1299272 tn?1312476830

Can't comprehend what it is that I'm going through.

Depression. I just hate it. And I deal with it nearly almost every other day. Well, usually. I just wish I could be in a place where I am just fully content and utterly away from the negativity involved in this world. As cheesy as that sounds, I just wish that could actually happen. I know there are ways to diminish stress by going to places that tend to relax and calm myself and ways I can help myself. But I don't have the time to do that. If only there was a pill that allowed me to get over these glum feelings. My depression usually lasts more than a week. I'm not sure if this is something teenagers will face throughout their times of puberty or if it's something more than that. I understand that I will experience mood swings and phases like every other female does when on their time of the month. But for me, I feel as if it is something more. I ponder on things far too much. I am very obsessive, to be quite honest. Minor things will get to me. Sometimes I get upset for no reason at all. I also think of something, then it'll lead to something else, then another and another and so on. And when something bugs me, I think about it all day or all week or sometimes even all month. I wish I wasn't this way. I want to be happy like everyone else, especially when it is a time when I'm supposed to be happy like on a special occasion or a blissful event that everyone is enjoying. I want to see the sun again. I'm sure I will... I just wish there was some sort of instant relief medication. Even if there was something prescribed for things pertaining to what I deal with, I wouldn't be able to have it. I don't want to feel or be pathetic. Not everything contained in this world is sadness. There's more to life than that, of course. But I can't see it. I can't see happiness. I sound strange for saying that. I'll only be able to feel that happiness once a month or sometimes once a week and than the rest is just "bad news" or something that brings me down. There's always SOMETHING that winds me down. I feel like those people on that Cymbalta commercial or the Pristiq commercial. Not joking. Those advertisements equivocally remind me of myself. I sound pathetic. All I want is to be happy and have no care for these saddening emotions. I want to be alive. I believe I've explained enough. I just don't know what to do. I need a doctor. Someone to talk to. And honestly, someone to hold... That sounds way too weird... but it's how I feel.

4 Responses
784558 tn?1276007829
See your Doc. Tell him how you've told it here. Never hesitate to ask for aid it you feel the need for it. There's nothing pathetic about feeling as you do. Perhaps you are trying too hard to be happy? Just think  of all the wonderful things you've already done, also what a lot of good things await you.Get rid of the negatives & you'll be fine. Good luck.
Avatar universal
Mental and emotional disorders are very common and while you may feel alone, you are certainly not. I am 27 and have struggled with severe anxiety since childhood. I have never taken medication for my mental health difficulties and have found Cognitive Behavior Therapy very helpful. Do some research or pick up a book on it.
Are you in school? Most schools have counselors on hand to help students deal with mental problems. There is a huge stigma in our society concerning mental illness, but suffering alone is not the answer. You need to talk to a professional counselor. They may recommend medication and in severe cases it can be a life saver.
I have decided to not take medications, because while some mental illness can be due to hormonal or chemical imabalances, a lot of the time it is caused by personal and social problems. A pill can help you feel physically better, but it won't solve your problems.
The world is a very stressful and at times, terrifying place, but you need to get this under control before it takes over your life.
Don't feel ashamed to get professional help and don't let yourself think that it is not a serious condition. I hope that makes you feel a little better, take care.
1047924 tn?1301882707
I feel the same exact way & have since Jan "09". I wish it all to go away as well. I was diagnosed with panic/anxiety attacks shortly after my mother had a stroke. I'm currently in therapy 1day a week, it helps for a lil while. But to be quite honest, i am so ready to ask for meds. My life is just passing me by so fast & I've lost my job, friends and family due to this what i call "A god awful disease!", I'm tired of being unhappy =(

I hope that you seek some sort of therapy before it gets out of control. Trust me the mind is a very powerful thing. I wish you all the best. Take care =)
Avatar universal
Hi Briaa!
No...It does not sound cheesy at all!!! Gosh, if anything, it sounds like a pretty sweet place to be!!! I am so sorry for what you are going through.
I also admire the way you are able to convey your thoughts and feelings through your words! Very, very cool!!!! Very well done, and not at all weird!
What really helped me was looking for someone I could totally and completely 100% confide in. The hard part was... yeah, you guessed it, finding that person.
I visited my family doctor recently to ask him for something (a stronger prescription), to help me cope with my depression. He referred me to... are you ready for this... a "PSYCHIATRIST!!!" Wow!!! I was shocked, disgusted, hurt and angry!!! I told him that I was not crazy!!! (Those who know me may say that is debatable!!! Ha!!). He told me that a psychiatrist would be better able to prescribe the proper meds.I really was not expecting to hear that!
Well, before I could see the psychiatrist, I was to be initially evaluated by a psychologist!
Briaa, being a skeptic and  one who does not give my trust or open up to just anyone...let (my psychologist), know just that!!! Yep...I was totally on guard!!! I was ready for battle!!!
But you know Briaa, as we began to talk, and as she asked me questions about myself, I could sense and feel, that this person, even though I had never met her before in my life... actually cared!!! And Briaa, it was such a relief!!! I felt like a great load was lifted off of my shoulders as I began to oped up to her! I shared things that had been hidden away for a long, long time! It was truly a wonderful experience!!!
I have shared that with you Briaa, to let you know that there are specially trained people out there also, that really do care!!!  They are out there!!!! Don't be afraid to look!!!
It will take courage and an open mind Briaa, but you can do it!!!
I know that there is someone out there just for you to help you to cope and confront with all you are dealing with!!!
I am looking forward to hearing good things from your future postings!!!!
I hope what I said wasn't to weird or cheesy either!!! Ha!!!!
Sincerely...Your Friend!!!
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