Hello everyone,
I'm not sure where to start...I thought I was depressed 3-5 years ago and my GP put me on Lexapro, then added Abilify. I couldn't take the side effects (sexual) and couldn't really tell a difference, so he put me on Wellbutrin and Abilify. Same story, so back to just Lexapro to keep my anxiety at bay. My Neuro took me off of Lexapro and put me on 0.5mg Klonopin as needed for anxiety. I did well for a few years, then fell into a very deep depression a few months ago. I haven't been able to pull myself out of it - I'm having problems concentrating, feeling like I want to cry all the time, can't sleep past 4AM, and feeling very hopeless. This is causing my anxiety to go through the roof, and it seems as if the Klonopin just makes me more depressed.
My life is stressful - but no more than anyone else's - my job is very high stress, but very high reward - I really like my job. I'm going back to school to finish my degree, and that's stressful but not killing me. I'm not rich, but I'm not broke - all the bills are being paid. My biggest problem is my personal relationships. I'm married with a stepdaughter, and after 11 years I've fallen out of love with my wife. To add to what a horrible person that makes me, I'm having an affair with my best friend, who is also married. I've talked to my attorney about a divorce, but it's easier to stay for financial reasons, and the fact that I'd lose my daughter. I'm trying to find a therapist that I can talk to to see if I can work out this disaster that my life has become. I've found myself driving down the interstate and trying to pick out which bridge would be the best to hit and I'm well aware of how many firearms I have in the house, including the handgun that sits underneath my desk. I'm terrified of pain, of being alone, but I can't help but think that many lives would be improved if i wasn't in them.
I talked to my doctor today and he was very concerned (I didn't tell him anything that might get me an unwanted vacation...) He put me on Viibryd to see if that would pull me out of my funk. I've found very little information out there on this particular med - can anyone tell me anything about it? Give me a little hope that this might help?