whats gonna go wrong?

[sirswag646]

what gonna happen when i masterbate too much..like twice a day

[zack32]

It is about time someone else on this site has the same opinion. Everybody here thinks its ok and its " a normal part of life". The doc. and everybody else are right in the fact that a lot of people masturbate, but it isn't normal. It does effect future relationships. All they are learning is to please themselves and not someone else or be pleased by someone else.
Find other things to do when you feel the urge. Go for a walk find, find someone to talk to, go somewhere public, etc. Avoid movies, books and the like that have sexual content in them. These will only encourage you to continue. Set small goals to help you stop. One day at a time, then maybe 1 week at a time, a month, and so on. Don't get down on yourself if you slip up, just get on with one day at a time again.
I hope this helps.

[Jaquta]

Hi Zack.  No, I don't think you're crazy or insane.  No more than any of us here anyway.
I guess you're right, it will affect relationships including the one we have with ourselves.
I think that not all partners are insensitive though.  Some people still know how to treat their partners with regard and respect.
Unfulfilled needs is the source of a lot of peoples woes.  That is not limited to lack of sexual gratification though and in most cases I would expect it to be more encompassing.
I disagree with what you say in your first paragraph.  I think we can only give if we love ourselves first.  If we run on empty all the time then we are limited in what we are able to offer others.
I think we only become a slave to our desires when our lives aren't balanced and our lives aren't working for us.
Getting back to what Dr Gould said I think it only becomes a problem when we use it as an avoidance strategy.

[zack32]

The problem is that masturbation makes you a slave to your OWN desires. While it is OK to have things we want, the world has a "me first" attitude. I'm not saying that this issue is the result of all evil, but if you say everyone does it, then why can it not be part of the problem with the selfish world we live in. Learning to please yourself makes it hard to want to please others in many aspects of life.
Now I know that you are all reading this thinking I'm insane, but the question was what is going to happen? That fact of the matter is it will effect relationships. The one doing the masturbation may not feel the effects, but the other party will. (of course because the one doing the masturbating is perfectly pleased, never mind the other person's feelings) I dare say that there has been a great deal of divorcing due to an unsatisfied partner.

[Jaquta]

Hi Paxiled.
I was a little surprised about your comments regarding the US.  I always felt that people in the states were more accepting and more ?mature.  My impression was that Americans were extremely good at expressing themselves (their thoughts and feelings, etc).  More so than here (New Zealand) anyway.
Maybe with larger social networks people grow up faster?  I'm not sure what I'm trying to say anymore.  I think there's a marked difference between countries but I can't seem to articulate what it is.  It feels very tangible though.

I think with the younger generation that very little is taboo these days.

I can't answer your question.  It's not applicable to me at this time.
I think the concern was one was done at the exclusion of the other.  Or that one alienated a partner.  I think that some things need to be negotiated in a relationship and for some people this may be one of those things.

As with all things I just believe there needs to be balance.  That doesn't mean that balance for one person is the same as that for another.

[Paxiled]

This is interesting.  We have one guy who thinks, without any scientific evidence whatsoever, that masturbating interferes with relationships despite the fact that we all agree everyone does it and therefore everyone with a good relationship does it, too.  Another person makes a judgment based on one man's sexual preference concerning her and generalizes that to everyone.  Another guy thinks masturbation is confined to men, suggesting limited experience with actual women, who, I hate to be the one to tell you, do it, too.  Here's the thing -- all things sexual are taboo in the US to some extent, some more than others.  The more taboo things are, the more obsessive people become with them because they aren't discussed openly.  Reality is, J is right -- anything can become an obsession, and when it reaches that level it's a problem.  But that doesn't only involve matters sexual, it involves matters infinite.  Obsessive greed just crashed the world economy.  The issue here is obsessive thinking, particularly obsessive negative thinking.  Just because it involves masturbation instead of fear of flying or some other more socially acceptable obsession doesn't make it bogus or not worth taking seriously.  I will tell you that when I first started masturbating, it was very disturbing and obsessive because nobody ever told me about it.  When a physician told me it was normal, it stopped being obsessive.  Now, that was a whole lot of years ago, but that's my story.  It happens because it's a taboo to so many people.  Let me ask you all this, especially Zack -- what's the difference between getting used to getting turned on by the way you masturbate and getting turned on by the way a particular partner had sex with you?  Don't both end up being just as pattern-forming?  As an older guy who's had a lot of partners, who's been married a long time, and who's masturbated his share, and who has never had a lover who hadn't masturbated as well, I think it's just best accepted as part of life, and not denigrated just because a particular person had a bad experience with it.  

[Jaquta]

I don't believe it was a stupid post and I believe every person has the right to be listened too.  I personally felt the member was sincere and not messing with the forum.

If it were so natural and normal, why do so many members ask for help for it?  Many members have expressed concerns about it interfering with their lives.

Some men should perhaps be a little more sensitive towards their partners needs.  

This is a 'real' issue.  If it weren't important it wouldn't have been posted.
I don't think you would like it if someone told you to pull your socks up or to snap out of it or even to grow up if it were your issues or concerns under discussion.

If you're angry with me I suggest you discuss this with me directly and not attack other members on this forum.

[whodunnit]

Really!

What a waste of time. This kid is just writing stupid posts and yet it's taken seriously.

A bunch of bedroom psychologists inventing theories about something that is entirely natural and normal to men. Men have no qualms about it and act on impulse whenever they feel like it. It has no effect on relationships except for women and girls who think it's some kind of cheating. It's not, it's simply a physical urge those in their teens in particular cannot stop and don't want to.

Like much of society there's always someone who wants you top stop doing what makes you feel good. What's new? Nothing at all.

Out of your teens often it doesn't change for many reasons. The main one being It's Natural and normal. Everyone does it and setting limits per day/week is simply exposing your own inhibitions. If you think your man doesn't then think again cos he does.

To Swag, Grow up mate, it's bad enough dealing with real issues let alone this.

[Jaquta]

I try not to judge others.  I think people have a good idea of what they feel is right or wrong.
The question wasn't about morality but about consequences.
What is normal anyway?  I'm not aware of any medical masturbation scale.
I would probably be a little more conservative and say that it could affect relationships.
If it is used as an avoidance strategy ("as a way of avoiding real issues") then yes it could be damaging.  Is it really any different to over-eating, drinking, smoking, working excessively?
My overwhelming feeling is that you have a problem with the behavior (most likely because it is contrary to your own values and beliefs).

If you want my personal opinion I feel uncomfortable with the volume of posts discussing masturbation on this site.  I feel uncomfortable about many issues posted though (including the ones I write about) but I respect the opportunity they give me to address my own vulnerabilities.  Challenging issues help me identify my own issues and make me a better person.  I think defining our own identity and boundaries are really important but I think that judging others behavior can be very self-limiting -for both them and us.

My question for myself is, what is it about your comment that triggered stuff in me?

I think life would be incredibly boring if everybody did indeed have the same opinion.
I think people can agree or disagree on something and still have a different opinion.  
1 + 1 isn't the only way to get 2.

[Carolina43]

I forgot to tell you that I have dated men in their late 20's, early 30's, who were incapable of having a healthy, fulfilling relationship with a woman due to excessively "pleasing themselves".  One guy I fell madly in love with; but after a frustrating 7-8 months with him, I had to move on.  He would begin our "lovemaking" with him masturbating; then have me  perform oral sex; then finish with masturbation.  He never cared about MY needs and seemed uninterested in vaginal sex.  When he would penetrate me, it seemed obligatory on his part, like he couldn't wait to pull out & jack off.

You see where I'm going here??? It creates problems that may last a lifetime, interfering with your ability to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with a woman.  Watch the new show on VH-1 "Sex Rehab" with Dr. Dru Pinski.  Very informative.

[Carolina43]

I don't know how old you are and what your life situation is; but if you are a teenager, I guess it would be o.k. if you don't have a girlfriend; however, I do think twice a day/7 days a week is excessive.  Don't you have anything else going on in your life where you don't become "obsessive" about it?  Aren't there nights you are just tired and just want to go to sleep?  My fear, if you are a teenager, that this could become a substitute for developing a "real relationship" with a person and prevent you from "needing" someone.
If you think you are capable of fulfilling all your own needs, then you will never "NEED" another person.  Try to develop some outside interests like working out at the gym, bicycle riding, etc. -- then you may not feel the need to do this twice a day.

[Paxiled]

You'll know that at least twice each day you'll feel pleasure, and perhaps waste some time you'd prefer to put elsewhere.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Nothing physically, and nothing emotional unless you are using masturbation as a way of avoiding real issues.

[Jaquta]

I don't think anything negative happens.  The expert on the compulsive behaviors expert forum suggests that at worst skin chafing, etc.