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1622040 tn?1299040059

Have i been misdiagnosed with Moderate depression when it's actually worse?

I'm a fifteen year old female, i have been diagnosed with "Moderate Depressive Episode" I have had this well over a year, probably two years now so i know that this is Clinical Depression as it has lasted longer than 6 months. I see two psychiatrists, one private and the other is associated with CAMHS (children and adolecent mental health) Neither of them seem to help me and i believe that i have severe depression or "Major Depressive Disorder" My Doctor has told me that if i was an adult i would be at risk of being diagnosed with "Borderline Personality Disorder/Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder"
Background info;
My parents divorced when i was 10, before that there were regular arguments between them, my Mother continuously threatened to leave and "never come back" She would get drunk and would be violent towards my father, if i intervened she would turn on me, she has held a knife to my father because he refused to give her the car keys. He finally left and he's never really been a father figure, i don't see him that much and he refuses to have me live at his house because he has his own life. Now he has gone, my mother takes her anger out on me and this is both physical and verbal. I moved schools because i wa beginning to get bullied and lose friends, this didnt help and this became worse at my new school, my academic performance and attendance began to deteriorate along with my depression. It was a long time until my Mother realised i had depression and took me to a Doctor. I do not get on with the majority of my family and my Psychiatrist is going to arrange for me to go into care as staying with my Mother is too dangerous, i tried very hard to protect my brother from the fights and arguments yet this has got me nowhere, i just have people criticising me everyday and telling me i'm not good enough. My Mother formed a relationship with my Uncle straight after the divorce and put their houses up for sale as they wanted to move far away and start a new life, i go questioned every time i saw my Dad and his family but now i no longer have much to do with him and i refuse to have anything to do with the rest of his family as they have slagged me off and compared me to my Mother. My Mother has anger issues and Mental health issues like myself. I'm taking 20mg of Citalopram everyday.
• Hyper/down moods
• Angry episodes
• Pushes people away
• Trust issues
• Feels as if nobody understands self
• Gets a kick out of other people hurting/upset etc
• Selfish
• Suspicious of everyone and their intentions, paranoid
• Very defensive
• Anxiety
• Struggle to understand other people, their emotions and actions
• Tired constantly
• Lack of motivation and enthusiasm
• Feel drained of emotion/numb
• Feel lonely but want to be alone at the same time
• Headaches, dizziness
• Talk to imaginary people (I know they’re not really there)
• Talk to self as if there is two people, the bad side and good side
• Hates self, personality wise and looks wise along with intelligence
• Lack of belief in self
• Panic Attacks
• Unstable self-image, one day I can be really confident and the next I hate myself
• Thinks of suicide every day
• Attempted suicide 3 – 4 times
I spend most of my time in bed now and sometimes i don't even get up for a few days, i feel as if i'm on the edge now and i don't want to be here.
Floor seems to move like ripples in water and walls feel as though they are closing in. I feel followed constantly
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