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Adderal after drug addiction

I was diagnosed with an addictive personality as well as a dual diagnosis (depression and drug addiction). I used meth and Loracets daily for 6 years. These 2 demons turned out to be my drug's of choice after trying most everything out there. Financially it was killing me and destroying my family life. I'm not sure why, because my husband is the best, that I had an affair with someone 15 yrs younger than I am. This went on for 6 months. I have been sober for 2 months with the help of NA, Rehab for the pain med (I was sedated from a shot and Librium for 3 solid days to avoid the withdrawal), love and support from my family, counseling and medications from my psychiatrist. I take 3 anti-depressants, atarax, and adderol 20mg in am and 20 mg in the afternoon. I can eat and sleep just fine, so it doesn't seem to effect me like other people and I'm not sure why. I hear so many addicts say how happy they are now that they are in recovery. It worries me that I don't feel that way. My Pro's out way my Con's with my addictions. Honestly, when I was using I looked better, felt better, was happy, performed better on my job, was able to take care of the home and family.Has anyone felt this way besides me? I know I can't go back to using every day. I know that I will always be an addict and will struggle with this disease for the rest of my life. From the moment I took my first Tylenol 3 after having my first child, I loved the way I felt. I should have known at that moment that I was an addict.  
2 Responses
1244499 tn?1397545523
It's not just you. =P That's why I've continued to relapse on Norco, tired of the depression and social anxiety I've had for 6 years.
Avatar universal
That's what I'm afraid of...Relapse
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