and took one of those standardized depression-and-anxiety quizzes (I think I failed ;), and he ended up prescribing me Citalopram 10mg. I'm pretty hopeful about the results :)

Thanks again!

[Bragi]

I'd like to also mention that, when I worry about my speech (and my typing, for that matter), I tend to really focus on how I say things or type things -- with the worry being that "maybe I did these things differently/'better' in the past," which would mean "something's wrong."