Am i deppressed?

[FlyFromTheInside]

I dont really know how to say it, im rubbish with putting how i feel into words.
Im and 18 year old girl i have a boyfriend but i've always had commitment issues, my ex boyfriend use to "punish" me sexually for like not listening to him or things as petty as that which then made me believe that was the only thing i was good for. I was 16 he was 22. When with him he made it seem like it was okay for me to cheet as he "liked it in the bedroom" so i started looking else where as i was turning 18 and i met this wonderful guy (the one im with now) and then at a party an old collegue took advantage of me when i was drunk and other people recorded it so now my boyfriend has no trust in me what so ever, now i find out my father, stepmother and younger sister think im a slag and they just take the mickey out of me and they dont seem to think it bothers me cause i struggle to ahow people im upset so i lock myself into my room and yern to be helped.

Ive never been a popular girl, i never really had the chance as i was in 5 primary schools so never really got to make a bond with anyone. Then in high school i did meet a select few whom i could get on with but i left half way through 5th year to go to college where i never made any friends and in return i lost all of my friends from school. I never got the chance to spend any time with anyone because my ex was really controlling an now not one of them have the time of day for me at all.

Recently i got myself into debt with the loan company known as wonga and thought i could pay it off with my wages from where i work but once i done that my work cut my hours down and now im struggling to pay them, i owe my dad umpteen phone bills and sets of dig money.

Im also getting really confused too easy these days.. Sometimes i don even know why i go somewhere never mind what day it is which really worries me..

I think ive covered it all and to sum it up.. My family, boyfriend and even new people i meet think im a heartless **** and they just bring me down, i have no friends i have no one to talk to what so ever and im in debt upto my eyeballs and i struggle to get by daily..

I dont quite know where to fit this bit in but i with feeling so down i am begining to not even believe that this is real, i've been drinking heavyly, i also self harm and on two occassions i've took pills till i get really drowsey but im too scared to actually kill myself :/ x i dont quite know what i should do anymore :(

[FlyFromTheInside]

Thanks you guys x i've spoke to my old youth worker who is going to help me out and i aint drank since i posted this... Just gonna be difficult this weekend :/

[martin428]

hey i am an 18 yr old male...i had never had depression or felt so confused in my mind until like about 3months ago....i was a little popular in highschool had lots of friends...i used to party alot and get heavily high, drunk and popped pills, i lately have been thinking to much in my head about anything makeing me feel like im going insane...i find myself questioning life alot and it scares me a whole **** load....i still smoke a lot of weed but i am seeing a therapist every two weeks...i highly recomend you try to see one to...try to cut down the drinking because it can make it worse and too much alcohol ca make you black out and lose control....take care of yourself and find someone to talk to about everything going thru your head

[jasi86]

I understand completely...my credit is ****** and i have commitment issues as well. I also have a son so just becareful. U dont wanna be like me with lots of issues and also trying to support a child and show love even on ur saddest days. It's hard and they can tell when ur sad it that makes things harder.
I'm here when ever u need a friend to talk to.

[sommersrock1]

I would suggest going to the Dr.  They can get you help and set you up with people who can help deal with all the other issues you have going on.  That is a lot to take on and I understand how you feel crummy.  I also wanted to let you know about the harmful effects of Alcohol on the brain and it can cause depression.  Alcohol is a depressant, which means it slows the function of the central nervous system. Alcohol actually blocks some of the messages trying to get to the brain. This alters a person's perceptions, emotions, movement, vision, and hearing.  In very small amounts, alcohol can help a person feel more relaxed or less anxious. More alcohol causes greater changes in the brain, resulting in intoxication. People who have overused alcohol may stagger, lose their coordination, and slur their speech. They will probably be confused and disoriented. Depending on the person, intoxication can make someone very friendly and talkative or very aggressive and angry. Reaction times are slowed dramatically — which is why people are told not to drink and drive. People who are intoxicated may think they're moving properly when they're not. They may act totally out of character. When large amounts of alcohol are consumed in a short period of time, alcohol poisoning can result. Alcohol poisoning is exactly what it sounds like — the body has become poisoned by large amounts of alcohol. Violent vomiting is usually the first symptom of alcohol poisoning. Extreme sleepiness, unconsciousness, difficulty breathing, dangerously low blood sugar, seizures, and even death may result.  And that is just the effects of Alcohol on the brain.  It effects the liver and heart functions as well.  I would suggest you stop drinking alcohol because it sounds like you may be abusing it and it will only make things worse.  I hope this all helps you.  There is also an organization, NAMI.org.  You could get in touch with them to see if they have any help with the things you are going through.  There are numerous support groups everywhere for everything from depression to alcoholism and so forth.  I'd start reaching out and don't feel alone because lots of people go through similar things that you are going through.