I think you need to talk to a psychologist and see if he or she thinks you have depression. Whether you do or not, you're not happy with your choices and you're not doing what you know you need to do to be healthy and successful, so it would be good to see if you can find out why.
I think that kind of thinking isn't helpful for you. Why would they be watching you? And why would you care? Now, I know you do care, I'm just saying, anyone who you should care about will want you to be healthy and be supportive. Anyone who doesn't isn't worth your time anyway.
Hi...so, high school can do a lot to a person, most persons seem to forget this. It is so easy to kind of fall through the cracks and become so lost in a sea of criticism and to become entangled with warped ideas of what is considered beautiful. I think the issue you face has more to do with self/body image rather than being depressed. The feelings of sadness might be a symptom of a bigger issue you face, which is how you perceive yourself. I want to stress how essential it is for you to get into the habit of shutting out what everyone else thinks of you from this moment so that it is not carried on into your adult life. It is also important that you acknowledge the people who love you and care for you and lean on them. That is what they are there for. I am sure they would prefer to shower you with love and reassure you of your worth on those days that feel so dark than to have you harm yourself.
Also, do not become so consumed with finding 'someone' who 'loves you for you', The only person who can truly love you for you, is YOU and when you love yourself and you project confidence and show just how truly valuable you are, then you will see how people become attracted to your light.
Wishing you happiness and peace,
Thanks that really got me thinking..