Depressed & Confused

[nightfairy]

A little more than a year ago, my daughter and her boyfriend left my home in a hurry, reason unknown. I noticed after this, wierd vibes every time they visted. I figured whatever it was, it would blow over. I was wrong.I made several containers of soups and casserole type foods for her freezer, so she would have easy meals after the baby was born. I bought an incredible amount of baby clothes, toys, an exerciser, a jolly jumper, and even the $500.00 crib she said was the one she wanted. Still all I got was attitude like they didn't want anything to do with us.

Four months ago my daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I don't get to see her much, because my daughter has decided she hates me for whatever reason? I tried to talk to her about it, but she told me to drop it. I really don't know what to do. She complains about everything I say and do, but has no problem with anything the boyfriend's mother does. This woman actually had to be chased down the hospital hallway by her midwife when she was in labor, even though they made it clear they didn't want anyone there. My daughter excuses her behavour. She said "She was excited"However, she was angry with me for "leaving a threatening message on her boyfriend's phone during her labor" . The message I left was " Do I have to join Facebook to get any information"?
She says she doesn't feel like she belongs in our family anymore. I told her I wanted to fix the relationship,but I cant do it alone, I asked her what I could do, and said "I'll do anything" at which point she yelled 'Drop it, just drop it! she refused to discuss it any further.
This took place when my granddaughter was 2 months old. Three weeks went by, when she asked my hubby what I wanted for my birthday,and he said time with my grandbaby. They came to town, and went straight to his sisters place. My huband happened to be driving by in his work truck at 3:30 pm, when he seen them, but they did not see him. We didn't hear from them until 7pm, when they phoned acting like the had just arrived in town, and they came to my place, then left at 8pm. That was a month ago. I haven't seen or heard from them since.

I don't understand why I'm being treated this way, and I have no clue what to do. I am so devastated! This should be a happy time of my life with my first grandbaby, instead I'm wondering when or if I'll ever see my granddaughter, and why has my daughter (Whom I love) has decided to throw away her family!

[nightfairy]

Thanks for you input. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I just found out for the first time in my life, my blood pressure is high. I'm just trying to stay calm right now.

I'm really happy your children get to have a relationship with their grandparents, that's the way it should be.

[linzib]

i think that u should try talkin to your daughter once more and if nothing changes then so see about granparents rights...i have 2 younge children and they see their grandparents all the time, they come in handey as babysitters (haha) but i deffo think u and your husband should be seeing your grandchild

[nightfairy]

I get the impression, your just reading part of my posts. I don't think you do get it, my daughter and I were close. A year ago, last Christmas things changed (for her, not for me). This all happened before my granddaughter was even made. I have no idea what happened!

She reconnected with an old school friend ( Who hates her mother & brother) My son whom was always in some sort of trouble all his life, had just got his life together and was helping my hubby dig up our front yard to deal with a sewage back up problem. My daughter, was watching out the glass doors, and she said, "I love my dad". The next day, she and boyfriend left abruptly, with no explanation. I figured it would blow over, or she would talk to us when she was ready. That never happened

.I recently asked her why we've been getting the cold shoulder all this time, and she said that her dad & brother were talking and ignoring her. My husband was thanking my son for all the hard work he had done. This whole situation is petty and unneccesary.

After this everthing I have done seems to pi$$ her off more. When I tried to discuss it, and asked her what I could do, she told me to drop it, and just kept yelling "just drop it".

Is this sibling rivelry?
Does she want to be like her friend (who hates her mother & brother)?
How much is the boyfriend cotributing to this bazaar situation? (His family is getting plenty of time with the baby.

The last one hour visit they gave me for my birthday Feb 8th, that baby was tired & hungry, which I couldn't do anything about as she is breast fed. My daughter said she had just fed her, but it sure didn't appear so. The boyfriend whispered to his daughter "we will get you some food soon" when he was putting her in the car seat, just before leaving. What am I supposed to think or do? I am trying not to bring the legal system into it, but I may have to if it means protecting my grandbaby! I feel like I'm walking a tightrope and I'm not sure how long I can do this .

I want time with my grandbaby, but I also want my daughter back, I am between a rock and a hard place, with no clue what to do next!

Brenda, (nightfairy)

[MMahon]

I have to stand by what I said earlier.
Don't get me wrong...I'm a grandparent and understand FULLY how you all feel.
BUT it's only been a few months and there are obviously strained relations between you and your daughter although you DO see your daughter and have seen your grandchild.
Pursue legal action for 'visitation rights' and you may very well seal your fate and ruin ANY future relationship you may ever have with your daughter and grandchild.
Your chances of winning are not definite...practically nil since you now do get to see your grandchild even  if not to the length you like.  
Step back and give things time...don't let impatience bring you to the point of no return and lifelong regrets.  
I'm on your side here and don't wish to see you doing yourself more harm then good.
I know you'll make your own decision as well you should.   I know it's not an easy one.
Find a counselor or lawyer you trust and seek their advice.
Good luck and take care.
Check out just what rights grandparents have by law...

http://www.familylaw.lss.bc.ca/resources/fact_sheets/grandparents_rights.asp

http://www.grandparents.com/gp/content/expert-advice/legal/article/dograndparentshavetherightstheyshould.html

[nightfairy]

Thank you so much for your kind words, and prayers. It means a lot that you get what I'm going through.

I have cried too many tears over all this, and I don't think I could make it without the love and support of my dear husband, my friends, and even my dogs. I had a locket made with a picture of my granddaughter in it that I wear around my neck just to feel close to her.

I am still holding on to the hope that my daughter will come around, which is why I have put off calling a lawyer. I am just afraid to do anything that might push her even further away. I dream of a day that I pick the two of them up and we go shopping, do lunch, just three generations of women connecting & having fun together.

Thanks again for your support, and enjoy those precious grandchildren of yours. I guess I don't have to tell you how lucky you are to have them.

nightfairy AKA Brenda

[nightfairy]

Wow! Everyone else is urging me to push for my rights.

I haven't seen or even talked to her since Feb 8th when they came to town and spent the day with her boyfriend's family, arrived at my place at 7pm, with a tired, hungry baby, left at 8pm, to go to his sister's.

Prior to that I hadn't seen nor spoken with them in 3 weeks.

Thanks for your thoughts, but  they are getting plenty of space, believe me.

[MMahon]

This is a situation best discussed with a professional psychologist, or counselor.
I am no expert in this area but my feeling is that you should give your daughter the space she demands and step back for the time being until things have time to settle.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how you feel for sure.  I understand what it's like not being able to see one's grandchildren.  It's not easy letting your kids live their own life especially when it's not what you would the way you'd like.  But it is their own life and they need to stand on their own feet so to speak.  
I would like to think that after some time your daughter will come to realize your importance in her life and the life of her children.  Overdoing it now may only push her away further from you.
Let her come to you in her own time.  She knows how you feel so the 'ball's in her court'.
Being there for her when she needs you is the best thing you can do for her from now on.
Take care!