Giving up?

[luppylupus]

Well I am just going to give up, no one understands me or how I feel so I'm going back to keeping my curtains shut and door lock and become a hemit again at least being a hermit no one can hurt me and cause me to cry for hours at a time. It didn't last long for my (what is left of it) family to gang up, man my mom is awful asking me if I still look like a cow, maybe I do , who cares!!! I'll stay with the ppl who get paid to come over at least I know where they are comming from. Yep I know I am in a depresstion period yet I deserve to be if I want. If just some one could understand where I am comming from would surprise me. I can't find even one person like myself so if I am the only one big deal. I live every day in pain not one part of my body doesn't hurt yet others who are ill that I have talked to don't take the meds I take so I must either be a big baby or out of my mind. I am starting to think the later must be true. I'm thinking I just need to crawl in my bed and not get out heck no one would notice.I know if I wasn't on a life line then several times I would have been dead several times. That alone is scary in it self. Life is getting scary to me.It is getting harder and harder to get into se my doc since he went to first come first seen thing, I can't do that cause I don't drive I have to rely on disabled transit company who you have to make an appointment with. Oh well life stinks.

[remar]

That's so awful that your niece asked you for money. Your disabled, where did she think you were going to get money from?
You have your puppy and you have us here at Medhelp. We do care about you. Big hugs. Remar

[luppylupus]

hey kay, well I am disabled from several things, I live in pain every minute of the day. Not too many ppl have heard of Anticardiolipid Antibodies along with lupus, I can tell you it is pure heck(I can think of other words), My doc lowerd my meds in half so now even putting on a pair of socks is a chore in keeping myself from screaming.I'm tired of being sick, so far in my 49 years I have had an arotic anurysim bust that caused gangrene for two and a half yrs up to my knees and to my elbows,I had 4 clots go threw my heart at the same time, seizures,heart attacks,strokes and on and on. I'm thinking of putting a DNR on myself then crawling in bed and wait for the next thing to hit. I was on blood thinner for over 20 yrs till I starting bleeding inside. I am tired of waking up after being in coma's and in the icu. nope and there isn't anything I can take to make me better all i get is call back in 6 to 8 months and maybe there might be a magic pill yet there never is.

[luppylupus]

Yep was doing alright till i found out the only reason my neice came over was to ask for money and when i said no that was the end of her.

[cfstorey]

Please dont give up! Not everyone's story is the same, but we can definitely try to be there and support you the best we can!

[kay2486]

hi,sorry to hear you feel like this, what is up with you? thats awful thing for your mum to say to you, my mum told me i looked fat when i went out one night and im not fat at all, nothing wrong with carrying a bit of weight if your happy in urself, i take no notice now whatsoever, im not sure what is clinically wrong with  you if you explain to me i can help

[remar]

I'm so sorry to hear your feeling this way. I thought you were doing better with your niece and her boys coming to see you. That was not a nice thing for your mom to say. Don't listen to it, okay. I know easier said than done. Please know that we're here for you. It's not the same as being there in person but we do care about you. Send me a PM any time you want to talk. Remar