First and foremost: No, you do not need to feel like this forever. The moment effective therapy and medication enables you to change your attitude towards life, you will see yourself in a new light and realize your worth.
Second most important point: Therapy alone is not useful in chronic cases of depression and suicidal thoughts and in persons who harm themselves (self mutilation). In most cases, medications are a must and needs to be continued either for life or for a long period of time and then slowly weaned off under expert guidance.
Third most important point: You must consult a psychiatrist (not a therapist) and get a complete evaluation of your mental health. Based on this evaluation, you will be prescribed some medications and advised therapy.
NEVER STOP THE MEDICATION ON YOUR OWN. You can tell your psychiatrist about past experience with medicines and then your doctor can decide what medications will suit you best. You may experience discomfort or any other symptom once you start medications, but, you ca inform your doctor about it and then medication type or dose can be re-adjusted. Not all medications will make you feel ‘off’.
THERAPY: You can consult another therapist or ask your psychiatrist regarding a new approach to therapy. Generally cognitive behavior therapy is tried as this helps your brain to respond positively to a given situation. Stress can be reduced by adopting yoga in daily life. Also sessions are held to understand your thought process and cause behind your depression and negative thoughts. Modifying this thought process is necessary for complete recovery.
Also, your therapist could find out what you like to do and channelizing your energy towards a combination of things you like (music, dance, aerobics, watching movies, going out with friends etc) will keep you happily busy. Having a goal in life and working towards it will also channelize your energy in right direction. Part of your problems can be overcome by doing things you like (such as a hobby, an exercise activity, a mind stimulating activity). This will keep you happy and focused. Everyone is good in something. The trick is to realize that and pursue it.
If you feel you are not benefitting from your present treatment, take a second opinion. ALWAYS REMEMBER—there is a way out of this situation—you must find the way with help of your psychiatrist and therapist.
Hope you get well soon! Good Luck and take care!
I completely agree with the Dr. here. It sounds like you may need expert advice from a psychiatrist to help you with the right drug therapy. Your post is very honest and in depth. Keep this up with your psychiatrist and you will be on the road to recovery in no time. Just the fact that you reached out on this forum shows that you want to be helped and recovery is possible!
I just want to share a personal experience with you. Many years back, I was hospitalized for an eating disorder. While I was there, a woman was being treated for depression. Her depression was so bad, that it debilitated her. The nurses had to take her bed and put it in the hallway so she would go outside. When she did, she would sit in a catatonic state and never comb her hair, shower, or talk to anyone. Let's fast forward to months later when both of us had been discharged: I was in a mall and this lady came up to me, accompanied by a couple of family members. She said "hi" and told me who she was. I couldn't believe it!!!! It was this same woman that was in the hospital! She looked beautiful and had no trouble speaking to people , smiling and enjoying her outing. I asked her how? She told me that regular trips to her psychiatrist, as well as a regimented drug therapy and psychotherapy helps.
As for me? I've been recovered from an eating disorder for almost 12 years now and could not have done it without the proper medical attention and psychotherapy. So recovery is possible! Hope this helps and hope you are getting the help you need.
Find one reason to live for. If that disappears find another. I've never gone to a doctor but have the same thoughts and feelings like you all my life. When i had my son at 18 i found my first and only reason to thrive and survive, still always having out breaks of suicide. It really hurts looking at him and feeling i shouldn't be here, living. Now I'm 25 and having my second child. I feel bad for bringing kids up in this world, but oh the love it brings me in my life. The joy i have everyday with my child and this growing being inside me. Just find one reason to live for and you'll be ok, just know everything can be taken away and everything will go away eventually. When your ready i recommend getting a awesome tattoo to cover those scars, they'll still be there, but it will help you move on. Good luck