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Depression Community
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Avatar universal

About me being here in the forum

It seems ever time I come into this forum I try to give as much advice as I can to people who are needing soemone to talk to or just listen to, but every time I leave a comment no one seems to see that I even exist in here. I am thinking of leaving the whole forum thing.  It makes me feel good to try and help those in need cause I am that type of person who is VERY compassionate and understanding kind of guy.  Anyone have any advice. Maybe I need to add to my profile or is it something that I am doing wrong. Anywho, any advice would help.
15 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi, I aways respond to who ever gives me advice, it's just common politeness.  I'm sorry noone responded to you.  
Avatar universal
I thank you for replying back to me. I try to give as many people out there who are in need of help the best advice I can give them based on the fact or advice I get from my own therapist and pass it on to them.  I am a nervous wreck right now as June 2 I am going into surgery to have a medal plate removed from my right leg that was put in when I was involved in a hit and ru naccident in 2004. The mewdal plate was just there for supposrt until the bones have healed completely.  It is scariing me. My whole family is going to be there.  As I was told they are going to keep me there due to the fact I had previous complicationsa when the plate was put in the first plate.  Please keep me in your prayers.  Thanks and God Bless
190673 tn?1259203266
I am sure many people are greatful for helpful advices. But some people simply don't reply to it.

For instance, I asked a question about sexual side effects and Hensley258 replied and his reply helped me A LOT, but I didn't say thank you partially because I don't like making short posts and partially because I do not think it is neccesery or that he cares. But I am VERY greatfull for his and other similar advices I get.
190673 tn?1259203266
Just read your other post. I'm sorry for your health issues. I wish you fast and easy recovery and try not to be too nervous about it.

best of luck
Avatar universal
Hi

People who come on here are often in a desperate state.
Sometimes I reply answering the question and they re post as if no one replied?
You cant really blame them, who knows what is going on really, they could be adjusting to side effects or desperately ill?

Then sometimes people send me personal messages saying "that was exactly what I was looking for"

One time, I pointed out that someone might want to put their question on the Bipolsr forum.  I was completely attacked.
How dare you........  what lack of compassion............etc

My reply was completely misread by another poster, who must have been feeling very defensive or down, I dont know I didnt understand it.  The original poster backed her up because they were friends, dear me, I actually didnt sleep that night and didnt know how to difuse.  I tried to explain again and they were on me like dogs?  They implied all kinds of stuff about me etc.  Also not being American, could it be a cultural thing?  Because I said "I suggest you post the question there"  (meaning you will get a better answer)  As you can see it still bothers me 8 months later!
They didnt look at my profile or my other posts, my thank you notes.  It was completely off the wall.  I wanted to leave.

Someimes it is not an easy place to be, that is for sure I agree with you there.

But still I think the positive outweighs the negative.

Good luck with your health + take care of yourself and I think it is very worthwhile you being here, but yes it is not easy.
Avatar universal
Being on the internet is really hard to tell what or how a person is feeling without and actual verbal response. Agaiin I am a VERY compassionate and understanding person as my family and friends would say about me. I love helping people the best that I can cause it makes me feel good that I made someone happy ALL BECAUSE someone was there to listen.  That is what I am here for TO LISTEN!!!.  Their significant (If they have one) or if they are lonely and depressed and looking for someone to talk to isn't their for them, so they7 try to com ehere for help. I tell each and EVERY person on here they have made an excellent decision by coming in here and talking about their issue.  As from my past experience, and through extensive therapy, keeping your feeling inside is the worse thing to. It is like a volcanoe waiting to explode. Then they result to suicide.  I am needing some help my self but anything I share with anyone is some of the things I have learned form my therapist or other people.

Your Friend,

Craigers
874521 tn?1424116797
goodluck with your surgery I don't blame u for being concerned, we learn to handle our present state and are fearful of change perhaps when outcome is never predictable.
I enjoy your posts and we are all thankful for your compassion, this is a good forum..we are lucky to have so many knowledgable and compassionate people such as yourself. stay with us please
Avatar universal
Thanks so much, you are right and lets keep on trying.
Let us know how the medical traetment goes.

Therese
Avatar universal
Hi,

You make an interesting & valid point. Perhaps it may help if you try to view any posts or advice you send as given freely & in good faith, and abandon expectations of replies or thanks. Trying to help others is good for the soul and for one's mental health (in general), but expecting gratitude isn't. Here in England, the platitude "Kindness is its own reward" is still in use & holds true.

However, good luck in dealing with your own difficulties & thank you for bringing an important issue out into the open.
Avatar universal
Craiger's your help is appreciated, but your aren't a counsellor  nor are you here to rescue someone.  If one person takes your advice out of all of your posts, that's awesome. You shouldn't post advice to get responses. I think you need to take a wee step back and figure out motive.  Good advice from our  members is great, but expecting kudos or appreciation for it, you just shouldn't expect.

I've been a Community leader for quite a while, and I've never had the expectation of a thank you, in fact if I do get one, I'm moved.
Avatar universal
Hey Craigers,

I know how you feel. Like you're wasting your time for no reason, right? I used to feel like that too but then I realised that when I was at my worst with depression etc I only wanted to talk about me and offered nothing to others. So when that happens to me after spending time replying I understand that people just don't have the energy to do anything but survive.

Of course too there's the problem that we are often guessing with our responses and may be right off the mark.

I figured after some time on forums that one or two responses a week was a great return for me. I felt good if I got that amount of response. Either through sheer politeness or, best, if someone thought they had benefited from my ponderings.

Focus on giving Craigers and you will feel good about yourself and that in turn will show in how you intertact with others.

You've done a brave thing in posting this as it is how many of us feel at times and we say nothing. Depression is a very selfish illness and I put down the lack of response to that.

Mind you since I've been on this forum I've made quite a few replies to others and only 1 post about myself. Guess how many responses I got to my own situation? NIL.  Ah well, just means people don't understand the issue I raised really. Or have no suggestions at all.

Keep posting mate, we all need to pitch in while we can.
585414 tn?1288941302
I'd say we all are just sharing ideas. Some people log on more than others. If someone is going through a difficult situation in life they might appreciate some of people's supportive advice but not be up to responding at that time. Let's just try to think if we were in that position. Giving someone encouragement to seek help might be of importance to them but then in knowing they needed help their next call might be to their psychiatrist to schedule an appointment. Even though, aside from community leaders, we are all equal as site members, we also need to realize that part of the recovery process is not expecting gratification in return for our support. Let's just relax and realize all of our ideas, as long as they are appropriate and within guidelines are ideas to encourage people in the right direction which would involve speaking to their providers who are the ones who make the ultimate decisions. When I've provided peer counseling to people in the outside world (before joining this site) I never expected people to show appreciation. People who are just starting the recovery process may not be able to at that point but may be thankful after..
914086 tn?1247737867
I would agree with ILADVOCATE we are all here to share ideas and be encouraging to others and to also respect the fact that some people are not able to reply to posts all the time or even most times. This is their time to heal and to find answers in their own way and time frame. So give freely without strings. Don't bug a person just leave a note and most of all enjoy the forum. Karma will always come back to you in its own time.
Avatar universal
idk, When I respond to a post and give advice, it is because I feel like I have something to contribute to that situation. I actually never thought one way or the other about a response. Sometimes I do get one and sometimes I dont. Even if what I had to say did not help the original poster, it may help someone else who reads it. My thing on this forum, is the same question or situation over and over and over. I do wish people would read some of the previous posts because there is a gold mine of information there that wants it.  I think sometimes people think this is a good place to chat and do not realize we are not always on hand to answer. So, in other words, keep giving your input and quit expecting a response and you will not be disappointed. What you have to say will be helpful to others and you will not even know it.:D
Avatar universal
When I respond to a post, it is because I am here to help those in need and an ear to listen.  I will continue to help ANYONE who is looking ofr adivce.  And if someone has a prob with it then that is too bad. That is my personality. N o one can change that. You are right andf I am not a professional, "BUT" I do pass on the advice either from my past experience or the advice I geet form my therapist and pass it on to who I think could use it.  I am a very COMPASSIONATE and understanding.  I don't intend to put anyone down.  If anyone is needing someone to talk to cause they don't have anyone their at home or a friend to talk to. I am here for you. I will do my best to there for you.  EVEN if it is just someone to just listen.  Here is a hug to those who could use one.
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