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Avatar universal

Back to being depressed...and looking for my "happy"

So, I tried Effexor, didn't like the sexual side effects. Stopped taking it.

Tried Wellbutrin, didn't like the insomnia, seemingly worse depression, vivid dreams/nightmares, so I stopped taking that.

Now I'm back to being depressed, crying easily, feeling down, back to not wanting to do anything.

Talked to the doctor about it the other day, and he says that I need to "find my happy". The thing of it is, I'm not sure what my "happy" is. Going out with friends doesn't do anything for me. Socially drinking/partying doesn't do anything for me. Hitting clubs doesn't do anything for me. Water-skiing, boating, jet-skiing doesn't do anything for me. Outdoor activities don't do anything for me (that and it's too dang hot here). Nothing really excites me.

In fact, now that I think back on it, nothing has ever really excited me. I've had people ask me while I was growing up why I never got excited over stuff. I just...didn't. I never really got mad either, come to think of it. People often wondered how I just shrugged stuff off. Sometimes I wonder if the part of my brain that controls emotions is broken or something.

But, I think I've always been the kind of person that drew their emotions from others. If people around me were happy, I was happy. If they were sad, I was sad. If I had to explain what it's like, I guess I'd have to say it's kind of like the story behind Ghostbusters II where the slime reacted to the negative and positive emotions of the people of New York. So, for lack of a better analogy, I am that slime.

Maybe everyone can start singing "Auld Lang Syne" for me like they did in the movie... ;)

Any suggestions on finding my happy?
9 Responses
Avatar universal
mos. def. find some happy people to hang out with -  try and "get moving" that usually helps (i know it's hot, so go swimming or something). Do things anyway even though you don't want to - cause no! you are not going to feel like doing them - not for a lo-o-o-ng time.
btw I'm really pissed off at your doctor "find your happy" - what a stupid useless idiotic and unhelpful piece of advice.
1406964 tn?1283207466
I found your 'happy'. It was down the back of my chair!

Seriously though, what a crap piece of advice.

That's some good advice from blunik. You'll find your own road to go down, iven if you need someone to give you a push now and again.

Are you on any antidepressants now then.  Venlafaxine (effexor) and Bupropion (Wellbutrin) are notorious for their side-effects. There's at least 39 others to choose from, many of which have a much better side effect profile.

It's not my role to suggest medication, but if you also suffer from anxiety and insomnia (which if I remember you're previous posts correctly, I think you do, then Trazodone can be very effective).   Antidepressants aren't a magic bullet as you know, but the right one for you can still be a great help.

Something to talk to your family doctor about. Is there another partner in the practice you you could switch to? Different docs have different specialist interests, and a different one may have more of an interest in mood disorders.

Take care
Avatar universal
Hi bilbo
I stopped Effexor a week ago and am now on Detran - but not for long enough to comment on it's effectiveness.  Your doc is a dill (as we say) - what a trite thing to say "look for your happy".  I hope you told him where to ....  anyhoo, we won't go there, will we.  :)
I too am slime - but, I'm so heartily sick of being effected by everyone else's moods that I'm being actively and smugly selfish and finding my own mood.  At the moment it's somewhat short tempered ohhhh!  But, that's sort of good because I'm normally a tissue thin thread of tolerance - I'm sickening.  However, it's important to be so in my job.  If the little temper bursts continue I might have to start blaming the change of meds.  But, I'll wait and see.
I agree with pattifan - try a different doctor.  Your health is far more important than their egos.
1398919 tn?1293845204
folks, there's a word for US people who get there self definition and self worth from the emotions of other people (and suffer from other people's pain)


And there is no medication for it - but there ARE 12 step programs for it, because it is NOT a "mental illness".

I think maybe you SHOULD look for a different doctor - one who you communicate with better.

But maybe he was TRYING to say - "Find something that makes you happy" For me it writing fiction. Life the way it SHOULD have been. (G)

Avatar universal
There is an entire other group of people who sometimes suffer from the sadness of others and thrive on the happiness of others and they aren't co-dependent at all.  Note, bbaggins didn't say a thing about finding his self-worth or self-definition from others, so it's kind of sad you should even TRY to group him in with them.  It sounds much more to me as though bbaggins is an extreme intuitive, aka an empath, albeit one who isn't aware of his ability.

Through experimentation I've been able to prove beyond any question there are those who literally internalize feelings of all kinds, happiness, sadness, anxiety, calm, contentedness, thought the individual in the experiment was not given any reason or means of knowing just what emotion the person with whom they were sharing a conversation was feeling.  Much as some people are hyper aware of tension in a room, these same people often take on the feelings of others without wanting to.

Of course, I don't know if bbaggins IS an extreme intuitive/empath, but it sounds far more like that's what they've been experiencing, not co-dependence.

What I would suggest bbaggins, is learning to differentiate your emotions from the emotions of others (which is very easy to do), and then applying that to your life, especially since the vast majority of people are unhappy and constantly being bombarded with the unhappiness of others can push an empath to the very precipice of suicidal feelings.

In order to differentiate, whenever you feel an emotion, first, identify the emotion. Second, think to yourself if you have any reason to be feeling this way (sometimes people either bury their emotions or launch themselves into a pit of denial, especially when something very good or very bad happens to them, feeling they either don't deserve to feel that good or thinking they don't care enough about something to feel so badly about it).  If the answer is no, take a long, deep breath, hold it, then slowly exhale.  Now, do so again, and identify where the emotion is coming from.  

If the emotion you're feeling seems to eminate from your heart, the emotion is indeed yours and then it's time to figure out WHY you're feeling the way you are.  IOW, stop denying it.  IF, OTOH, the emotion seems to eminate from somewhere in the vicinity of your solar plexus, or a bit below it, the emotion you're feeling is one you're picking up from the people around you, in which case you can either talk to the person about it, perhaps try to help someone who's feeling sad, hurt, or whatever, or talk to the person about their good mood. Or, if you'd rather just not deal with someone else's emotion (because, in truth, there's no good reason for you to have to go through your entire life dealing not just with your emotions, but also with those of the people around you), cross your arms, block off your solar plexus, and literally ignore the emotion--after all it's not coming from you.

For those interested in the double blind study which effectually proved the existence of the ability of certain human being's to sense the emotions of people close to them emotionally (regardless of physical distance) as well as the emotions of people in the same room (while blindfolded), reference the Journal of Integrative Psychological and Behavioral Science 2nd Qtr 2009.  

While testing 4 conditions: happiness, sadness/grief, tension, or no emotion, roughly 75% of the population scored no better than guess, but 15% of the population scored at 50% or better, while ~10.5% of the population scored in the 80%+ range with 5% of the subjects scoring with perfect accuracy in over 95% (+/-2% error) of the cases.

With all that being said, I would certainly encourage bbaggins to seek out a psychiatrist with whom you both feel comfortable, and have some trust.  This isn't always easy to do and sadly there are a great number of very bad P-Docs out there.
Avatar universal
Oh, I doubt I am co-dependent. In fact, I am quite the opposite, I am very INdependent. In fact, I am sometimes so independent that, for example, I don't ask people for help when I should. And I certainly don't get my self-definition or self-worth from others emotions.

This is something I have had since I was a child. I remember when my sister would get in trouble or get punished, I would feel her pain. I am the same with others around me. It's more like an energy force that I feed off of. Perhaps the chemicals that people release when they are sad or happy affect me. Who knows...there's very little we really know about ourselves and how we really work.

(I also have ESP, and have since I was a child)

On a side note, I have started on a regiment of two probiotics (for my IBS), two fish-oil pills, and a multi-vitamin on a daily basis, and they actually seem to be helping. I feel better, both emotionally and physically, and don't get the looming depression that sticks with me for long periods of time. Not sure if it's the new regiment or not, but I am going to stick with it for now and see what happens.

I'm beginning to believe that our stomach and intestines, and what we put in them, play more of a role in our health than we really know. Like I said, there's so little we know about ourselves.
Avatar universal
Oh, and one more thing to add...I have found what my happy would be, but obtaining it would be another story and is, unfortunately, something I doubt I will see. :(
1398919 tn?1293845204
Out pof curiosity:

Could you give us a HINT at what your "happy" would be? It might nogt be as impossible as you think.

Avatar universal
Having kids. The wife is unable to conceive due to medical reasons and adopting is out of the question because she is bipolar.
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