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Am I justified in thinking I'm being raped or manipulated by my family member?

I had a psychological breakdown about 5 years ago due to my mothers' history of being a *********.  A few years later i decided to get help to no avail.  I had no family support what so ever.  I was diagnosed dellusional hysterical and bi polar.  I rented a room from my younger cousin,  who was also raised an orphan and is probably inbred,   he doesn't have any kids and is anti social.  I gained a tremendous amount of weight due to medications and I assumed that he detected how sick and prone I was to being led astray.  He raped me in secret and moved to New York City from Buffalo,  NY,  now he's a 27 year old kid that lives in Brooklyn.    I have not gotten my kids back from my mother and have no direction in my life and if I live alone I will surely want try to commit suicide.  I am very ashamed that this happened to me to the point that I would love more than anything to die or even have a man take my life.   I'm 30,  am I at a greater risk of being locked up in a mental institution or finding a nice person to be in a normal relationship with?
can some women be too attractive that it scares men into not getting involved unless they think they can have sex.  I don't have casual sex and I suffer as well from self hatred and hate and disgust for my skin color.  but in scret to most.
1 Responses
585414 tn?1288944902
Read my other post but as for this issue I'll add to apply for SSI/SSDI for financial support and also if you are ever unable to find housing, supported housing for a person with a psychiatric disability would be an option. There are many resources as well for survivors of domestic violence. As for benefits issues and applying for supported housing
your local independent living center could be of help. Here's a complete list. There's one in every county of every state:
  As for weight gain it can be an issue with some medications. It depends what you are on. Your psychiatrist could adjust or change it. For a good resource on anti-depressents and mood stabilizers, side effects and options google "Depression Central".
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