Depression Community
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Avatar universal


I have had depression for a year I think and it had been hard to deal with. I don't have fun any more, no matter what I'm doing I don't feel happy. depression makes it hard for me to ask a girl out. When ever I work up the courage to do so, then i get depressed because I start thinking. She doesn't like me, no girls like me, why would anyone like me, And i get even more depressed. I was even thinking about not posting thins because i thought people would judge me for the way i write and stuff like that because I'm thirteen. Its hard for me to do my homework for my classes because i get them out of my backpack  i get depressed and start thinking bad things...
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Avatar universal
Well, if you're only 13, then most likely it's the complicated things that happen at that age.  I know that sounds like I'm belittling your problems, but I'm not, it's just a really tough age.  You're really too young to accomplish anything with girls but you're feeling pressure to pursue it anyway.  Girls your age are also too young to do a whole lot about these feelings.  Just a tough age, a transition from being a kid to not being a kid.  What I'd do is find someone adult you trust who can talk to you about this stuff -- it could even be a counselor.  Mostly at that age we want to know we're normal with all the changes that are taking place.  But don't let it fester -- do find help.  Good luck, and remember, soon you'll be 14 -- it just gets a lot easier then for whatever reason.
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.  I'm sorry you are feeling anxious and sad and depressed.  First, let me say this.  Depression is a chemical imbalance.  A pretty big deal in our brain chemistry.  When someone is depressed, they have things going on like they don't want to get out of bed and sleep all the time or they can't stay asleep at all, they don't want to do anything that they typically love, they feel like there is no hope, they worry all the time, they cry, they basically don't function very well and this has to go on every day for at least two weeks.  The blues is something that many have and it comes and goes.  You have dark moments, feel bad during that time, etc.  Are you more in the state of having the blues or true depression?  if you think it is depression, I urge you to talk to your parents.  Not about the things that make you uncomfortable like the stuff with girls which might feel hard to talk about with your mom and dad, but the depression aspect.  It would be important to get some help with that via a counselor.  And you will want your parents support!  Depression can happen to anyone!  and you would not be alone if you had it.  But you need adult help with it.

The blues is a little different.  Again, that is something EVERYONE has from time to time.  At your age, you have a lot going on.  It's a hard time in life for a lot of kids.  All kids are different and they are changing--  hormones especially.  I'm the mom of a 12 year old and am noticing already the hormonal things going on with him.  Please know that this is very normal.  In fact, some of what you feel is something that is pretty universal in kids your age.  Something that REALLY helps with the blues and these feelings is to connect with your friends.  Your guy or girl friends---  talking with them and not feeling alone is very helpful and good for our well being.  when we feel isolated, it makes things worse.  So, how are your friendships going right now?  

Another thing that helps is to shift your focus.  You want to be with girls and have them like you, etc.  Well, working on things within your control like school work, sports, playing your instrument, getting extra knowledgable in your favorite subjects, etc. all help with self esteem which helps with that feeling of confidence with girls.  That's a life time lesson.  Work on you, builds confidence, confidence attracts others and helps you to overcome fear of rejection.  :>)  

I wish you the best of luck.  
Avatar universal
Just one correction -- if depression is a chemical imbalance, nobody knows what those chemicals are.  So we don't really know if it is or isn't.  We don't know what causes it.  Just because drugs can make you feel better doesn't mean they have anything to do with the cause of the problem.  Why this is important is that pharmaceutical companies several years ago spread the idea that it was a known chemical imbalance with serotonin -- that was mostly Eli Lilly doing that to sell more Prozac.  However, current research is focusing on Glutamate receptors in the so far fruitless search for that elusive chemical imbalance -- it seems to have nothing to do with serotonin.  It's best not to get caught up in that thinking because it sounds so fatalistic and we really don't know if it's true or not yet, so please, don't feel hopeless even if you eventually get a diagnosis of depression -- it's just a description, not a statement of knowledge that we know what's causing it.  Heck, a lot of researches are now looking at it as an imbalance of beneficial intestinal organisms or chronic inflammation.  Peace.
973741 tn?1342342773
The point of what I've written above is to make a distinction between a clinical diagnosis of depression and feelings of the blues for a 13 year old boy in distress.  We could easily debate what you think is correct information and what I think is correct information but I don't think that would be helpful to the poster.  Neurotrasmitter abnormalities, irregularities in brain structure and function, neural circuitry problems, and environmental issues such as stressors and triggers are all wrapped up in what science says causes clinical depression.  Depression is complex and more than the blues.  

So, to our poster, if you feel that you may have depression of a clinical nature, it is important to talk to someone--  parents, teacher or counselor.  That can be serious if left alone.  And I don't want you to suffer!  These are hard years and dealing with hit under the heaviness of depression can be overwhelming.  So, please ask for help from those that care about you in your life so that they can set you up with a professional to talk to and work on that.

Having the blues, as I mentioned, is something everyone has.  It too can feel terrible.  I do not minimize that.  But some of the other strategies may help counteract it.  

We're here to help and I wish you the very best.  
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