Yes, you are depressed. The thoughts you have expressed are those born of depression and as such they are distortions. I could try and tell you why happiness is not useless, how happiness will help you, but I think you may not be ready to hear or accept it. However if all you are doing is taking Abilify, then you need to seek out better doctors. You need to be on an antidepressent (Abilify is an antipsychotic which is often given in conjunction with an antidepressent to "boost" its effectiveness). You should also be talking to a therapist. Medicine + talk therapy has been suggested as the best treatment of depression. You can get to a place where you can and want to allow happiness to be part of your life. You deserve that.
As for the insomnia, that could likely be a side effect of the depression, but if it isn't then a doctor might be able to help you sort it out.
You really haven't told us enough to determine either way. Your doctors tell you something you apparently don't believe. Many of us here have been 'down that road' too! When the first psychiatrist I went to told me I had depression I said 'NO ####, if you felt as bad as I do, for as long as I have, you'd be depressed too!" I too had insomnia, waking up nightly with panic anxiety attacks and walking around like a zombie all day. It took me time, and medication, before I came to realize that he was right. Depression isn't just the 'sadness' and down mood most people experience as a result of certain events. It can happen for no reason at all. I DID NOT like not sleeping and not being happy. It was a living hell.
Not wanting to sleep (or is it not needing sleep? that's different) and not wanting to be happy leads me to think that something has happened in your life that you may be punishing yourself for....thinking you don't deserve to be happy.
In any case, humans need sleep and need to be happy to exist. Rejecting both these needs can be taken as a desire to now longer wanting to live. They both are classic symptoms of depression.
You have been getting treatment so I think you know deep down your doctors are right.
Continue to seek treatment and follow the doctors advice. Depression is a medical condition and needs treatment. Soon things will get better and you will find happiness again.
Hang in there.
Depression and insomnia can be treated using antidepressants that are taken at night that are sedative on their own. Such antidepressant are the tricyclics and tetracyclics (especially mirtazapine).
The medications treatment should always be used in conjunction with therapy to get the maximum benefits and cure the problem to the roots.
Depression can NOT be cured by medication.
''The medications treatment should always be used in conjunction with therapy to get the maximum benefits and cure the problem to the roots.''
Some medication are better than others depending on who you are as no one is the same regarding medication at help you cope with depression... I don't know if you have tried many antidepressants to help you cope but yeah therapy is the place to start...
Please listen, when you are depressed you cannot trust your own thought, you cannot even remember what it is like to be happy.
I would suggest giving treatment a try.