Need sound mental health advice

[Buck]

My girlfriend of 4 years and I have recently broken up.  We have a child together and it appears that I will be getting custody.  Over the last 6 months, before I left, she exhibited signs of either borderline personality or manic depression - often throwing violent fits and attacking me in front of our son.  A year ago she sought help from a psychiatrist who put her on welbutrin and she seemed to improve greatly.  Now, she has regressed to violence, fits of anger and depression, she's been arrested for drunken disorder and was put under a 96 hour hold for threatening suicide.  Neither her parents nor any other member of her family seem to want to help her - they all throw up their hands and "whatever" her away, which only seems to make her outbursts all the more serious.  In the last 2 1/2 years when we were together she was emotionally shut off from me a great deal of the time and now, she won't let me get a word in edgewise, claiming the most hurtful, delusional things imaginable about me (paranoia).  I know that I cannot step in to help since my very presence seems to set her off, but I cannot bear to watch my son's mother go into a downward spiral emotionally without trying to find some way of getting her some form of help.

I realize our relationship is over - I'm okay with that.  I just don't want anything bad to happen to her and the people she is surrounding herself with are involved with drugs (meth, crank)which she has been doing regularly.

I won't throw up my hands.  I won't quit or abandon her.  My son needs his mother and I know that somewhere there is a good person there crying out for help.  I just need some advise about what I can do or where I can go to find some for her without getting involved as a presence.  Everybody tells me to move on: I have.  Everybody tells me to give up on her because she's a lost cause: sorry - no one is a lost cause.  NO ONE.

I realize there's probably nothing you can do either, but if there are any resources you can point me at, I'd appreciate it.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Your care and loyalty is admirable. I agree with you, she is crying out for help, and you may be her only hope.

There is no governmental body that can force her to get help.She has to have treatment, and may require hospitalization to stop this.  Have you tried talking to her current or former psychiatrist.

The second approach has to do with her drinking and drugs. All of what you describe could have been caused by substance abuse.Ask any friends you have in A.A. for help,or find an alcohol  counselor and ask advice, or try alanon or other substance abuse experts.

Its a hard problem, but that is where I would start.

[Buck]

Cat,

Thank you for the peptalk - definately something I can use since this whole thing is such a real downer.  I've tried to open a door on getting together for coffee somewhere, but when I asked if she was free friday, she went off on me as if I were prying into her life.  This got bad too, and her dad eventually had to come out of the house and physically get her to back off of me (her family likes me a lot).  I think things will only get worse too; my attourney wants to require her to take anger management and drug rehab to get unsupervised visitation, something I'm sure she'll balk at from the getgo.  My fear is that she's just going to bolt and abandon our son for good, and I really don't want that.  We agreed long ago that we'd share custody and I'd like it to work out that way - eventually. I want to be fair, and I want to stay good to my word whether she would have done so or not.

Still - if anyone knows of any other resources which might be able to help me, I'd be thankful.  And thanks again Cat.

Buck

[pinky to rebecca]

Good for you for not turning away from her! I am no medical expert, but I do know something about human psyche. For her to ever get through this she is going to need people like you who support her and care about her AND BELIEVE in her.

It's difficult for you to act because of the break up, but don't let that be a wall. Though you must be sensitive about her situation, you must also be firm in your beliefs.

I find that if you treat a person how you want them to act, they will act that way. Meet for coffee. Talk about your child. When she says absurd comments ignore them. Letting her know that they affect you only gives her pleasure. Don't speak about her situation. It is not something to speak of, but something to act on and correct.

These are all suggestions that you know better than I if they would work. And always, I understand it is easier said than done.

Good luck and be strong.