Help, am I depressed?

[Nashbag]

I had the nexplanon implant fitted in January 8th and had it removed march 14th because of side effects. I cry all the time and can be set off by the smallest thing, yet feel emotionless most of the time. I always feel low, I don't want to get out of bed to do anything and will only do so when I have to or if someone else makes me. I get exhausted from the smallest everyday task, such as food shopping, going for a walk, going to work. I haven't felt myself in about a month and a half, but have always had the exhaustion and tiredness for as long as I can remember. Recently I've been having darker thoughts, I don't think my life is going to get any better. I don't feel like I am ever going to feel okay again. I have thought of suicide, but not enough to carry it out or to self harm. I have self harmed when I was much younger (14 years old) and have had counselling for a month or so at that time, but I just felt stupid and didn't want to carry it on. My boyfriend knows I feel low all the time but I haven't told him about my darker thoughts, and I haven't said about it in detail. He knows I cry all the time, mainly in front of him. I love him so much, but this emotionless feeling makes me feel like he can do better. I know if I didn't have him, I wouldn't have anything to live for. I really don't want to go to a doctor about it, I feel stupid and don't tell them exactly what's up. I visited a doctor the day I had the implant taken out and she assessed me to see if I was depressed and came with the conclusion that I'm not. At that point I wasn't feeling suicidal. Just low. It scares me so much, I just want to feel normal again,  have interest in the things I used to like to do, feel the love for my boyfriend and family again.

[crankbonkers]

Exercise is a best workout for protecting us from depression. Two months ago I had faced many problems due to depression. I started doing exercises regularly. Now I'm free from it.

[Nighthawk61]

Dear girl, first things first, you must talk to your mother or father or both, (whom you've said are loving) and leave it with them to deal with. They found you help when you were 14, and they'll find you help now.

Your boyfriend is not equipped to deal with this, so rather than use him as your sounding board, tell your family, then tell your doctor, or get a new one, but deal with this within the medical community. You're right, it's not fair to have your boyfriend deal with all of this exclusively. There doesn't seem to be any reason to break up with him. I'm sure he'll be relieved and proud if you go to your parents with this.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. In other words, the doctors cannot read your mind. and will initiate further treatment unless you speak up.

One thing I don't understand is : How can a doctor assess your mood, without a follow up appointment? That seems odd, obviously your mood would readjust over time, after the implant was removed, right?  Did you not have a follow up appointment?

Also, you went to a Psychologist when you were 14 right, and you said you felt stupid and didn't want to carry on with it. You're older now, more mature, with more to lose. You probably want to get married and have children. You've got a partner. It's worth the fight. You want what your parent's have right? Time to put on the gloves and fight for it, do what it takes like your life depends on it, because your life does depend on it.

There is so much help for anxiety and depression that you can find. Actual things that you can do. You should check them out. I've got many of them on my journal pages, if you want to look at them. God be with you. NB :) NH

[Bubulous]

How long ago did you graduate or did you graduate?

[Nashbag]

Sorry, I'm 19. Noting in particular really but I wouldn't be so against doing anything like I am now. I'd be the first to go on a spontaneous trip somewhere, anything to get out of the house. Now I dread it.

[Bubulous]

Shame shame...you didn't tell me how old you are.  I know you are a woman and you guys don't like to tell your real age but you can lie if you want to lol
Just kidding,
What things did you used to like to do?

[Nashbag]

I meant I am average weight*

[Nashbag]

Hi, thank you so much for writing. I have no physical problems no, and am not at average weight so am capable to do most things. I have a job, working 9.5 hours a week, I see my boyfriend Saturday-Wednesday every week because we live 45 minutes apart, I stay with him rather than seeing each other every other day. Nothing significant has happened in recent months other than the inplant, there is absolutely no reason for me feeling like this :( I have friends and a lovely family! I have zero interest in everything I used to enjoy, the only person I really feel comfortable being with at this time is my boyfriend, because he knows the most about what's going on, and I feel uncomfortable crying in front of anyone other than him, I don't like feeling vulnerable. I just feel there's no reason for me to be here, I used to read about people's depression, that they'd feel like try we're merely existing rather than living, but I understand fully what they mean. It's frustrating because I am usually a very happy person, being this pessimistic and down is scaring me. If there is anything else you'd like me go answer, do tell! Thank you so much, you don't understand how grateful I am, I just need to talk to someone x

[Bubulous]

Are you able to do any exercising or do you have physical problems?  Do you have a job or any recreational activities?  How old are you and do you live with your boyfriend?
Do you have close friends or a good supportive famliy.  Sorry so many questions but it is hard to determine what the problem could be with the information provided.
Feel free to say as much or as little as you wish.  Also you say you have always been exhausted....that is a symptom of depression but if your depression has only been going on strong for a month and a half then we need to know exactly what has happened over the last 2 months.  Changes in routine, stress, loss, anything like that.