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2105456 tn?1334368647

Depression

I've been depressed most of my life it did not surface until I lost my house not from foreclose or not paying taxes..From my family...I had a nervous breakdown and had to go to a hospital...And my diagnose was major Depression......And I did drink....I wanted to change and I wanted gastric bypass surgery was told Yes.....Went to all the hoops..................And was told no..............I knew the risks...............He knew even got a green light from the committee................I was a smoker so I had to stop for 6 months I did..its going on 5years can't seem to adjust to the fact that those people lied.....I see so much about gastric bypass and how it can and will change your life...The positive....I'm going to be 56years old most of my life was terrible my kids are all grown up....My life is miserable....I don't have a man....I don't have a social life no friends.....My self esteem is at its lowest....I don't have feelings of suicide....I just feel like awful..................My Question is how do you pick yourself up..And stop thinking about how awful you feel and about your life....especially when people have told me lies and then just say....they did nothing wrong...
7 Responses
Avatar universal
Hello EJ.  I have been struggling with depression my whole life. Abusive parents, cheating wives, back stabbing friends, over weight, etc. I can go on and on.  It has taken me realizing that basicly.. I had to get up, stand on my own two feet and do what make ME feel good. I have been disabled for the past 27 years. I`ve been married 4 times and have lost everything and had to start over from scratch too many times. The only thing I can say is that since you don`t have anybody to answer to, you should start doing the things you have always wanted to do. Once you get used to being out and about around other people, other things will start to fall into place. Maybe get involved with a church or look into going on a cruise. There are some really cool cruises for singles. Weight Watchers has had some very cool events where people going through the same things can get together. The first step is getting out and about. Nobody wants to be with somebody that "chooses" to be a shut in and isn`t happy with themselves. There are others out here that are dealing with issues close to yours, but unless you let them know who you are, they don`t even know about you.
  I say..If you want that bypass, then keep looking until you find a doctor who will do it. I went to an electronic cigarette Dec.1st 2011 and haven`t wanted or craved a smoke since. I use choc. flavored refill juice and it has helped with both the smoking and the choc cravings. Kills 2 birds with one stone. I also started walking 2 times a day and started eating right. I`ve lost 80 pounds just doing that and I feel so much happier. I like walking at the mall. A lot of people walk at malls in the early mornings before the stores open.
1110049 tn?1409405744
I must say forgottensick has given you lots of sound advice.  I know how difficult it is to go out and talk to other people, especially strangers.  IU have had depression for 20 years, and have to force myself to do things.  Not easy, I know.

Everyone here has depression, we all know how you feel.  Combined with anxiety and panic attacks, life is very difficult.  Keep in touch with us here, and we will listen.  I am overweight too, and the only exercise I do is walking.  I keep my head down, and don't look people in the eye, and that way you are not obliged to acknowlege people if you don't want to.  I have got past that stage, and with the help of anti-depressants live a near normal life.  Do keep in touch, we understand how you feel.  Take one small step at a time.
480448 tn?1426952138
You've received excellent advice already.  I wanted to add, from a Nursing standpoint, that gastric bypass isn't the miracle cure a lot of people think it is.  There is still work that needs done on your part, you still have to have willpower, and follow a certain diet and exercise program.  Also, MANY people end up with serious, life long complications.  

If the doctors did not want to do the surgery, I'm sure they gave you a reason, or some stipulations.  What did they say, besides the smoking?  Did they urge you to lose a set amount of weight on your own first?  Do you have other health conditions that were a concern?  Maybe you still are a candidate, you just have to make some changes first, or get another medical problem under control.  If that is the case, doctors do that because it is in YOUR best interest, for safety reasons.  This is MAJOR MAJOR surgery with a host of possible serious, some life threatening complications.  So, what I'm saying is, it is not a decision to take lightly, and that's probably why the doctors declined you as a candidate, most likely, until some changes were made and you were in a somewhat better state of health before they would attempt the operation.  Keep working with the doctors.

In the meantime, there is a lot you can do for yourself, both for the weight issue and for the depression, you got some great suggestions above.  Of course it won't be easy, and sometimes you don't know where to start, and that's okay.  Just try to start somewhere.  If you haven't already, seek out some therapy, and possibly some medications for your depression.  Start gradually finding some new interests, take a class at your local community college, maybe something you've always wanted to learn, drawing, ceramics, dance.  You will meet new people and start to build your self confidence.

You're feeling alone, and depression is making you isolate yourself, increasing those feelings of being alone, it's a wicked cycle.  You don't have a man, but in all honesty, you need to get to a better place within yourself before even considering seeking out a relationship.  You've never learned how to care for YOU, both physically and emotionally.  Therapy can help with that.  You need to work on YOU before you should worry about finding a partner.  You want a man for all the wrong reasons, because you don't want to be alone.  No one does, but, you should want a partner to share all of the good things life has to offer, to be your equal in every day life, to appreciate every aspect of you, to love you for who you are, inside and out.  But, you don't love yourself yet, and you need to work on that.  It will take time.  You've spent years stuck in the cycle of not liking so much about yourself, putting yourself down, not having any expectations of your life, or yourself.  You deserve so much more, and you can get there, it's just going to take time, patience, and some hard work on your part.  With a team of professionals, it will be a lot easier, than trying to navigate through all of this yourself.

Please let us know how you're doing, we all care.  Baby steps, you have so much that you want to change, and that's great.  Having high goals for yourself is good, but realize that it takes time, and you'll get there with the right combination of medical/psych professionals who can guide you along the way. Hang in there!!
2105456 tn?1334368647
Thank you for your response I quit smoking 3years ago and have not gone back....I felt so happy that I was going to get the surgery....I quit cold Turkey. When I went back to see him...That is when I was denied. looking into getting my PCP to Refer me to another Doctor.......Depression  has  no name or condition...when you feel your life is going good...That is when Hell Breaks loose....I was paying money to my aunt for a house she promised me and she was about to hand over my house..My Mother and Daughter told her lies about me...My daughter gain to get 3 houses and I million dollars and 50 thousand dollars for her daughter college fund..But only to get me off her will It Worked.................Also I got involved with a married man....When I found out....Everything crashed down on me like a ton of bricks. The Last Straw was when I found out he was married...It drove me over the edge that I was committed to a mental hospital for treatment. When I was told by a doctor who said he could do the surgery.And knew that Had One done over30+years ago..That failed He did test to see if its possible and it was and .He said NO he closed the door and his office gave me a nasty letter stating I would not be a good candidate for surgery since I'm addict  to food. These past few month has been Hell I went on diets cannot stay on one no longer that 2-3 weeks..Can't seem to walk very long due to my back and spine I want to retire from my job But will not be able to have medical insurance I have 3 1/2 years to go for 25years of service for medical insurance.....My weight loss is slow and I get discourage....And that is why I'm depress Because I could of had surgery to correct this.....Thank you so much for listing.
1110049 tn?1409405744
I know what it feels like to get involved with a married man.  I have been there too.  Now in my old age, I am alone, except you see, I have a loving family.  I also have a cat who is wonderful company.  I chat to him all the time!!

We put on weight because we eat too much.  I am now on a diet to lose some weight before my sons wedding in a few weeks.  It is in Turkey, and I will also be in a swimsuit!! Imagine that!!  Photos on my site will show you a large lady.

The surgeon must have had his reasons to deny you surgery.  Yes, weight loss is slow, but worth it surely.  Keep going, eat less, you will gradually learn to like who you are.

In the depths of depression I have a very low esteem and can only see a grossly fat ugly old woman in the mirror.  Then I look at what I have got, a lovely family, a little house and garden.  Hardly any money, as am on benefits.  The sun shines, the birds sing, the flowers bloom.  It is all free, and it is for us.  Thank God for the good things.  Think other people are worse off than you.  

Yes we are hear to listen and help each other.  That is another nice thing.  Think how you can brighten someone elses day here by replying to their problems.  Helping others gives us a boost.  

I have been in a mental hospital, I have been very, very low.  I once took an overdose.  I am still here, and carry on with my life the best I can.  We have to.  Don't give up on yourself.  Try to be more positive.

Take care,
Avatar universal
nursegirl said it best. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anybody else.  There is no real quick fix for being over weight and if you can`t or don`t even have the willpower to do what you need to do before anything is done, then you will never  be successful after having bypass. It takes a lot of work and willpower to not go backwards. If you want it bad enough, then you will do what you need to do. You have not and are not going through any more than many other people have gone through and still they have found ways to overcome. You can do it too if you really want to. The first thing is to stop blaming other people and stop with the excuses as to why you can`t do it. YOU CAN DO IT. Nobody is going to knock at you door and say they are there to fix all your problems. YOU have to do it. Nobody hates doctors more than me and I have been played and lied to by the best if them. Almost even died from trusting a few too much.  This is YOUR life and nobody has to live it but YOU. So show them how serious you are by losing at least a few pounds and get into better shape. Your life is in your hands. How bad do you want things to change? Show them that you are willing to make a REAL effort longterm and you will get them to see you as being serious. THEN they will start working with you. You seem to believe that if you lose the weight, everything will be roses and sunshine. You are wrong. I know a lot of skinny people who are just as unhappy and miserable as the next person.  If you aren`t happy as a big girl, then you won`t be happy as a thinner girl either.  Believe in yourself and others will believe in you too.  We are here if you want to try to do it yourself. We`ll help all we can.
Dan
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