Is my husband depressed?

[precious1969]

My husband has shown a change of behavior for the last 8 months (or longer) he has slowly lost 50 lbs (without trying-- although he says he tried), he has slowly distanced himself from me, he has no libido and in the past month or so he has become very hostile to me. He seems to be able to keep himself together at work and is able to golf but for the most part when he is home he lays on the floor and watches TV and does little else. He does not go out with friends as often as he did and when he does he has gotten very drunk on several occasions. He used to be a very happy person and he is definitely not the happy go lucky guy he used to be. He says it is because he does not love me anymore. He does not want to tell me what his plan is-- he says he will let me know when he "figures it out". He says he has no idea why he feels this way towards me. We have been together for 18 years with few problems. He is refusing to see a counselor and I got him to go to the doctor but I don't think he was honest about his feelings and it was an uproductive appointment. He has told me that he feels exhausted and empty and that he has no feelings for me.  We have 3 small children and he is able to be nice to them most of the time but gets easily frustrated and spends little time with them. Outside of our household it appears he is able to keep things together and no one knows he is struggling at home. My dilemma is that I don't know if he is clinically depressed or is he acting this way because he wants out of the marriage. He has always been a very caring person and I see a complete personality change. I don't know how much longer I can take the hostility.

[badboybubby]

Hi Precious, This is how i feel when i take certain meds, esp. Klonopin benzo's of the sorts I do have however bad anxiety ..soon as i take the benzo type meds for anxiety then i feel like the above post i can relate I currently feel this way towards my Partner too and well some warranted  but some of it's my stuff too..Nothing worse than feeling dead empty, angry irritable.insomnia cant focus....  ..I don't know the answer but it sounds like alot of things there like myself i could blame the r/ship but depression is nasty and eats at  your core. It's good to keep the line of communication open for sure but if he's unable too he is going into himself more and more.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

In answer to your question, it could be either or both.  The best thing you can do is use whatever influence you have left to get him to a psychiatrist who can see both of you initially to sort this out, and then may treat him separately.  Even when people refuse to get treatment, they will if you push hard enough and persistent enough.  It's your only real hope other than starting a dialogue about divorce, your initiative, but that is an extremely dangerous way to go.  Also, you can see a therapist and discuss these issues more fully.