Help!

[kmalo]

I just got married 4 days ago, and prior to our marriage, my wife was going through major mood swings.  Her nephew said that it would probably go away after our marriage, but...   These have been going on for well over a year, but have become more pronounced over the last 2-3 months.  She used to go from being a very loving woman, glad to be with me, and very tender, to being angry and wanting to break up.  There are stages she goes through.  First, she starts feeling a low sense of self-worth, usually connected to her heritage (she is Hispanic), and makes racial slurs, or references to me not wanting to be with a Hispanic woman (I am white).  This is followed by anger over some minor thing, usually made-up, or something taken out of context...she even will twist something I say to make it something she can get angry about.  This is followed by statements that she doesn't need anyone, and she does the "independent" thing, where she basically refuses to talk to me, and refuses to sleep in the same room with me, opting to sleep in a closet or on the floor in another room (instead of a couch or something like that).  Sometimes this is accompanied by violent outbursts, and statements that she is breaking up with me.  I have 2 children from a previous marriage ages 8 and 10.  At times this affects them also, as they stay with me almost every weekend.  My 10 year old son is Autistic, and the last weekend he stayed over, he actually made the statement that I promised him he would always be welcome.  She always denies that any of this has anything to do with her, and even told me that my son didn't say that, even though she was not present when he did (the depths of her denial).  As our wedding got closer and closer, these episodes have become much more frequent, where they are happening weekly.  We have only been married for 4 days, and today she started another episode and actually started hitting me and grabbing me by the throat, broke her blackberry that is on my company account, stating she had enough and wants a divorce.  This was after I showed her in her own texts that she once again started this, where she started it, and over what (her having black hair and brown eyes, and my kids having blond hair and blue eyes, even though I said nothing like that in the texts, and never even talked about my kids), along with my constant pleas for her to please stop.  This is usually her final stage, where she tries to hurt me any way she can, mentally, and lately, physically.  It takes her a day to cool off, and then she wants to act like nothing ever happened, that she did nothing wrong, or if she does acknowledge she did something wrong, it was both of us.  Sometimes she tries to bargain...if she does this or that, or acts in a certain way, then I have to do something also.  Once she even tried to tell me I had to give up visitation with my kids except for one weekend a month.  I am hoping there is a magic pill or something that can make all of this go away, because when she is in her 'normal' moods, I really do love her and love being with her.

Please help me...I don't know what to do!

[therese83]

Arent you responsible for yourself?

Why did you marry someone who uses violence against you and has such mood swings,

\\\\you also have a problem, i am not trying to put you down, but do you feel that you deserve to be treated like this ?

Otherwise why would you marry and bring children into such  situation, get help for yoursefl.

[vintagechicken]

This sounds very much like bi-polar.  Your post is SCREAMING bi-polar to me, most especially because of the violence.

I don't see how your different cultures are really playing a role in her mood swings, but then again I don't live there?  Ya' know?

I would definitely recommend you get her into a Dr, if its nothing more than your general practioner.  Then maybe they could refer her to a mental health professional that can help her control the violent outbursts.


I'm very sorry you are struggling with this and being a newly wed, as well.  This is not easy and not exactly the best way to start a marriage?  

[nevesss]

I would file for divorce immediately, and not allow any custody on the grounds of mental disability. Your kids will have bad memories forever with someone like that. If she can't help herself, how will your mariage be. I would have left the house at racial slurs.

[whatashock]

Your wife needs to see a doctor.  Her mood swings and the increasing violence and irrationality sound like the manic side of bipolar.  Some people dont have the depressive symptoms.   When she is really aggitated is she spending money on things you do not need nor afford?  That is a classic symptom too.

What ever is going on will not resolve itself without professional help.  There are many medications that can help her but getting her to the doctor is going to be tough.  Was she on medication in the past that maybe she stopped taking?

Good Luck..

[Guadalupita]

I feel you are in a difficult situation but with God's help you will go ahead. You mentioned your wife is Hispanic, ( I am too, proud of it) how much is she in contact with her culture, does she speak spanish? Have you try to learn about her culture and her first language. I was married to an Ameriacan (white) man who died, And after his dead the most difficult thing have been to recuperate my own identity even my first language, there are moments that I feel lost between the two cultures and the two languages, I could guess that is part of your wife is going thru. I would tell you go to the doctor, even your family doctor can help, and in other hand get close to church, when you put GOD in your marriage as a referee the things go much better. I will pray for you all.Blessings

[Omusicgame]

WOw Kmalo, I really feel for you dude.  Its kinda sad too, because you sound really cool.  But it sounds like shes got some problems.  
For one, I'd say she needs to find that problem, maybe go to a psychiatrist or something
2, It sounds that maybe she is feeling like there is too much on her shoulders or she is being bombarded maybe by your 2 kids and yourself and maybe stress and work.  idk.  Listen, this sounds like the same thing with me and my wife.  I didnt want to be with her, i kinda felt trapped because she was such a good person, and i felt obligated.  Youre wife sounds very similar to me and ive also mentioned divorce with my wife.  Are you just a really good person in which she feels very obligated to you?  See, my wife surrounded me with her family non stop and i hated it.  I felt i was losing me, like who i was.  Her family never understood me, i had to follow her ways, and all because shes been such a good person to me.  And you know what, she never understood what I wanted under this crazy trap.  
Thats what it is.  Sounds like that same crazy trap.  But you should try to see what really makes her happy.  What really really makes her day.  Does she do any kind of dancing?  What kind of music does she like?  Is she close with her family?  Find these things man.  Just be real with each other.  You'll figure it out.  Just focus on what she really really likes and try to enjoy that with her.  Just you 2.  Dont let her feel suffocated.  Good luck