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Depression Community
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Avatar universal

Depression/Anxiety (I'm in bad shape)

My Goodness, I'm not alone.  I have been suffering from depression, anxiety and panic since 2002. I couldn't go outside, I got to the door and could not step my foot out there.  I had problems with being around crowds.  Didn't want to go out with friends if they had other friends with them that I didn't know, or barely knew.  I cried every single day.  Had trouble even getting out of bed, and yet I couldn't sleep.  I've been on Klonopin,  I can't go anywhere that there is a crowd.  I will not go out with friends if they have other friends with them in which I barely know or don't know at all.  I thought it was under control, but it seems to have resurfaced. I was hospitalized, but I was allowed to go home after a couple days because I wasn't suicidal, nor did I have any thoughts of doing anything to harm anyone else.  I just generally felt like ****.  I didn't even want to talk to anyone.  I've been on celexa, xanax, welbutrin, klonopin, and who knows what else. I had to come off most of those due to side effects. They say no addictions to any of them, but I swear I felt like a drug adict coming off the last one that I took. I refused to take them again.  I felt like I was in withdrawl coming down off that last one, couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I haven't been on meds for a while and have been debating going back to see a doctor and getting back on them because things are so bad right now for me.

I just don't know what in the world is going on with me.  I just can't seem to get my life together.  Everything seems like it's 10x's worst in my head and in my heart than it truly is in reality.  I feel like I'm losing my mind.  Having another nervous breakdown.  I can barely pull myself out of bed to send our resume's each day.  I don't wanna be on meds.  I don't have any medical insurance anyway.  I just don't know what to do.  

My mother's doctor gave her klonopin that u put on your tongue to disolve.  I'm not sure if I should use it or not.  Never used those.  Are they safe?  What are the side effects.  Anyone have any experience using this?  
3 Responses
Avatar universal
It is time for you to seek out counseling witha therapist as well as medication manager.I am bi polar and I take celexa/zyprexa combo.It has worked so well for for 6 years along with a therapist..
I would reccomend you using the antidepressanet to help get you past this time.also give them time for them to work.
while you are housebound try doing some light exercise to get your seritonin levels up.Just turn on some music and dance to it for a few minutes.
I will keep you prayers and keep posting to let me know how you are.
Love Venora
Avatar universal
Ok, been there done that - the hospital and everything.  No, antidepressants are not addictive, but if you go off of them you will feel side effects of your body getting used to smaller/no dosage (I got dizzy pretty bad) but it doesn't make you want to go buy them off the street.  I mean, you've never heard of a drug dealer marketing zoloft on the street corner right?  I will tell you what helped me and of course it is up to you, but I am telling you I was there and could barely walk I was so depressed and anxious.  By the way Klonopin would be more addictive than the antidepressants if that's what you're worried about, also Klonopin is a benzodiazepine right?  That is basically to calm you down, and downer.  If you are depressed then I would think taking only Klonopin would keep you down more - just my thoughts I'm not a doctor.  Anyway, here's what helped me:  Remeron - antidepressant and then changed to Zoloft - antidepressant and anti anxiety and then when I started to feel like it, which took a few weeks, I pushed myself, with the help of others to do things outside in the sun and to exercise in some way.  Especially doing menial chores like cleaning house/washing clothes etc.  I hated it, but it slowly became something I enjoyed.  Especially a routine!  I hated the routine too at first, but then I started to find comfort in it.  I still hate hate hate exercise but I go to the gym 3 days a week and try to break a sweat.  There are no substitutes for breaking a sweat, it just releases the good chemicals and keeps you busy (I hate it still:)  But I feel much better afterward.  Okay, and last but not least - my dear shrink - he has become my best friend and I get therapy once a week.  I am not saying I haven't had my moments, but I have not made it to the point of hospitalization since 2003 (and I had to go 3 times in a year's span).  I just changed from Zoloft to Cymbalta because I have some foot pain that Cymbalta is supposed to help, not sure about it yet.  Keep in mind that my mom has been a prescription drug addict/alchololic all my life and I hate to take pills for fear of addiction, but I have not been addicted to anything after four years of various drugs.  Just the dizzy spell when going off Zoloft.  Well, hope some of that helps, I had some help from my family too, becasue they had to push me out the door and MAKE me do things, especially social things.  I remember going bowling and I could have crawled inside myself.  But you know, I met my best friend that day and she made me go out shopping, etc., until one day, the anxiety of going out was 99% gone.  PS, anxiety of big crowds is agoraphobia.  That was my diagnosis.  I also take valium in little pieces (one quarter at a time until it works) if I feel anxious, and then I feel that much better and don't feel like a pill head:)
Avatar universal
This is my first visit to this forum....I am a 32 year old, healthy, active female-type person.  I started (about a year ago) getting dizzy, disoriented spells, with fogginess and short term memory loss.  I had to pull over in traffic twice because I felt so disoriented and out of it that I couldn't drive, the past few months.  I can feel the spells coming on, by this vague, foggy, out-of-it sensation, that lately has progressed to outright borderline dementia and almost loss of consciousness....I feel like I may black out, but never fully do it.  I went to the ER, a few weeks ago, because I got so out of it that I was unable to remember how to even call my husband to come and get me from work, where it was occurring.  I saw a nuerologist, that week, and after many tests (EEG, MRI with and without contrast, B-12 and other blood tests, EKG, etc,)
he found nothing "wrong".  he started me on nortriptylin 25mg once a day, as I may be having "silent migraines", and it may be helping a little. After reading about the signs/symptoms of depression and anxiety, I think that I may have these, as they are the only conditions that fit all of my symptoms.  I am not proud, and don't care what the hell it is, at this point.  I just need it to get better.  Should I see a psychiatrist or someone? where do I start?  What meds do you recomend I start trying, maybe? How will they (doctors) determine if I have these spells because of depression/ anxiety?
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