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Depression/Mental Health Forum
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Avatar universal

my mother needs help

Dear Dr. I am a 26 year old women who has been dealing with a mentally sick mom for a few years now.  Nothing is getting better, it seems to be getting worse.  She is severly depressed and has been admitted to hospital once before.  For the last two years it has been really bad. She lost her job, her apartment and has been living with my 81 year old grandmother up until 4 months ago. My family has basically had enough with her situation and feels as though she isn't doing anything to help herself.  My grandmother is old and doesn't understand the sickness like I do.  She is frustrated with my mother.  For the past 4 months my mother has been staying with a friend due to a huge fight with my grandmother.  I know that my mother has used drugs (cocaine and majaurana) I know that she still uses the majaurana but I am not sure about the cocaine.  She is seeing a social worker through mass health (free health care) and is on anti depressant medication but nothing seems to be working.  She still suffers from severe depression and anxiety and seems to make excuses for any postive steps toward getting healthy. She can not see the light and doesn't know how to get there. I am sure that she just sits in all day, watching T.V and watching her life pass her by, while blaming other people for where she is at today.  
The other day she wrote a letter to her niece saying that she feels so desperate and that she has thought about hurting herself, just for people (her mother, brother, & sister) to see that she is hurting and that this is real.  She has said this before, but claims that she would never go through with it because of her kids (my brother and I) but I am scared that nothing is getting better and I dont know what to do.  When she got out of the hospital the last time, she never followed through with going to NA or therapy.  She only sees a social worker that was assigned to her while she was in the hospital. She said to my cousin in the letter, that if she dies to please be her voice and stick up for her against her siblings.  She also mentioned that she thinks she needs to go back to the hospital.  SO what I am asking is where do I find help for her?  I want to be able to approach her with something already set up. I dont want to take her to the emergency room again.  Although it seems like all the websites on the internet link you to private facilities that cost money.  I dont have the money to get an interventionist and pay for a private facility for her.  Is the hospital my only option? PLEASE help, please give me ANY advice/resources that you can.
Thank you!!
2 Responses
242532 tn?1269550379
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
When your mother sends the signal she needs to be in the hospital, that is what you have to listen too. She seems to be eligible for hosptialization paid for by public sources, so that is where you should turn. I would suggest starting with the social worker who knows her, because she will know the resources in your community and how to make it happen.  In addition to hospitals, there are partial hospitals, or recovery programs for outpatients...I would ask the s.w. about those optins as well.
Avatar universal
I am very sorry to hear about your Mother, I will keep you in my prayers but I did wantto offer what knowledge I have of getting someone that does not even want to go into amental hospital, the steps you can take, without her having any choice !

You take that letter that she wrote to whomever it was she wrote it too, to a magistrate judge (I think) or go to the courthouse and ask, show the judge the letter that you Mother worte about hurting herself, also take along your siblings or your Mothers as well with you ! Tell the judge she is dangerous to herself and the judge, if he chooses can admit her to a mental facility without her permission and she cannot get out until the judge says that she can !

IT IS CALLED TOUGH LOVE, but it is better than living without your Mother. My Mother never ever drank, doped or smoked pot but she did pass away 1 1/2 years ago and " I PERSONALLY : would DO ANYTHING THAT I COULD to save my MOTHERS LIFE, YOU CAN DO THE SAME IF YOUR MOM IS THREATENING TO KILL HERSELF !

Here in the USA, State of Georgia we have what are called Goverment funded hospitals & MENTAL HOPITALS, that CANNOT REFUSE YOU IF YOU HAVE NO MEANS TO PAY ! EVEN IF YOU GET A BILL, HEY THERE IS NO DEBTORS PRISION ! IT MIGHT GO ON YOUR MOTHERS CREDIT IF THEY DO NOT WRITE THE BILL OFF .BUT WHO CARES, AS LONG AS YOU SAVE YOUR MOM ! ALSO I THINK IF THE JUDGE PUTS HER IN, THE STATE WILL PAY HER BILL ANYWAY ! If you do not want to do this, go to the emergency room,without telling your Mom, tell the nurse to tell the doctor she is sucudial and that is an automatic 1013, the Sheriff will come to the ERoom and take her to the hospital, bad news, she can leave soon. If the judge admits her, she cannot leave until the Doctors and judge agress she is safe to be released !

I HAD TO DO THIS TO A LIFETIME GIRLFRIEND OF MINE, SINCE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL ! She stayed in a mental hospital for 4 years and a half way house for 6 years and she still needs to go back ! But now it is up to her husband.

You can email me at Suzanne_***@**** if you have any questions or just need a dry shoulder to cry on or any more advise. I AM HERE !

GOOD LUCK & MANY PRAYERS,
Suzanne
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