Boyfriend had depression--weening off pills--need advice please

[oceanview17]

Hi there,
My boyfriend used to have depression. He was diagnosed w depression after an ex-g/f dumped him early in university. The doctor diagnosed him and he has been on 3 different medications (at the same time, he takes 3 pills every night) for the past like 7 years. He hasn't seen a doctor regularly at all and never been to therapy. I met him 3 years ago and thought he was the happiest person I've ever met! He was and is sooo incredibly joyful, thankful and happy. I love him very much. He didnt tell me about his medications until we were together about a year.

I convinced him that b/c he was diagnosed w depression b/c an ex-g/f broke up with him...b/c he was depressed at that time, that he should ween himself off them- as its not necessary anymore. It took a LOT of conversations and arguments and visits to 2 different doctors to agree- and to convince him that he is okay to go off of them. However, he admitted to me that he is scared to do so.

I really want to be supportive for him (he is my fiance now) but whenever I ask how far along he is on weening off, he gets very angry with me and doesn't want to discuss it. He is currently only on ONE pill now (1/2 pill every night) and has been on only one pill for about 6 months now. It has been about a total of 2 years for him to ween himself down to this one pill.

I'm getting a little impatient and worried that he is addicted and dependent and scared to go off the pills. I want to be supportive... He has been just as happy and joyful this whole time as well... we live together now and he is still the happiest person I know.

I guess I'm confused b/c I feel like its taking too long and that he is always making excuses. I feel like he might be confusing the side effects of withdrawal with the initial symptoms (although much much less severe) and still over-medicating himself.

Also-- he hasnt been to a therapist once b.c he cannot afford it.

PLEASE any advice???? It;s much needed!
Thank you.

[buriedinfur]

It's an SSRI (selective seretonin reuptake inhibitor) which basically means it reduces how quick the body gets rid of the seretonin it has, rather than making more. Seretonin is pretty crutial to you in many ways other than preventing sad feelings - you can get a lot of symptoms including irritablity, restlessness, poor sleeping and forgetfulness on top of blue feelings, plus many other treats.

SSRI's need to be weaned of slowly, but you can't be addicted to it. Dependant, yes, but that's a different matter entirely. I had a really tough time coming off of the SSRI's that I took though I didn't take this one. It gave me a ton of side effects and increased my anxiety greatly. So they aren't the ones for me, but for many other people they're great. We all have different brain chemistry.

I dunno...I mean if it's working for him I'd just leave it as is hun. There certainly isn't any shame in it, and if it's helping him feel more balanced and in control, it's going to be a huge boon in your relationship. Depression isn't always about a triggering event such as a bad childhood or a breakup or whatever. Sometimes your brain just doesn't produce enough seretonin and there's nothing you can do about that.

Therapy is always good in my humble opinion for everyone, depressed or not, because it helps us relate to the world a lot better. But even now, with my great therapy and with me being in a good and stable place, my brain is being goofy and isn't pulling it's weight. That's not something I can think my way out of - it's just plain chemistry. That's where the meds come in. :)

[oceanview17]

Hi there- thank you for the comments. He is on Citalopram. Any advice or info on that drug?

[ufcfan]

Paxill, Lithum. Calonapin.Trazadone, Perphenazine, Wellbutrin. Those were the medications that I have been on all at one time and it was really tough on my body but, eventually I started to figure out what worked for me. I know it seem like he feels just fine and could quit taking that one last pill, whatever it may be but, sometimes it feels like that's the only thing keeping you from breaking down in tears. I lost a girl that meant the world to me because I didn't get help for my emotional problems. Maybe he feels like he might lose you. It does seem like you really care about him though, so just be there for him through issues with his medication and things will work out. Take it from someone who has way to many issues to ever be with another person again, be happy to have someone.

[buriedinfur]

Just fyi too - you don't get 'addicted' to the regular anti-depressant drugs. You may need to wean off of them rather than stopping cold turkey, yes, but that is because your body needs to adjust. That is NOT addiction.

While I like being as less medicated as possible, I also realize that meds are sometimes very necessary. I would suggest that you explore why it's bothering you so much if he's on a low dose. I don't mean this in a snappish way at all - just that perhaps the reasons its bothering you may be less troublesome than you're anticipating now (the fear of addiction for example).

Depression is a funny thing too - some people are 'lucky' enough to get it just once and get over it...a lot of us are stuck with it being a chronic thing that you have to juggle. I wish that there wasn't the stereotypes and the misinformation that there is out there on depression, but there you are. Mental illnesses of any sort are poorly understood by the general population.

I often compare depression to diabetes. Depression is often a lack of seratonin (and other things). Diabetes is a lack of insulin. So if you need meds to bring either up, it's not that big of a deal, right? Only the diabetic won't get judged like the depressive. Perhaps your fiance is feeling that side of things - feeling judged - and that's why he's reacting in such a strong way.

[therese83]

I cant imagine what it must be like for him having you put this kind of pressure on him.
Really if he is down to one pill, he is doing great.  You have no idea what it is like to suffer depression so bad that you have to take three medications to relieve it.

Taking 2 years to wean down to one pill was a good  approach.  Maybe he is lying to you to keep you happy, because you are putting so much pressure.  If you cant accept him as he is this really will not work out.......been there got the T-shirt.

He lives his life, you live yours, you don't own or control him, sorry for being so direct, you either want him or you don't.  Offer him help and support, sure, show concern, but you are not a Doctor and you can be as 'convinced' as you like, but you do not have to live with this illness.

[mammo]

Depression can be a horrible thing to endure.  People are always telling me how "happy" I am, but I'm truly not.  I suffer with losing a son a grandson, I'm miserable inside.  Just because your fiance' appears to be happy doesn't mean he is.  It may be the medication that keeps him functioning.  Therapy is important in that it addresses the root cause of your depression and teaches you how to cope and think more positively. He cannot afford to see one, so he may still have depression.  It sounds like he is doing very well, and I would be patient.  Some of his "old feelings" of depression may be coming back, but only he can know this.  Hopefully he is working closely with his doctor on weaning off the medication, and can ask if what he is feeling is withdrawal or depression.  I don't think he's making excuses, I think he's scared of becoming depressed again.  In your eyes he has every reason to NOT be depressed, but often we don't know why we are, and it may have just coincided with a traumatic event in his life.  Just make sure he is working with his doctor on this, he knows best.  Take care.

[M4Y0U]

Please let us know the pills he's taking so we can give you clear answers,

M4