This is the first time i'm writting on a site like this, but after reading your posts, which hit home and struck a chord (another Greek gal who finds herself trapped in a rut oftentimes), i thought i would ask how you were doing..
Fun fact, i actually googled 'what is truth' and stumbled upon, well, you :)
My problems are made from abuse so....I dont know how to talk about it,,
What? Lower being? I don't doubt you when you say you feel like a lower being, but you know you're not. I get the sense that you're fairly young, and you have to get help with some emotional problems your having while your young. There are people who ignore these symptoms, barely function for years, and 10 years from now nothing has changed. Don't let that happen to you. You deserve to be happy and healthy.
If Depression can be known only by a color, it is a blackness, a blackness of the spirit, a deadening of joy, a bleakness of the heart, an emptiness of goodness and good will, a blight on the newly planted crops that will never know harvest...Depression opens the door to illnesses that might kill us in the long run, heart disease, lung cancer, kidney failures and strokes.
Because depression is a blackness, it is well hidden behind you in your shadow, soon becoming a constant companion that you cannot even recall being introduced to in the first place. Like a succubus, depression will try to take all your hard work with any form of recovery and suck it right out of you with sometimes only hearing one harsh word, having one moment of regret, one thought of yesterday that has not been resolved yet.
When Recovery starts it is like you are given a beautiful lamp with an everburning bright wick that you point into the shadows of your self and your life and as blackness hates the light, it recedes and recedes but always has that long set of fingers on the back of your neck. Only by constant use of the light of Recovery that comes with the tools you have chosen to use can you keep Depression behind you as a follower, and not as a cherished comfortable companion...
I do hope you will see a Medical Doctor for a work up and a referral to a therapy group or therapist who is savvy about Depression and Recovery
and may help you put your own toolkit together either in a group setting or a One to One Therapy....You have such a wonderful life ahead of you
that it is a shame to be stuck and not moving forward as you seem to be doing right now.
Good luck to you
M