self mutilation

[kkgirl]

hi im my name is kristi and i am 14 year old.  i have been cutting for over two years now. i started seeing my therapist in nov 2007. so ive been seeing her for a year now. i have been hospitalized once for this and i know i need to stop. but i dont want to! lately, the cutting has been really bad! i have cut 3 times this week. and each time it has been bad! i see my therapist again on nov 17th. and i want to tell her about all the cutting but i dont want to be hospitalized again! everybody is trying to help me and understand but nobody really knows how i feel! my parents and i fight all the time and i cant handle it anymore! like a lot of times i cut because of something that happened between us and how am i suppose to tell them that i cut when it was because of them.  i dont talk to my parents about anything. my dad cares but he isnt as worried as my mom. but when my mom worries she goes overboard! and that just makes things worse! i know that i have to want to help myself before anybody else can help me! i just dont know what to do anymore! i've been more depressed lately than i ever am and i have been cutting a lot more than i normally do now. im just so tired of everything! i am tired of feeling this way and not wanting to be here!

[therese83]

I would suggest that you do as the others have advised.  Tell your counsellor everything.  Please be careful as well, do not hurt yourself if you can avoid it.

Your parents need to go to the counselling with you.  Does your therapist work with families?  Maybe you want to keep her for yourself and go to a family therapist with your family.

Your parents are part of the problem, they contribute to your cutting.  It is a pattern of behaviour that involves them.

You are very young, it is sad and I wish you an improvement in your situation.

Try writing, letting the thoughts flow, keeping the pen moving.  Do you make Art work?  You could express your emotions - you need to learn some new ways.  Leave the house if they are shouting.  Dont put up with it.  If they are fighting like that it is disrespectful and abusive.

[kmathis70]

hi, im 38 and ive been a cutter since i was 13 its a hard battle to win . i have gone for long times and not cut but when i get real stressed and real depressed thats the only thing i know to calm down before actually commiting suicide. you should be totally honest with your therapist even if it means you end up in the hospital because your cutting is not releaving you it can only lead to to u acting out with another worse option. please tell your therapist thats the only way to get the help you need.

[Brendricky]

I feel for you, and I know how you feel. I am also a cutter, have not cut in almost 2 years YAY ME!  I used to think it was the only thing to help me cope with what i was feeling inside. I started when i was 11. cutting the soles of my feet, as an adult i hid my arms always. My doctor saw my arm one time when trying to take my blood pressure. I had been having a bad week. The nurse went to take the BP and i made her do other arm, she told the dr and he eventually convinced me to show him my arm. I got therapy and it did help. I learned to cope with my feelings in a healthier way. Some of the things I did to keep from cutting was

mark myself with a red pen. (sometimes just a visual of how much you hurt helps, without actually doing damage to yourself)

screamed and hollered into a pillow (say what you feel!)

voiced my fears to a close friend (making them known out loud, they aren't secrets anymore and you don't feel as bad, don't feel as though you have to cut to get the release )

You need to let your therapist know exactly what is going on in your head Hun.  You have to at least tell SOMEONE. I recommend it be your therapist or psychiatrist, your friends can be there for you but your therapist and doctor can actually help you. Is the only way to make real progress. If you keep it bottled up you will still continue to cut to let it out a little at a time. But all that does is dull your pain, it's not a cure. And one day you may take it to far. Hope that never happens. Hope you find help soon.

Bren

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

The best way to help yourself is to tell your therapist everything..everything you have just told me, and ask your therapist to consider meeting with you and your parents to work out this cycle of arguing, cutting, and keeping se cre t.