Depression and violent impulses

[Kaysmiles21]

I have been having a really hard time coping with daily life the last few months and went to talk to a doctor. I was prescribed Remeron to help withy depression and my sleep issues. I've been taking the pills almost 2 weeks now and things are not as bad. I can tell it is taking an effect. My only concern are the violent impulses I still have. There have been many time when I will cause harm to myself and often i have a strong urge to punch people in the face. My biggest problem is I am often wanting to be violent towards my 8.5 month old daughter. I admit I have been tough with her before.
So my question is, are violent inpulses a part of depression of is it something more? How can I bring this up to my doctor without him telling me to go to a hospital?

[jemma116]

Your baby is 8.5 months old.  You are feeling very low, have done self harm and have anger problems with wanting to hurt others at times.

My view is that you are suffering from a hormonal problem and from the baby blues and not a straight forward depressive and anger issue.

I do hope that you will see a doctor who understands about "baby blues" and feelings of anger and do a blood test to check your hormone levels.

I experienced a similar thing and at the time my period was due.  Had blood tests that confirmed a hormone imbalance and was treated for that which helped a lot.

The antidepressants will take more than a couple of weeks to help, so be patient with them.  But it still may be a good idea to get a blood test done to check your hormone levels.  Going to a mother and toddler group may also help in that you will have interaction with other people and talk to other mothers.

Best wishes.

[sara12345]

Great reply.

[hopefulforfuture]

Dear friend ,
As a chronic depressive myself i can vibe with the depressed feelings  .  Since depression is only a part of a spectrum of illnesses -- it could be bipolar , pure depression , rarely borderline or rarely sideeffect of antidepressant  ..

Since depression is getting better good . But if its bipolar depression a mood stabiliser has to be added . Speak to your doctor about these concerns .

If these violent impulses come only after starting the antidepressant it may be a cause then that too has to be discussed urgently with dr .  

I dont know how long you are in this support group but the more and more i read other peoples stories i am becoming more hopeful . Only thing is our betterment comes with  a combination of medication , support online and of course time  .. My best wishes and dont lose hope :)  I am not a dad but has battled for 20 years (im 39 now ) and glad that i did  ..

[sara12345]

The doctor needs to address your self harming and urges to harm your daughter, through medication or therapy.  There is absolutely no need or reason for you to go to a hospital unless you are suicidal which you are not, according to you.  I just hope that you don't harm your child in a moment of weakness or more severe feelings.  You say that you have already "been tough with her before" which worries me as well.  You will regret your harming of your daughter for the rest of your life.  

This violent urge is not your fault. I firmly believe that you do not want to harm your daughter or you would not have written on here about it.  But I also believe that you are not in control of your behavior.  If you don't do something about it, that will be your fault.

Perhaps you should even consider having someone else take care of your daughter for awhile until you can get help.  Do you have a mother, aunt or mother of the father of this child who might be able to step forward on this?  You don't have to go into details about the reason.  Just say that you are sick or whatever.  

I do wish both you and your child the best.  

[Kaysmiles21]

I've raised concerns about the fact that I self harm and often have thoughts of harming my daughter. I have not harmed her though. And he recommended I go to the nearest hospital to the crisis centre as he believed I was suicidal. I am not suicidial. And the nearest hospital to me is a half hour drive away, and I do not drive. And as I am a single mother, I need to be able to be present to look after my kid.
I want to bring up the violent impulses but do not want to go to a hospital.

[sara12345]

Yes, your violence is something more which can definitely be treated.  First you will need a good diagnosis.  You could have some metal contamination in your system.  Medication could help you.  Or anger management therapy could be a good treatment.  But you need to talk to a doctor about this as soon as possible before you do something that you will regret for the rest of your life, which could also put you in prison.  Be sure to be honest with the doctor.  I have never heard of anyone being sent to a hospital with your symptoms.