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Avatar universal

Depression or Personality Disorder?

I just started a new job and in basically they told me tonight, "get a personality or we're gonna fire you."

I'm 24 years old and was diagnosed with clinical depression in high school, when I was 17 -- and took anti-depressants for a number of years.


I haven't been on meds for like 2 or 3 years.  

I've been told by a general consensus of people that I don't have a personality, that I am cold and too serious and show no expression, and look mopey.

The way I feel is whether or I won the lottery today or my dog died, I have no reaction.  I simply am not there.  I am dissassociated, at least on the outside.  

I don't know what to do to change myself.  Everyone tells me to be myself.  To me, that means to go home and meorize some jokes and mimic some character I saw in a sitcom.  There is no me.


Is this depression, or is this my personality?....I need help and I don't know how to change.  
5 Responses
Avatar universal
it is time to seek out therapy  to find out why you dont feel things.
Do you have any hobbies or interests?I am sure you have a personality but for some reason you are burying it deep inside.
If you want to talk here, I will listen.
Love Venora
Avatar universal
i agree with verona... many times clinical depression is diognosed with signs like this.. a true clinical depression happens all the time, even when something good happens in life, the person will still be unhappy, expressionless.. a person with no depression symptoms will be elated and overwhelmed by something like this.. i would probably suggest a psychiatrist who can discuss the issues at hand and also prescribe something to help.. as verona always says, we are here if you need us =-)
Avatar universal
I have a close friend who has felt the way you describe for all of her life (she is now 41). She has always felt as if she is unable to participate in life, always completely removed from what is happening to herself, always on the outside looking in. for years she tried to deal with this by just putting on an act. A year or so ago she was diagnosed with a mild form of asperger's syndrome, and has found some relief from medication. She is v intelligent and i think what has helped her the most is finding a mode of existence and work which allows her to be herself, and to avoid situations where she has to pretend to be what she is not. This may be quite unlike your case, and as somebody else has said, this kind of dissociation is characteristic of depression. Whatever the problem, it seems to me that your work colleagues are being pretty unfair on you -they sound absolutely awful. I hope that you can find a group of people who can better appreciate you for what you are - when they say that you have no personality they probably mean that you don't have their personalities. Sounds like that is a good thing! Good luck, Fiona
Avatar universal
I am the same way. I was called little miss gloom and doom when I was younger. People always tell me you look mad and upset even when I know I have no reason to be. As a matter of fact someone recently took a photo of me while I was sleeping and sure enough, I had a frown on in my sleep. My thing started when I was younger about 15 or 16 I had 2 eye teeth in front that looked like vampire fangs and when I smiled, my top lip would get stuck. Even though, it seems like the cool thing to have now, back then I hated it so I never cracked a smile and even when talking to someone I would purse my lips closed. It was not until I hit 30 and had the money to finally get the teeth pulled which I thought would solve the problem, however only made it worse, As I am even more upset and bothered, by the gaps that were left behind. Anyway, I do have depression as well which is a whole other mess, but the way I see the smile thing now is

1. I have to many other issue's to deal with and
2. Not everyone should be allowed to walk around with a fake stupid smile on their face.
3. People who have really got to know me, know me. And those who don't are often the ones who judge a book by it's cover.
4. The people who you work with seem like they might have already judged you. 2 word's come to my mind Human Resource's. They can't fire you because you don't smile. They should have thought about what qualifications they really needed to fill before they hired you. Either way, It should not be an issue, Otherwise I would have never found work. And I have been managing my own retail store for 11 years now.
Avatar universal
I too feel the same.  It has got to where i just want to stay home and watch TV but i know that just makes it worse.  I think we may just be holding back our emotions because of a certain thing that we think is wrong with us.  I am fine inside my head, but when associating with others, i am just emotionless.  Im just letting you know that your not alone with this.  I have found that not thinking of my "personality disorder" lets me open up a little more.  Also, i try not to spend  alot of time alone like i want to.  Go see a therapist and they can help more than anyone.  
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