It is difficult , as you know, to work when your bipolar is acting up. I take propranolol, a beta blocker, to treat a side effect of Abilify and found out it helps with anxiety without sedating. I looked it up in a PDR and that use was listed. As to your depression .. There are a large number of ADs out there. I take MAOI called Emsam. MAOIs require a special diet but can be effective drugs. Emsam is a patch so you get a steady dosing all the time.
Working...that's a big question and I have no answer for you. Everyone is different. I have a Ph.D and am on disability so having a degree doesn't assure you will be able to work. But I was able to work or perform in college until I hit my early 50's.
So when were you diagnosed, at what age? Like I said, I can seem to function on some days but only God (and my body) knows how much courage that requires and what it literally takes out of me. It feels nothing short of a miracle to be honest with you. Days seem to drag over centuries before I can look forward to the weekend. Then I feel like I HAVE to go into work on a Sat and volunteer for working overtime which majority people at my workplace do to save money for a house, car, their families, the normal stuff. Then the weekend finally comes around and I'm already worried about how soon it's going to be over and how I will have to go back to work which I totally have no interest in. Pretend to care, pretend to look ambitious and give a damn about my career, the upward mobility, etc. etc.
Starting tomorrow, my mom will start calling me all the way from Pakistan early in the mornings to ensure I actually get out of bed and drive to work and have a productive day. A thought just went through my head right now as I still have one hour before going to bed. What if I do drive to work tomorrow but instead of going in, I drive instead to a bar or some park and just not deal with the reality of being at work and facing what lies ahead. Yes I know, that's completely self-destructive and doesn't sound the least bit logical but despite doing everything right ALL my life, I was never given the choice to choose not to be bipolar or get it later in life like my dad to where not showing up to work daily doesn't matter because you're retired already or close to it. I'm at the junction where most people are making the "move", jumping to management or thinking about how they can retire early, save up more, and yet I find myself wondering every day when it's going to get so bad again that I'll have to go on another medical leave of absence.
I hate it whenever friends or family or my boy friend tell me that i'm so smart and have so much potential. It's not about that at all for me, it's all about survival and not going through the stress and driving myself insane. Maybe it might not be such a bad thing that one of these days I do get a nervous breakdown so they realize I'm not making it up and I can finally get a break! I've come to terms with the fact that I'm very replaceable in the eyes of my company and my graduate degree means nothing if I don't get the work done and help them turn profit. Dreaming about becoming an executive one day or feeling even the least bit ambitious is totally out the window because I'm more realistic about the effects of my illness on me and how well the meds I've tried have worked for me.
I wish I could go on disability like you or even have a low-stress job that doesn't require the skills I went to school for but being Asian, I don't think I'll ever have that kind of liberty.
Hi, you Story Sounds such a lot similar to Mine! I am also on my tuoreita in a demabding job with medicatios.. Difficulties to wale up,similar habit.i am also wondering how long i manage. Peopke say ian smart too but what Ford it brimg.u are at least lucky to have a boyfriend. Varret doing good but positiins chnge and i always have problem with friends.i am european. A kind of the should be Fredrik, but it is just not that Simple to start completely newbefore it is a must
Sorry too manu typos due to my iPod automatic feed... I will write better once on me laptop