The chance of you getting HIV from this encounter is incredibly low. Like probably less than one in a million.. Anyway the test should reassure you. I would say don't worry but i know it is difficult to do. Do you have ocd? If you have a look on the ocd forum you will see that lots of other people have a fear of getting hiv and it's a common ruminating thought.
Even if you did have hiv, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Don't get me wrong it's still a very serious disease but they have better treatments for it these days. That's beside the point though because it is very very unlikely that you have it. The problem is with you thinking about if you did have it.
Are you on an antidepressant? Sometimes an antidepressant can increase anxiety when you first go on it but in the long run (after a few weeks I think) will decrease your anxiety. This happened with me. I should have worked my way up to the high dose rather than go straight to the old high dose I used to take. I may need to change the medication I'm on but that is a different story.
You'll need to talk about to your doctor about when it's safe to start increasing the dose or if should increase it or not.
Thank you nexus788. I have been prescribed Xanax. 0.25mg as needed (max 3 times a day)
I'm scared of taking too much Xanax as well so I have been taking just a 1/2 tablet 2 times a day (total 1 tablet per day)
What is complicating the situation is a.guilt/shame of cheating my wife and kid and b.the fear that I will cheat again in the future.
Me and many people in my family are worry-pods. I have a history of anxiety, nervousness and mild depression since I was a kid.
Once again thanks for the support and good luck to you too.
If you have more suggestions or words of support, that would be great as well.
I would suggest that you go back to your doctor and ask to be put on an ssri antidepressant like prozac or zoloft. Start of on a low dose though then ask your doctor when you can start increasing it. SSRIs can cause erectile dysfunction in some people but usually the benefits outweigh the risks.
So you made a mistake and you feel guilty - that's entirely normal. That one mistake doesn't define you and you can still carry on with your life and be a good father and husband.
Hiv is not transmitted via oral sex of any kind and under any circumstance.You can't infect your wife with a virus that you don,t have yourself,we all make mistakes,it's called being human,it's how you make up for it is what counts.All the best.