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Avatar universal

Depressed - Quitting School

I am a 17 year old female (turning 18 on September). Lately, my depression got worse than ever. I can't seem to function. I almost stay in my bed 24/7. I'm always absent at school. I didn't take exams on some of my subjects. I failed almost all my subjects with no exams and quizzes or without quizzes for not attending school. I am in my third year of preparatory medicine (my country doesn't follow K12 before. So I graduated high school at grade 10, 15 years old). I want to quit school for a year. I need break. My parents dont know I'm suffering from depression for a couple of years now. I dont go to any professionals except our college counselor.

My depression began when I was on my 1st year college. It was my first time to be away from my family. I felt so alone, I was lonely and miserable. I cant sleep at night, my mind's always racing, and I dont have any appetite for food. I dont know what to do, so I tried to commit suicide by jumping off our college building. My parents learnt that but didnt believe me when I told them that it was because I was homesick. They thought I had a boyfriend and broke up with him. And my depression got worse then... Even my parents dont believe me. At that time, I didnt know I was suffering from depression. The closest thing I thought is that I was homesick.

Since suicide is out of the question... I began hurting myself to lessen the pain whenver it becomes unbearable or whenever I feel so empty, I feel inhuman. It's like I'm a living dead. I cut. I was always absent on my 2nd year college but I still managed to pass. I relied on my brain to pass my subjects.

But now on my third year, even my brain cant save my subjects. I missed too much activities from school. I still have three terms to pass my subjects. But even the smallest motivation I had, left me. I cant function anymore. This depression is making me crazy. I would just fail the rest of my terms. I cant save my subjects... In fact, it would just put more stress and pressure on me. And it's bad for my depression. They trigger my depression aside from anxiety.

I always avoid and run away from my depression. Thinking that if i just hold on for a time and cut... I'll manage. But it's always temporary. I want it gone, permanently. So, I'm thinking of dropping out of college for a year. I want to find myself... Fix myself. I want to be happy again. I haven't been happy for years now. I want that emotion again. I want rest from so much stress and pressure from school. This break, I can now go to professionals for help. I will finally tell ny parents that I have severe depression and i need a break from school.

Do you think my decision's wise? Or do you think by this reason, I can convince my parents I need a break? I'm honestly scared of telling them because they might not understand my situation and think that i'm just acting out. They expect too much from me it became a burden. They think that I'm smart and I can handle things... But I'm just a person, capable of getting hurt and breaking down. Also, I'm afraid that they would just scold and give me a sermon if I tell them the truth instead  of supporting me, just like the first time i told them the reason why i attempted suicide. I'm scared that they would just reject me or be disappointed in me. It would just hurt me more. I might kill myself if that happened.
6 Responses
Avatar universal
Why aren't you in treatment?  Whatever else you do that's the first thing you should do.
Avatar universal
I'll get treatment now.. It's just kinda frustrating coz my parents cant understand how much depression impacted me. They thought depression is a minor thing.. I tried to explain but no one will understand how it feela like unless they've been through this.
1551327 tn?1514045867
Yeah your mental health is the most important thing right now.  I am sorry that you don't get the support from your parents but that is often how it goes.  No one can see depression.  It is not like a zit that comes up.  You can stop the cutting in time.  I used to cut but I haven't in about a year though I have done some self harm in other ways lately and displayed some self-destructive behavior.  With medicine I came out of my depression about a week ago and I feel great now.  Hang in there bud.... pain is only temporary and the only thing that's guaranteed in this life is things change and feelings are only temporary.
480448 tn?1426948538
Definitely get yourself some help hon, and stay in school!  You can work with your school counselor as well, to explain what's been going on, to explain why your grades have suffered.  Take all the help you can get!

Update us when you can!  Hang in there!
480448 tn?1426948538
I wanted to add....sometimes breaks from school ARE important, so one can focus on other things, but I would recommend talking to your advisors at school to see what your options are.  You may be able to formulate a plan that would be much better than just dropping out.
2217782 tn?1394363972
I left school twice, and during that time I was experiencing similar things with the depression. I let it get out of control. When I left school for the last time I felt like such a disappointment. I took a year to myself. During that time i threw all my efforts into getting better. I was attending three different mental health services. I feel I needed that year to be selfish and work on things. I feel without such extensive help I wouldnt be anywhere near as well recovered as I am. I learnt who I was, what I like and what drives me forward in life.
After that year I got a job and attended college and I'm doing a million times better.

Only you know how severe this depression is and how you feel. I think you seem very intelligent and capable but I understand how challenging it is. You're mental health is so very important, and I would urge you to act now. Tell your parents about it and your thoughts about your schooling.

Do you think you can juggle the two? School and working on your mental health. If not, there is no shame in that. Personally I am so thankful I took the time out. If you do think you can juggle the two, go for it. But please make sure whatever you decide you surround yourself with support - from school, your parents and whatever other means!
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