I was first started on anti-depressants over five years ago because stress, anxiety and major depression were starting to ruin my life.
I was also prescribed Clonazepam to deal with panic attacks and I did not have to take it everyday.
They first tried me on Zoloft but it seemed to have no positive effect and was making me feel pretty lousy overall.
Then I was on Lexapro up until about almost a year ago, and that was going very well for me.
But they wanted to see what had the best effect so they even tried me on Effexor XR, I just switched overnight and actually was okay except for a few minor side-effects.
I then had the crazy idea, after five years I decided maybe I should quit this stuff all-toghether?
I had been on the Effexor for several months at this point, and felt okay for the most part but didn't want to be dependant on this type of stuff for the rest of my life.
I was worried about what the long term effects might be.
So little by little I lowered my dosage by taking apart the capsules and taking out a few of the little white balls, just a few at a time everyday.
The big mistake was not going to a doctor and doing this the correct way in the first place, I should not have been doing this on my own, but that's a mistake I am living with right at this moment.
Anyways, i had read about other people who quit it and had little to no problem doing so.
I figured, if they can do it, so can I and I did, for a short time.
I went through the withdrawal effects, dizzyness, light-headed, brain-shivers and insomnia.
Those effects gradually decreased over several months and then I felt good, like my normal self again.
But that only lasted for about two weeks and then all of a sudden I was hit all at once, like being hit by a mack-truck.
I was becoming very depressed again, worse than even before I took any type of anti-depressants.
I was/am crying all the time, feeling deeply depressed, not eating as much as I used to and my insomnia became even worse.
I also have pain in the right side of my chest and it feels tight and like a balled up knot, which I understand is related to anxiety.
Speaking of anxiety, I could not stand being off of the medicine and had no choice but to start taking it again.
But the thing is, I still feel like I have bottomed out and then some.
I have been taking it again for a few weeks now and I still feel depressed, panic, high amounts of anxiety, despair and my mind seems to be racing.
I keep having thoughts about death and people dying, thinking I am just going to die and I feel really sad about everything.
The only thing that calms me down is the Klonopin, and I don't want to take that everyday and become a spaced-out zombie.
Although that might be a better state than the one I am right now.
I actually feel like I am in the middle of a never-ending anxiety/panic attack.
When I can actually sleep, I wake up and there are those feelings again.
Also when I can sleep, I tend to oversleep by several hours.
I feel afraid, alone, helpless and sometimes hopeless.
I have no idea how long this is going to last and it's really starting to drive me crazy.
I have no intentions of hurting myself, I just want this emotional roller coaster to end.
When I go back to my doctor I am going to ask to be put back on Lexapro, unless anyone knows of something that works better?
I don't even really feel like myself half the time and things that I used to do for fun, I just don't care anymore.
I honestly feel like I was just dropped into a black pit and I cannot get out, that's how horrible this is for me.
I feel so much worse than before I quit it, and I am stuck in this major depressive episode.
How do I even know if the Lexapro will help me if I go back to that?
I am just really freaked out about all of this and during the holiday season, this has made things nearly un-manageable, but I know I cannot be the only one to have gone through this.
Even as I write this I feel a sense of dread, anxiety and panic, for no reason that I know of.
Did quitting the Effexor the way I did, and the re-start taking it screw with my mind?
And if so, can this be reversed?
I have been like this for almost a month now and I can't stand it anymore, I am willing to try and medicine that will make this stop.
Also, as might be usual with this sort of thing, my sex drive is pretty much totally gone, and I feel afraid to even sit in a room by myself, which I never had a problem with before.
Alot of these things I am experiencing are things that I never dealt with before, or at least not at this magnitude.
I have tried St.John's Wort twice in my life, once before I ever started on anti-depressants and another time before I re-started the Effexor.
both times it did not help me and I could only take it for about a week because it caused me to have really bad headaches for some reason.
It is a comfort to know I can come here and talk with other people, but it's hard to distract myself from these thoughts in my head that loop over and over again.
I just want to know if anyone else has gone through this or a similar situation and if possible, explain to me how you got out of it.
As it so happens, both sides of my family have a history of major depression, lucky me.
Most of my relatives take care of their problems by drinking and smoking, which I don't want to do.
Anywho, thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this, I appreciate it.
I am open to any reasonable advice.