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kind of mixed up;
I have been with you for a while now.  I feel that I am not getting better.  today was a bad day.  I cant seem to pull myself together.  I am quitting medhelp.  I will miss all of my sweet friends,  I just don't feel like talking any more.  im just so tired and don't  want to even think about what I am going through.  thanks for being there for me. good luck to all of you and the best of health.  I don't know what to do.  good luck.
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I am going through something I have never been this bad.  but I am going to stop this nonsense,  I guess I am doing this to myself.  I am so sorry you lost your voice.  is there anyway to bring it back.  you are a special.  actually you have a harder life than I have.  I was always shy.  the tachers always picked on me called on me all the time to get up in front of the class.  there is a lot of days I did not want to go to school old ladt shober was having discussion day.  I would slump down in my chair so she would not see me.  she would say is ........I think we will start of out discussion with her today.  my mom would never let me miss school.  I made good grades.  I was so glad when school was over.i will write to sara.   mandy
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4851940 tn?1515698193
I am glad to hear that you are taking a positive step.

I think the reason your teachers "picked" on you was because they could see that you were shy and introvert and were encouraging you to be more outgoing and positive.

Rather than dwelling on things in the past, try and live in the now and enjoy each day.  Don't forget that the way we were brought up and experienced in our youth, has shaped us to be the person we are now.

I am miming and making hand gestures (nice ones) to my husband.  I am resting my voice so that my larynx will recover.  Second day on the Augmentin (antibiotic) today and am drinking lots of green tea with honey.  Have a headache and suffer with tinnitus all the time, so will go back to bed for another sleep as no doubt my son and his young children will come later and I need to get a good rest before they come.  I would prefer that they didn't come, but love to see them all.  The children are 8, 7, 5 and 2, the older ones always argue who should stay with us.  I can manage 2, but hubby and I refuse to have 3 because we can't cope with it.  The 5 year old is the worst.

As the song goes "Always look on the bright side of life".
I love the song called We are Young.  The chorus words are: "Tonight we are young, We're gonna burn brighter than the sun".  

Best wishes.
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that only made me worse.  I felt like I was being picked on I was the only one in the class that she picked on.  oh well time gone by.  I like your words.  they are so pretty. wish I did not feel like I am being judged.  I never could please anyone.  my sis was 6 years  older than me.  I was expected to be like her only difference was she was pretty popular.  out going you know perfect.  I remember my sis came home from school they were bragging about her making a c.  I told them I made straight As she said not now she made a C.  I went to my room and cried thought maybe they will be proud of me if I made bad grades.  I was always expected to be what I wasnt.  oh well I have to walk on glass around everything I say gets her all bent out of shape.  you told me alredy or no answer at all.  I usually go back to my room.  I am so lonesome.  mandy876
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4851940 tn?1515698193
Your profile says that your are 73 now.  So why do you feel like you are being judged?  And who do you feel is judging you?

Do you think the people that you feel are judging you are bothered at all about your emotions?  If these people are truly judging you, it would make them really happy knowing that it is upsetting you.

The only way to get back at them is by not allowing yourself to feel so down and judged.  Just think to yourself "Stuff the lot of them, I am 73 and I will not be trampled on", or something similar in your own words.
By "trampled" I don't mean physically :)

They are getting on with their lives. So don't allow your thoughts to be negative and get on with your life.  None of us know when we have to depart from this earth and none of know what is beyond death.  So make the most of what you have no matter how small.

It is not easy to start to think in a positive way when one has been in a low feeling for a long time.  This is where your doctor will be able to help by referring you for counselling, but you need to ask.

We all feel lonely from time to time, even when we live in a house full of people.

Try and make enquiries if there are any over 50s clubs in your area that you could join so that you can meet new people.  Or even ask a neighbour to pop round for a chat over a cup of coffee, or go round to see how they are.  It is hard to do, but sometimes we have to push ourselves and just do it.  Although I appear to be quite jolly and extrovert, people don't realise how nervous and unsure I am inside and I think it is all about the fear of being rejected.  But even if someone says "no", it is not the end of the world.

Best wishes.
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480448 tn?1426952138
What a great addition you are to the forum!

I sincerely hope mandy takes your advice.  A few of us have been telling her the same things for a while now, but maybe hearing it from someone who has also had to overcome a lot to make life better for themselves will make more of an impact.

Life is what we make of it.  It surely isn't wasy, heck no....but if we're not trying, how can we ever expect anything to change?  We can't.

Blessings to you both!
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4851940 tn?1515698193
Thank you nursegirl6572.

The easiest thing to do is to give up.  I have been in that position many times when I think what's it all about.  And especially when the day is wasted by feeling ill and having to force yourself to do things.

I have been through a lot and experienced a really bad time in 2005 that left me with terrible flashbacks.  Doctor sent me for EMDR counselling and although I have not forgotten the trauma, the counselling allowed my brain to process the trauma and after 12 sessions I was a lot better and not flaring in anger when I saw the "triggers".

My father went through far worse and became orphaned at the age of 9.  This was during the Second World War.

You are right, it isn't easy, but we all have to do our best and enjoy what we have.  

Best wishes.
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I'm so glad that you have moved on with own family--your husband and children and grandchildren.  I know other people who have totally disowned their parents.  It has been a very positive step for all of them.  Although it makes me wonder that you and your husband used to have good times with your parents in the past for holidays.  Then later did your mother progressively get a bad attitude which then became too bad for your husband? Your description of your relationship to your mother and grandmother were like my mother's.  She told me during her hospice time that she had never felt love from her mother, but did feel it from her grandmother.  Just so you got it.  It does sound like the overall dynamics in your family were not good.  

It sounds like you will get your voice back with the medication and trying to rest it. I lost my voice for awhile, more than 3 years after my stroke.  But getting to a specialized ENT doctor, different from my usual ENT doctor, said from scoping my throat, that it was from my stroke.  I said "Do you often see this in stroke people years later?"  He said, yes, frequently.  I've had so very much go wrong with me since my stroke. LOL

Thanks for asking about my migraine triggers.  It was clear to the neurologists that my stroke caused my severe 24/7 migraines.  But I got a several thousand dollar IgG food sensitivity blood testing and it didn't show any food sensitivities at all, although since my stroke I HATE to eat.  And also have difficulty swallowing, both from my stroke. I only have limited disability on my dominant right side, beginning with paralysis.  My brain functions most of the time with my speech now, but I could barely speak or follow the simplest TV show for quite a while after my stroke.  Instead of begrudging all my disabilities, I now am grateful for what I do have.

Great advice for Mandy to check in on a neighbor. As well as your other suggestions.

You didn't say what was your disability that happened 20 years ago, or did I miss it.  Or was it from depression.  You have moved ahead so well with your life.  I'm glad for you.  And nursegirl was right that you are a great addition to this forum.
Sara
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Hi Mandy,  I too was extremely shy and introverted all through school.  Teachers would point out that I was the one student who was the least likely to say anything in class which just embarrassed me further. I was just terrified--probably from being terrorized by my father from as young as I can remember.

I got a little bit better through college.  But then when I got a job where public speaking was needed, I physically shook and my voice shook.  The administrator played a videotape of my pathetic public speaking to the whole staff and said to me in a stern scolding voice that I needed to join Toast Masters--an organization where you do public speaking at a club and are critiqued.  But I kept wanting to do the public speaking, and eventually I started my own business doing training to groups anywhere from a dozen to hundreds of people at a time. So I certainly do remember those grim reminders, but won out.  It is the past and not your current life.  No one is sending you to school anymore.  Perhaps you can send some positive messages to yourself about it now--that's it's over.  

I still had bad dreams, all these many years later about signing up for a class in H/S or college and never attended it and now it's the end of the semester.  And it was always in a class that you can't crash study for, like math or a foreign language.  I NEVER did anything remotely like that.  I finally took to telling myself before going to sleep positive things..  Then in the next dreams, I knew exactly where to go to find out where the class was and the semester was just starting. Then I took to telling myself before I went to sleep that I would never sign up for a class again due to my stroke.  That then translated into my dreams that I wasn't able to take any more classes.  It only took me about 35 years to think of the solution!  So positive messages to yourself can work on your subconscious.  

Again, I wish you the best.  Or to anyone else who has bad dreams, try it.
love,  Sara
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4851940 tn?1515698193
Oh dear I am sorry to hear you have a problem with swallowing and hate to eat.  Hope you have you have blood tests done from time to time to make sure you are not anaemic or lacking in the Vitamin Bs and especially B12.  Do you take supplements to compensate for lack of vitamins and minerals with you having a problem with swallowing?

The doctor asked me yesterday if I have a problem with swallowing.  I don't.  I do have a deviation in the oesophagus so sometimes I feel food and drink feels stuck.

When I worked as a cleaner I experienced a trapped nerve in the neck that ran down like an electric shock down the spine.  I had a neck problem since the age of 11 when we had to do a backward roly-poly.  I got qualified as a word processor operator and got a part time job, which enabled me to take care of my children and my granny who lived with my parents (they were still working).  

My granny looked after us when we were young because my mother worked full-time.  I felt closer to my granny than to my mother.  My mother was only very "warm and caring" to the youngest child.  As soon as another child came along the others were pushed aside.  I am the eldest of 5.
My mother is the type of person that if you get on the wrong side of her or you do not agree with her, she is resentful and holds a grudge.

I was never a "yes mum, no mum" just to agree with her.  So that never went down too well.  As my parents got older she used to be really nasty to my dad in front of me.  Although my husband could not understand her language, he knew that she was nasty.  When we both stuck up for my father, who has Altzheimers, she would then turn on us.  

Things came to a head last year when I was accused of things I did not do and the fact that I was not allowed to read her Will despite 3 out of 5 siblings having read it.

I was forced into early retirement on ill-health grounds at the age of 40 because of my hands packing up.  They were very painful and wouldn't work at all.  I had to wear wrist splints.  It was overuse, but I do have some carpal tunnel problems now.  Since losing my job, over the years I put on a lot of weight from overeating because of depression and do have problems with osteoarthritis in most joints, trapped nerves (meralgia parasthetica) and foot problems.  Because I have felt pins and needles for a very long time in my limbs, the neurologist said that I have peripheral nerve damage and to control my diabetes.  I am not diabetic, but am glucose intolerant.

At the age of 39 I had a kidney stone, but because the only symptoms I had that were pins and needles in my feet, I was treated for depression because I broke down in tears when I went to see the doctor.  After many months I was sent for xrays, then the neurologist and then to the urologist.  By the time I saw the urologist, I was extremely ill and had to be admitted to hospital for urgent removal of the kidney stone that was lodged in the ureter.  

I do suffer from postural hypertension because of my neck problem.  At Christmas I had really painful legs on the inside of my thighs that was diagnosed as cellulitis.  I have osteoarthritis now in the hips and knees, but my right knee is the worst.  The whole leg was very swollen and very painful for months and the Ibuprofen was making it much worse.  There is moderate degeneration in the medial compartment and the patella.  I have seen Triage and am now waiting for a appointment for physiotherapy.

I can't cope with too much to think about, because my brain just seems to cease up and I just end up literally going round in a circle and panicking.  I have to pace myself and takes things easy.  Yet in an emergency I have a clear head and know what to do.

The mornings are the worst because of the stiffness from the arthritis.
I am on Citalopram and recently was prescribed with Amytriptyline (an antidepressant that is used for nerve and leg pains).  Isn't helping much for the pain, but it does make me sleep.

Problem with the depression is that I can never make up my mind what to do.  If I plan to something, you can bet I won't do it but will do something completely different.  I can't make decisions if there is a choice.

I have been treated for depression on and off throughout my life.  My father suffered from depression when he was younger and my mother doesn't even understand what depression is.  At the age of 17 I was very anaemic and rock bottom and tried to slash my wrists, but could do it.  My mother was always shouting and always blaming me for whatever happened.  I was forcing myself many times not to stab her with the kitchen knife.  I had a fear of knives for years in case I did something that I could not control, so when I saw one lying about on the kitchen work top I would put it away quickly into the drawer.

I did have a better relationship with my mother once I left home, up until a few years ago.  We just used to tolerate her nastiness.  But as hubby and I have got older, we don't want nastiness in our lives any more.

I do love my garden and plants.  The garden is absolutely colourful at the moment (just thought I'd end on a happy note).

Take care and have fun Sara

Best wishes.

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Jemma,  Wow, you had a really nasty mother.  That could have affected your mental state big time.  No wonder you had the suicidal thoughts.  But depression is also a biological disease which you may well have inherited it from your father.  I too have suffered from depression my whole life, except when I've had it successfully treated which has included most of the last 25 years.  But I got severely depressed, close to suicide, a couple years ago because of my constant severe pain and not being able to do anything that I wanted to do.  My doctor thought that the pain had finally gotten to me as with a lot of chronic pain people who do commit suicide.  Raising my anti-depressant did save me.  So I do feel for you and hope that you are taking anti-depressant that is helping your depression. All the anti-depressants are natural pain killers.  Even my Effexor, now Pristiq was not listed as one of them that particularly helps pain, but when I raised it, I thought that it had helped with it.  And recently I saw a medical journal article that did state Effexor as being especially good for pain.  Depression by itself makes pain seem worse.  So if the amitriptlyene isn't helping your depression enough, I would try for another one that does.  And with a long history of depression, you are wise to stay on anti-depressants because going on and off of them makes it more difficult for them to work.  

Your difficulty making decisions and your mind panicking with too much to think about is more likely from your nasty upbringing.  I hope that you don't judge yourself about it.  It doesn't sound like you do.

You must have some ability to have a garden and plants.  Between my fibromyalgia and my stroke, those days are gone.  But glad that you are enjoying your beautiful surroundings.  We must make the most of everything that we have.

I take extra doses of Vit B6, Vit 12 and Folic Acid because my blood levels show too high levels of homocysteine.  I have had many many blood tests with all of my medical problems. My swallowing problems are due to my stroke.  It will be a life long problem like my whole right side is disabled.  My ENT doctor actually saw the food in my throat that I had eaten 2 hours before!!  She said, "Someone wasn't listening to you. I've seen it." LOL

You have done extremely well considering your upbringing.  It sounds like the lies that your mother is believing about you is due to her dementia.  Let one of your other siblings take care of her.  I'm glad that you are out of it.
All the best to you,
Sara
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I don't want to lose you as my friend.  I do not handle rejection  very well.  I am so sorry.  I wish I could take it back but I was so afraid of losing your friendship I thought I would leave it would not hurt as bad.  I was wrong.  I have lost so many things in my life including my sis who is still a live.  I can not deal with this any more.  I want to go be with my family.  mandy876
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looks like you and sara are now friends you are both great people.  hope you keep in touch.  mandy876
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1110049 tn?1409405744
Please stay with your friends here.  We all care about each other.  Please don't talk about wanting to be with your family in heaven.  You have family members here on earth.  You say there will be a lot of you at yours at Christmas, so there are still those you care about here.  

Depression is a horrid illness.  It takes away so much from us.  I know how you feel, as I have been there many times.  We are your friends here, so please keep on posting.
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4851940 tn?1515698193
Mandy, just because other people talk with each other, does not mean we are not your friends.  I am friends with everyone.  Even though I suffer from depression I put on a smile on my face and talk with people no matter who they are.  When I have been sad, strangers have approached and spoken to me.

You are in a very low ebb in you life at the moment and it feels to you that there is no way out.  Once you accept that you are going through a bad phase and seek help, you are on the right road to recovery.

We all have losses and it is very hard and tough.  

When you say "I want to go be with my family", I presume that you want to die to join them in the heavens.  

Your family would not want you to do that.  Your family will want for you to get on with your life the best you can.  God will only take you into his arms when it is your time to leave this earth.  Your family do not want you to hurt yourself.  Even though they are not with you in person, they are always with you in spirit.

Speak with your doctor to increase or change your medications.

But most of all for your doctor to refer you to Bereavement Counselling.

Best wishes.

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I don't think I nave much energy left to fight life anymore.  I am so tired.  I started a new column.  maybe this will be a new beginning. my friends on here  or very important to me.  helps me deal with the loneliness.  I am so glad you are here.  your friend mandy876
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4851940 tn?1515698193
The reason you do not have any energy and feel so tired is you are likely to be anaemic and deficient in Vitamin B12.

Go and see your doctor so that he can take a blood test to check you out for anaemia and B12 deficiency.  As you are not eating properly it is highly likely that you are anaemic.  

Depression can make you feel tired, but so can blood disorders.  If you don't tell the doctor, then he won't be able to help you.

What do you mean you started a new column?

I feel very tired, I have had a really bad bowel problem and have had to shower and take a bath.  I think I ate too many Strepsils last night - 10 within 15 minutes.  But am forcing myself to sit and type this message to you and will now go to see to my dinner.

Please go and see your doctor.  If you do not do that, there is no point in starting a new column, because you are just going round in circles and getting nowhere.

Best wishes.
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5601293 tn?1370707117
Hi ,Have you tried probiotics ? ... bad composition of human microflora is associated with depression , since these little microbes can make u feel like sh*t .... or they can give you incredible sense of well-being via the "vagus nerve" :)

Not to mention Lactobacilli during fermentation release "Tryptophan" well known antidepressant .

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1110049 tn?1409405744
Hi, I have been taking probiotic drinks for years, for good health, but also I have had depression for years.  I also eat priobiotic yoghurt twice daily, but I don't know if it has helped my depression.  Having said that, I do feel so much better mentally, that I am going to gradually reduce my anti-depressants, and continue taking the priobotics.  Every day I also take vitamin B complex, Omega 3 and multivitamin tablets.  I do feel very well.

There may be something in what you say.  Do you take these.  How do you feel?  I would take anything, within reason, that would make me feel better.  A small drink, yoghurt and supplements, are certainly on my daily menu.
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5601293 tn?1370707117
Well , it will sound insane , but in my case yeast ( Candida Albicans) blocked my neurotransmitters in my intestines . Basically i had no emotions , lack of mental clarity , panic attacks ..i felt like **** there was no energy, problem was wrong PH down there . So yeast dominated over friendly bacteria , when i took care of PH to ensure friendly bacteria will flourish by Molkosan and upped quality probiotics 30+ billion up (Renew life , Healthy Origins 30 billion probiotic ) i crowed out yeast and other pathogens , believe it or not , but it worked and all my symptoms went away , but i had some hard "die off" symtoms it happens when boosted Friendly bacteria were slaughtering pathogens . ( Headache,burning sensation in stomach,explosive whistling sounds from the gut ,muscle pain , fatigue,little constipation,suicidal thinking)

Probiotic drinks are full of sugar and there are basically no living creatures.Try probiotic supplements or home made Kefir ... I like Water Kefir its very rich in probiotics and beneficial acids .

For example proven probiotic strain Lactobacillus Rhamnosus GG (Culturelle) has been shown to reduce anxiety and depression in mice by stimulating GABA receptor .

How i feel ? I feel great :) .... in my case root of the problem = Gut .


btw : Quote "Recently it was discovered that gut pathogens in the GI tract can communicate with the central nervous system and influence behavior associated with emotion.....,"  enjoy reading http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2664325/
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what is probiotics.  I drink boost.  is it in it?  I wrote and asked does anyone  know anything about abilify to enhance my Effexor.  my niece was on them or is on them.  they made her gain weight.  she must be off them she has lost around 50lbs.  I am proud of her. I would life some info if anyone knows.  mandy876
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4851940 tn?1515698193
Probiotics are contained in natural yogurt.  You can also purchase capsules of probiotics.  These are the good bacteria that we need inside our guts to keep us well and healthy.

The only Boost that I know of is a yummy toffee chocolate bar.  But I am in the UK.  I just fancy some now :)

If you are on Effexor, you should be closely monitored by your doctor and if they are not working for you, then you need to make an appointment and see your doctor about it.  It has to be used with caution in the elderly.

Effexor does not suit everyone and some people do get side effects from them.  Gaining weight is one of the side effects and there are other side effects too.

Please go and see your doctor and ask him to do a blood test for anaemia and Vitamin B12 deficiency.  Discuss with your doctor your anti-depressant dosages and ask to be referred to Bereavement Counselling.

Best wishes.
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1326416 tn?1370930601
I read this entire post and am blown away at the kindness, thoughtfulness, and sharing that I encountered. It's refreshing to see this kind of support and to complete strangers in some cases!  I'm not in this community much, but think it's one of the best anyone could ever hope to find. Keep on doing what you guys are doing.
     shinty
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Mandy,  You never lost me as your friend.  I was the one who felt hurt at you saying that I was no longer your friend.  I am very glad to be your friend.

If your doctor has recommended that you add Abilify, I would do it.  A lot of times, it can take a boost from the Abilify to get better from depression.  My mother was on Effexor until she died at age 88.  She was the happiest that she was ever was, even though she was in hospice because she finally was given a higher dose of Effexor.  It does NOT need careful observation of it.  My mother was treated by a highly prestigious major University medical system.  I am 61 and don't need any special observation of the doses either.  I, my mother, and two friends never had any weight gain from taking Effexor. It sounds like you are concerned about weight gain.  I wouldn't be, especially since you are having trouble eating very much from you wrote before.  And even if you did gain a few pounds, wouldn't it be worth it to feel good again?
Your friend,  Sara
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I don't have to worry about gaining weight I weigh 91lbs.  my doctor wants me to gain weight.  the abilify puts weight on you.  but I worry about the side effects.  my niece wants me to go on them.  she was on them and gained weight what she is on now she has lost about 50 lbs. I am so lucky to have some good friends.  thank you.  your friend mandy876
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That's a reasonable concern to be concerned about side effects.  The only way you will know is if you try the medication. And I would suggest that you start off very slowly.  If the medication is NOT an extended release form, then you could start off with half the pill.  Ask the pharmacist who can tell you for sure.  You should be on extended release Effexor pills for the best outcome.  You can tell that by the XR listed after Effexor.  But many pills are dividable.  

If you do get side effects, such as nausea, it can pass with time.  I'm having that trouble right now with one of my medications which the doctor said to divide up into quarters and to take it more often to spread out the effects.  But keep in my mind that you are getting very bad "side effects" from your depression, so it's worth trying a new medication to try to offset your terrible loneliness and sadness.  Good luck and let me know.
Love, Sara
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4851940 tn?1515698193
Sorry if I upset anyone with regard to Effexor information.  The information is on their website.

I am glad that it is helping a lot of people.  I had considered asking my doctor to try me on this, but I already suffer from hypertension, so it may not suit me.

I did not understand what "abilify" was.  At first I thought it was a misspelling of a word.  But now do realise that it must be some form of medication.

Hope you are all keeping as well as can be.

Best wishes.
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No problem. I also suffer from hypertension and need medication for that.  So unless the website mentioned that and your hypertension is through the roof, I wouldn't think that it would be a problem for you.  My mother also had hypertension with taking it.  But Effexor might not be the best first choice for you.  Some people have difficulty going off of it.  Not me and my friends who have all gone off of it.  But if you go off of it very gradually, it shouldn't be a problem.  Most of the complaints are from people who are cutting their doses in half over night.  Not smart.  Now I'm on it for life, since I have a long history of depression and this was the only one that helped me.  And to bring me out of a nearly suicidal depression from my severe pain, with just raising it.. .in my eyes, this Effexor is a miracle drug!!  I truly didn't think that ANY drug could help me since it was so situational. And the increase did help my pain some as well.  Wish you the best.  Sara
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4851940 tn?1515698193
Sounds pretty good to me.  I want some.

I will mention Effexor to my doctor when I see him next time.  It would definitely be worth trying them if they help and ease the pains.

The drugs I am on are OK, but I am not completely well.  It could be that it is not available in the UK.  Or it could be just too expensive and they try us on the cheapest drugs first.

I definitely need something stronger to help with my pains.  I have been feeling so dreadful today and dizzy and aching all over, that I even took one Diazepam and had a sleep in the afternoon.

Still feel dizzy, but I think it is to do with my stomach.  It is either my antibiotic is having an effect, or the too many throat lozenges that I am consuming, or a different virus.  

Best wishes.
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get the generic brand venlafaxine HCL ER.  I know these will be cheaper.  my insurance will cover most of the cost of mine.  thank goodness.  thee abilify is a enhancement for the depression meds.  today my niece was just standing In the hall I asked her what was wrong she said she was dizzy.  it is really strange we are both really dizzy.  we have no gas in the house  it is total electric.  could it be something in the house?  she is still having trouble with one o her arms the other arm is healed.  it should have healed by now.  I will not go off the Effexor I was crying and no eating  and did not want to even try to live.  it stopped the crying.  but it did keep my emotions  down.  my childhood friend died.  I could not cry.  I did care.  it was so strange it was like it was someone else not me.  for some reason I have cried nearly all last week.  we are going tomorrow to get a kitten.  
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I'm so glad to hear you're getting a kitten. There are so many out there that need a good loving home. I think this kitten is going to bring you a lot of happiness. Will you post pictures of your new kitty? I can't wait to see it.
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4851940 tn?1515698193
Thank you Mandy.
Unfortunately in the UK we cannot purchase antidepressants and lots of medications without a doctor's prescription.

Glad to hear that you taking your medication and not going to stop taking them.

How wonderful that you will be having a little kitten.  Let us all know what he/she is like.  

Don't worry about not crying.  I think by the sound of it that you cried yourself dry with crying all week.  Crying is a good way of releasing bottled up problems - plus the fact it helps to clean the  eyes.

Everyone shows grief in different ways.

Let us know how you get on with your kitten.  

Best wishes.
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Glad that you're getting a kitten.  What fun that will be, because they love to play at that age.  Even following a string gives them loads of fun.  And the cat will give you much companionship.

It doesn't sound like you are on an adequate dose of Effexor.  You don't say what your current dose is.  Have you told your doctor that you are still depressed, even though you've gotten some better from taking it?  It would seem like the doctor would want to increase it. Let me know about that.  Also let me know what the doctor is giving you for your headaches and your nausea.  
Sara
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we got the kitten yesterday.  he is little.  we adopted him from the animal shelter.  they had got a momma and she gave birth to 8 kittens.  when we went in there were some people in there wanting a kitten.  we wanted the black and white one that kept slapping out fingers.  the kennel man came back and said they wanted both the black and white is one was a female.  they were both males.  they took one and we adopted the other.  he has been crying ever since.  today for the first time I had a real soft blanket and I laid him in my lap.  and he fell sound a sleep if I moved my hand he would hold on tighter.  but he got frisky and started clawing on everything and climbing omn everything.  my niece is having second thoughts.  he is a hand full'  he would not eat anything til she started eating an arby sandwich.  he started starring at her and crying.  she gave him some roast.  he loved it wanted it all.  we called him arby. mandy876
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Aw! This is such a sweet story. It sounds like your new little guy is already getting very attached to you. Kittens can be a handful at first. So, hang in there with him. He will grow fast and start to settle down. He's still getting used to be away from his siblings and being in a new home. It's going to work out.
Ha ha! You named him Arby? That's great. I hope you can post a picture of him soon. He sounds like a cutie. Sorry if I misunderstood. Is he black and white?
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4851940 tn?1515698193
That's nice about your Arby.

Make sure your feed him on cat food that is specifically made for kittens and kitten milk.

If he is still young, other foods can upset his stomach and he could get the diarrhea.  Make sure you deworm him, every 2 weeks is usually the treatment for worming kittens until a certain age.  The same for fleas.

If he is not trained to use his toilet tray, you will need to encourage him to use that too.

Do you know how old he is and his birthday?  

Best wishes.
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they were using a litter box at the adoption center,  I wanted the mama.  she was so sweet.  we decided to take arby back to be with his siblings.  he was clawing up the new couch. he cried  until I came back into the room.  he jumped on me and tried to eat my med bracelet.  it was so hard to take him back. but I know he is so cute he will find a good home. when we took him back petco had just left by the rescue squad to take them to petco.  he was all alone.  he said he would call them to come back and get him. he said we had 30 days if we changed our minds.  I don't know if we did the right thing.  we kept watching to see iff he used the litter box.  we kept putting him in it.  but he jumped right.  then she noticed it smelled behind her chair that is where he was using the carpet.  we moved the litter box behind her chair and immediately started using it.  we are too old for such an active kitten.  he was all over the place crying.  he kept running back to see if I was there.  I have been upset but it was a lot.  mandy876
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Mandy,  I think that you did the right thing.  It sounded to me from what you had said about the kitten earlier that it had been taken away from his/her mother too soon.  I had a kitten like that. They are never the same. Kittens shouldn't cry so much.  They should naturally use a litter box.

I think that you need a different kitten or a cat.  Most of my kittens have needed a lot of vet visits, but you may be up to it.  And you never know their personalities until they are grown up.  I had the cutest kitten which turned into a cat that would suddenly bite and claw for no reason as it was an adult.  It also viciously attacked our other cats.  I had to take him to the humane society.  Someone else did adopt him.  I kept track of it.  He was a pretty cat.  Now I need to get at least one other cat because there are 2 of them and one is dying from kidney failure.  The other one will be too lonely.  I am planning to get a grown cat, hopefully a young one.  But kittens are so cute.  You may want all the playfulness that they do which can be a riot.  I would be sure to get another cat or kitten though.  Good luck.  Sara
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4851940 tn?1515698193
You did the right thing taking the kitten back.

Kittens should not be removed from their mother before 6 weeks of age.

I was looking after a queen that gave birth to 4 kittens on 10 April.
They were all sold after 6 weeks of age

One young lady came to pick a black and white kitten from me and she held it and it was very comfortable with her, it started to lick itself and to lick her thumb.  I had never seen anything like that before, they were definitely suited to each other, the kitten was so comfortable with her.

When you go to choose any animal, hold it and see how you are with the animal and the animal with you, before you decide to keep it.  
With a cat, you need one that is toilet trained, has already been wormed and treated for fleas.

When kittens cry, that usually means they want something or are not happy.

Looking after any animal takes some time and energy.  

Best wishes.
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we took him back.  he was a hand full.  he did curl up in my lap and got a good nap.  but he saw my medical alert bracelet and stuck his claws on both side on my arm and grabed hold of my bracelet and would no  let go.  it was hurting. we decided we had got rid of all our older cats and would have to buy everything.  it would add up. we are going to try to go to the coast I am not sure if either one of us feels like taking a trip.  would like to get away for a while and try to relax.  my nieces daughter is packing up her things they are being evicted because her man will not get a job.  she has a 7 and  a 6 month old.  I told her her car insurance is due next month.  and she told me it was still in my name she did not have the money.  I cant afford to pay everyones bills.  am I being ysed.  I am so tired.  mandy876
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Mandy,
If you don't want to be taken advantage of, then you need to put limits on what you do.   If the car is still in your name, you should take it back.  Otherwise if there is any major accident, YOU can be sued for everything that you have.  You also will be liable for any parking tickets which can add up to thousands of dollars with fines.  

Then there is an easy solution to the problem of your niece's daughter not having a car.  Her man can get a job.  Or her man can watch the children while your niece's daughter gets a job.  It's that simple.  Don't you pay the car insurance or it is all your fault that people use you.  

I hear you complaining a lot about people using you.  You can just STOP getting taken advantage of.  

Sara
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4851940 tn?1515698193
I agree with everything Sara says.

Mandy it is your car.  If you can't afford insurance, or to keep the car, then sell it.  It is YOUR car not theirs.  When you do sell the car, make sure you do not give any of them any of YOUR money.

Tough on them if they do not have the convenience of using someone else's car.  There is always public transport!  They will continue to use you, because you let them.  You have to be firm and stand up for yourself.  Say no and mean it.

You owe them absolutely nothing.

With regard to the kitten, he was just playing with your wrist band.  You did the right thing in taking him back.  So do not worry about that.

Best wishes.
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I know the kitten was playing he kept crying and I picked him up and laid him on a real soft cover.  he laid real still.  I talked real soft to him and he watched me for a while then I rubbed between his eyes.  he went sound asleep.  if I left the room for anything he would run from my chair to the sofa and if he did not seem he would start crying.  I walked in the room he came running.  I really was growing to love him.  I am too old.   I was worn out by the end of the day.  wish I could be a better person.  no need in  me seeing the doctor I have soooomany problems it would not do any good.  I am tired why want god just take me.  I am so tird.  love mandy876
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A grown cat does not need much attention.  That kitten was troubled, but any kitten will take more energy from you.  So I still think that a cat would be some good companionship for you.

People with "sooo many problems" do need to see doctors.  I don't know why you won't even go to your doctor. It's just plain self destructive.  
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it does  not matter no one cares if I live or die.  I am lonely.  my friends are dead or moved away.  my used to be my next door neighbor.  we still keep in touch not as much as we used to.  her husband has been in the hospital 2 days.  they found that he has a blockage in his neck.  he is going to a heart doctor next week.  doesn't sound good.  they have each other.  no  one calls except a phone solicitor.  I guess I can talk to them.  my niece never feels good and does not want to talk much.  she talks to every one else. I have an appointment Monday.  but why should I go.is that or anything going to make me happy? if I get well I will still have the same problems. we are  all going to die.  god will take us when it wants us. why waste all that money and still feel the same way.  mandy876
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Yes, you are right that we are all going to die.  That is a fact.

What matters is how you live your life.  
God has left you because you ARE needed here on this earth.  You may not thinks so, but you are helping others.

You are helping your niece for a start.  And you also give people support on this MedHelp.  You did write in another forum about the bad things that happened to your niece and her children.  Where would she have ended up if you were not there for her?

You may feel lonely, we all feel lonely from time to time even with a houseful of people.   Lonely is a state of mind.  Your mind at the moment is on the negative side.  

You did say in the other forum and here that you are seeing your doctor on Monday.  You must keep that appointment and make yourself go to see him.  I know how you feel, I have to force myself to go to see the doctor too.

Do not waste the appointment.  Doctors do not have magic wands to wave to make us feel young and well again, but they have the knowledge with regard to medicines that can make things a little less uncomfortable for us.

May be you could go with your neighbour one day and visit her husband in hospital with her.  She will be needing some support too, and this is an opportunity for you to help her and yourself.

Best wishes.


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she is my ex neighbor.  he is home until he goes next week to see a heart specialist.  she can not drive any more she gets confused.  a couple of years we were going to get our mammograms.  we made a turn an she went on the wrong side of the road.  she had to turn around with on coming traffic.  she ran over the curb a couple.  kind of scared me.  she has a daughter that is a teacher.  she is out of school now she will be taking her.  they are a very close family. I like to never of gone to sleep last night it was around 3am  I had taken a pain pill a muscle relaxer and a nerve pill.  it worked in about an hour.  I can not relax.  sometimes I will realize I am not relaxing.  it is weird. thank you for being here for me.  you do help me.  your friend love mandy876
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4851940 tn?1515698193
I find if I cannot sleep, I just get up and make a hot drink of green tea with fresh lemon juice and honey.

If you cannot drop off to sleep, just get out of bed and do something, come on MedHelp, read a book.  Then when you feel like you are tired, go back to bed.

Sometimes I cannot sleep because I feel so hot that I come down and sit naked at the computer and when I start to feel cold and can't keep my head up, I go back to bed.

Don't watch any thrillers or horror films or anything that puts you on edge before bedtime.

You could even have a relaxing bath with some lavender oil to help you relax in the evening before retiring to bed.

Best wishes.
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I wrote you a whole bunch of things my program went off.  I will start over.  I have always had a hard time going to sleep.  I hate night that is when I miss my hubby most.  I keep the tv on all the time.  I play games and get on medhelp.  go to e mail and write a note for my other nieces daughter.  she sends me pictures and how her love life is going.  which normally bad.  she has had 5 babies.  one baby died he strangled on his vomit.  another was hurt down there by her boy friend.  he went to jail.  but they took the baby away from her.  her first 2 her ex and his girl raise them.  she has them most weekends.  her daughter wrote her the sweetest letter on how proud she was for being such a good mom even though she had financial problems,  she is sweeter to me than any one else.  love mandy876
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4851940 tn?1515698193
It is nice that your niece's daughter still keeps in touch with you and sends you pictures.

It is a shame about the babies though.

Best wishes.
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she has really had a rough life.  when she was a teen in school.  she was on the drill team.  they performed at football games and in competition.  they had a car wash to earn money for a trip.  she tripped and damaged her front teeth.  they capped her teeth but it would never stay fixed.  she just now got to where she had the money to fix her teeth.  she has the most beautiful smile.  all her life her teeth she always covered her mouth  if my mom had of known this.  she would have had her teeth fixed.  she had all her top teeth removed.  her last baby was born in October he is 6 our baby was born in October he is 6 and my nieces other daughter had her boy in the same October he is 6 too. with 3 weeks we had 3 new boys to our family.  I know in my heart that she will always will love me.  she always has. the man that raised them was not there birth father.  but he was a wonderful dad.  just the 2 older girls.  the 2 boys she had when the girls were in high school .  were his.  he was always special to me and my mom.  he finally got a divorce.  she cheated on him with her daughters boy friend.  we all for gave her but she crushed her husband.  he became an alcoholic.  she ruined his life.  the oldest boy goes and sees his dad all the time.  I am glad.  I better quit talking I will get in trouble again.  your friend  mandy876
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