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Avatar universal

Alcohol causing Depression or vice versa

My husband was prescribed Effexor about 4years ago for moderate depression, and he was a heavy drinker before starting the meds. After a 2 year period his depression and the drinking had increased to the point that he was drinking 4 out of 7 days a week and experiencing severe delusions and parinoia. He stopped taking the medication three months ago because it didn't seem to be working and was destroying our sex life. Since then things have become scary. He talks about suicide, does not work, gets physical if I refuse money or alcohol, threatens my family and pets, blames me for his depression, won't allow friends or family to visit because they are all out to "get him", the delusions and parinoia have gotten worse. He was nothing like this in the first 5 years of our relationship and I want to help, but I can't even suggest the hospital without him freaking out.
Can anyone help?
10 Responses
212753 tn?1275076711
the drinking isnt helping. the alchohal is a depressant.I hate to say it but unless he wants help there is little you can do.
If it were me I would lay down the law and tell him either he gets help or I am outta here.you do not need to be in that kind of atmosphere especially if he is threatening you. you are in my prayers
Love Venora
212753 tn?1275076711
Avatar universal
I agree, you need to tell him that you are not going to put up with this behavior anymore and if alcohol means more to him than everything else in his life then he can live ALONE with his alcoholism.

See, the problem is he is an alcoholic and when you threaten them with taking away their addiction they can become mean, aggressive, agitated and even violent. If he is threatening physical harm on you, pets, or ANYTHING OR ANYONE then he is a danger to all those around him.

I know it is hard when you love someone and you want to stand by them and want to help them. But if they don't care enough about YOU to take a look at what they are doing and at least TRY to get some help or go see a doctor then what does that say about how they feel about standing by YOU? NOTHING, that's what. Unfortunately that is the sad reality of alcoholism and what it does to people.

And to take antidepressants WITH alcohol is a big giant NO-NO and not very good for your system and it will definitely mess with the effectiveness of the medication. So if he stopped the medication because "it wasn't working" and just so he could continue drinking heavily that is one more giant red flag waving in front of your face that you don't mean as much to him as the drinking does.

I am not sure if he is having delusions and paranoia or if it is a manipulative tactic he is using in order to continue getting what he wants. You have to really take a good look at what he is saying and doing and WHY at the time it happens. If he doesn't want anyone around that will HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE for his actions then that is manipulation, not paranoia.

I really hope things work out for you and I am not meaning to sound harsh or unfeeling in my post but I know what it is like to have an alcoholic in your life and what kind of destruction they can cause. So if he refuses to change or seek help then get the pets and leave and if you have kids in the house, there shouldn't even be any question about it....GO!

Avatar universal
I cannot agree more. Please listen to V.  I lived with someone you describe for 31 years.  I finally left but the poor man ended up commiting suicide. He was so sick. He went from alcohol to drugs and was Bipolar.  Your life is in jeopardy along with his.  
the effect he is having on you and your family is immeasureable.  Please save yourself from years of sadness and unhappiness.
calgary67
Avatar universal
Avatar universal
Thanks everyone.
  Yesterday we sat down and talked, really talked! We haven't been able to do that for a long time. He went to his first AA meeting today, I made it clear that there was a choice.
I really hope that he sticks to this. If not I'll have to leave. Thank you all for listening and caring. It means alot. I'll keep you posted.
Avatar universal
I am happy for you that you were able to communicate with him.  He is probably scared and will need lots of TLC and understanding but don't let him manipulate you and go back drinking etc. etc. Life is too short to live it like you were living.  I would advise that you go for counselling on your own so you can continue to be strong, either that or Alanon and get support from others.  It is a good program.  Good luck.
Calgary67
Avatar universal
I am also glad to hear you were able to talk to him and he listened. That shows that he does care about what he is doing to at least some degree and has been willing to take some steps to try to correct his behavior and drinking. But I also agree that he needs to stick with this. It isn't something that you do for a month or two, it is a life long commitment and I am really glad you can see this. I agree counseling or Alanon would be a great idea.
Avatar universal
My mother (age 46) has finally become an alcoholic. I used to think she just chose to drink, but now she has to have it in order to function.  She will shake if she does not have a drink w/ in two days of being sober. She never drank this much until I left to go to college.  It is been almost 4 years now and her drinking is getting worse. I try to talk to her about it and ask her why she feels the need to drink.  She just keeps saying "I am a loose, you have your own life and don't need me, I just want to die."   Not only is she an alcoholic, but she is also on Prozac for depression. Sometimes she admits she has a problem ("i will quit drinking myself," she says) other times she acts like nothing is wrong and that everyone drinks.  A little background on my mother: she married my father, who was an alcoholic and did not help him stop drinking. She just gave him a choice “Its either me and your daughter, or your beer.” Needless to say he chose his beer. (There is more to the divorce than that though, my father said that mom seemed bi-polar and would hit him.  Mom says dad would hit her, so I don’t know what happened because both were drunk when the hitting occurred). Now mother is remarried and her current husband will NOT help her stop drinking.  He wants to drink his beer too so he lets her drink.
The combination of alcohol and depressants are getting dangerous. She has taken a knife to her wrist and threatened to cut herself, tried to O.D. on Prozac. People think that her husband hits her because when she gets drunk she somehow hurts herself (does not remember what happened).  She gets knots and bruises on her head, along with gashes on her face.  She has also killed the chicken, hauled off some of our pets and keyed her husband’s truck.  
She just does not even seem like my mother anymore.  My mother used to be smart and calm.  My mother now seems almost bi-polar.  She is either extremely happy (very annoying and embarrassing) or extremely upset (constant crying, hurting herself).  
I don’t know what to do anymore.  My step-dad said he already “gave up” on her.  Should I try to call her doctor and tell him about her alcohol consumption? Is that even legal for me to tell him and will he even listen to me?  I can’t make her go to see a psychiatrist.  She is an adult and has already stated that she will NOT go and she will not take off of work to go.  We have tried to talk to her as a family and when we do she just gets drunk afterwards.  
Is there any advise? (BTW I have a 7  year old brother is cries and hides from my mother when she is drunk.  He is 7 and he knows when mommy is drunk and when he sees her drinking he pours out the liquor) He does not need to be raised like that! I am lost for words on how I feel.  I am not even going to get into the problem all this has caused for me.  I just need to help my mother before she ends up killing herself.  No one else seems to care, they just “gave up on her too”. I want my mother back. :(


Avatar universal
Hi there.  I am so sorry to hear your story about your mother.  You are obviously in deep despair over her, but more worryingly is the effect this is having on your little brother, who at seven, should not be in the care of such irresponsible adults.  I am not a professional, but my heart goes out to you and I think you should seek help from social services and the family doctor.  I don't know which country you're reporting from, but I am in U.K.  They say the longest journey begins with the shortest steps and I think you have to be brave and take that first step, yours will be a long journey, but something needs to be done to intervene so that your mother can get help, but more importantly so that your little brother is safe.   Take that first step and report this to someone in a position to help.  Your mother obviously needs help, don't give up on her yet...........the only things you regret in life are the things you didn't do.  No-one can be Soloman and always know the right call to make, you just have to act on your instinct.  Good Luck,  you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
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