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794366 tn?1418009395

Disgusted with my family

I am disgusted with my family because they judge me heavily because I have major depression and have been on disability since 2002.  I finally have been stabilized and am going to school and plan to graduate in a few months and finally get off of disability.  My family does not believe in depression and my older brother who is a doctor thinks that I should get off of medication and go to church with him every week.  He says he wants to save my soul.  My father is disgusted with me because I am on disability and that I am obese.  I had a nice shape all my life but when I started to get sick I started to overeat but now that I am feeling better I have lost 51 pounds and plan to lose another 100 pounds.  My younger brother has gotten into trouble with the law and my parents had asked me to help him out but he didn't turn out to be the person I thought he was and he basically threw me under the bus.  Now my family blames me for his misfortunes and watches over him constantly.  When we go for family gatherings my family puts me down especially my older brother who grills me about why I haven't finished school yet in front of everyone.  My little brother bellyaches about his problems and of course they all look at me.
So this year I have decided not to go to any family gatherings because since I have stopped I have also stopped using my tranquilizers for 2 months. When I go to the gatherings I take the tranqs and it takes me several days to undo what has happened there each time.
I told my mom that I would only like her and my dad to come for Christmas Eve tomorrow for dinner.  She makes me feel guilty in every opportunity by saying she doesn't like the holidays anymore because we are separated.
She just doesn't understand.  When she had a stroke and a brain bleed, they tried to send her to a neuropsychiatist and she refused because she said that she was not crazy and then apologized and said that she forgot that I was seeing a psychiatrist. I now know her true feelings about me and my depression.
What do you think?
5 Responses
1937063 tn?1324239589
I'm sorry you are going through this.  I also suffer from depression. I think I was born with it, but it has become more prevalent now that I'm in my teens.  Depression is my single worse weakness and I know how hard school can be with it (almost dropped out last year).  My family was very much like yours because they all believed depression didn't exist and that I was just looking for attention. The truth was, I had emotional trauma from my childhood that carried over and contributed to the depression.  My parents didn't know about my sexual abuse and PTSD, and continued to make me feel guilty about isolating myself from everything and not going to school.  It got so bad that my dad called the school and didn't know what to do. They sent me to a psych hospital, where they notified my parents that I was suicidal.  They were horrified and felt horrible for the way they treated me those past months. A week later I told them about my abuse. They were very understanding and since then have helped me with my depression. My aunts, cousins, and uncles understand but still think I'm crazy. I realize now that guilt is a very strong factor contributing to depression and I've been focusing more on myself and my well-being.  Please don't let people get you down.  I know it's hard but once you stand up for yourself and tell everyone to go to hell you'll feel SO much better.  My grandma is a master at making people feel bad (she wants my parents separated), and I haven't seen her in MONTHS and I feel great. Know that you haven't done anything wrong. It's their fault for the way they treat you and you don't deserve any of their ****. Don't let people take advantage of you like that because they all have problems and it's easy to bash on someone else.  Oh and my dad's trying to get my to go to church, too. Even though I love him, he's an imbecile. He's changed religion like 4 times now and I'm through following him. Church isn't gonna solve your problems unless you want it to, and there are many different ways to keep you occupied. Be strong and fight for yourself.
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.
794366 tn?1418009395
Thank you for taking the time for answering me and sharing your experiences with me.  Sounds like we have a lot in common and for that I feel like I am not alone.  I am 50y/o and you are wise beyond your years and will take your advice but it is so hard because of the guilt factor.  
I am sorry that you were abused and felt that you had to keep it to yourself. But I am glad that your parents finally know, as they should so that you get the proper help and the support you desperately need in this situation.  I guess we both have long roads ahead of ourselves but at least we are not alone.
Thank you so much----one of the best xmas presents I could have received
Have a Merry Christmas
1937063 tn?1324239589
No we aren't alone. Thinking that just makes me feel lonely. My therapist suggested going to a group therapy for people who have been abused.  At first I was appalled she would even suggest something like that, but now that I've had time to think about it, I feel like it could benefit me.  Maybe you should consider going to a group therapy for depression?
Remember that depression won't last forever.
I'm very glad I helped you :)
794366 tn?1418009395
So glad that you feel that you are not alone.  I am also glad that you find support in therapy group.  I am 50y/o and have been going to counselors, therapists, and psychiatrists, not to mention support groups since I was in my very early twenties.  That just doesn't seem to work for me.  This website to me is a godsend and I find a lot of support here as well.  As far as depression not lasting forever that is not true at least not for me.  I have been on so many of the new meds and their lasting affect would be around 5 to 6 months and then I would be at the depths of despair and depression again.  I even had about 30 electroshock treatments but that did not work.  It was when my doc tried an old antidepressant from the 50's or so, it is called Parnate that I started to find an almost immediate relief.  So far it is the only med that has lasted for about a year without any setbacks.  But I know eventually my depression will come back.  I have refactory depression where the meds work for awhile and then I am depressed again. What hell that is.  So even though I am feeling great now and am making plans for my future by going back to school and getting off of disability which I have been on since 2002....I know that one of these days hopefully depression will never strike again.  But I don't think of that during my days or nights, I just enjoy the time and the "normal" life I have now and deal with it when and if it happens (God willing it won't).
Much luck to you and getting stronger and happier in your life.
Talk to me anytime you want if you need someone to talk to me.
I mean it.
Avatar universal
Angela, i am still here as a friend. I don't know what has happened, but please remember that i do care. Whatever has happened, don't let it interfere with you getting your degree. You have to take care of yourself first. I am still your friend and am here for you to vent your frustrations. God be with you.
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