Bad days that just don't end

[annalizza66]

I can't seem to eat or sleep anymore, even though I take my medication as prescribed, I have gone to the doctor and they tell me"it will just take soem time to feel better." It's been months and I still cry everyday and feel like I want to die(sorry but that's how it feels.) The kicker is that i feel like a total fraud because I work as a police and 911 dispatcher at my local town, and news travels fast here; I dont want to lose my job.People think  that "depressed people just want attention" and that "people just need to learn to live with their problems instead of putting them on someone else." No one knows about how I really am inside. Living a double life is slowly killing me, literally.Where should I begin?

Thanks so much for any help

[umya]

loss of appetite and insomia are classic symptoms of depression.  sleep especially--waking up way too early, or not being able to sleep at all to sleeping 12 plus hours a day.  sorry to hear you're feeling so awful.  yes, chances are your colleagues wont understand your feelings and disregard them as "attention" seeking.  most people dont have a clue about the prevelance or seriousness of depressive illnesses.   dont feel like a fraud.  you're not a fraud.  the fact that you have to keep it together at work while feeling so awful certainly does not make you a fraud.  your possibly carrying around alot of emotional weight and that's awful.  i'm sorry. perhaps you should consider talking to an analysist on a regular basis in conjuction with your meds.  this may help get to the root causes of why you're feeling like you are.  if it's been months, it is possible that the meds arent working for you, as most ssri's kick in in a few weeks.  (i'm assuming you're on a newer medication).   sometimes people have to try several medications in order to find the right one.   i cannot emphasize the power of phsychoanalysis enough.   entering that process with the right therapist can mean mean a life free of depression often without the need for drugs.   this however will take some time and courage.  may this pass as quickly as possible for you.  best-umya

[Jessi63]

I'm sorry you feel sooo bad.  Have you ever considered couseling.  It really helped me.  I suffer from depression/anxiety and sometimes I think I am Bipolar.  I found that the couseling really helped me to put things into focus.  Does your work place have some sort of medical leave?  That could be an option.  To help you get through all this.