Hope for an answer

[Chezaferris1112]

Heyya I'm 17 and well I just wanna know if I'm attention seeking ive been thinking about it a lot lately especially when my boyfriend said I am an attention seeker. I am a residential student at college and can be very lonely as I'm too scared to go out and talk to people so I stay indoors but being indoors keeps me from doing things and ever since then I have been self harming I know it's dramatic of me and stupid but I dunno what I can do I hate being at home and hate my family, I can be in a mood a lot from time to time over nothing and can be very paranoid about things easily and jealous. I don't mean to be a grump or shout at people and I really don't mean to be down in the dumps most the time. I am paranoid of socialysing and get a lot of angry thoughts in my head, and imgine arguements and get angry with myself for it. I do sometimes wish a lot of bad things happen to me though I am very much afraid of dying but wish I was dead sometimes. And really have no positive thoughts about anything am nothing but negative. This is probably just me being me but I just like to know so my boyfriend and dad might stop thinking I'm an attention seeker or depressing.

[Chezaferris1112]

Thank you, I been thinking I need help but sounds stupid I feel bad for trying to find it, I worry a lot about what people think sometimes and do like to hide away a lot, I get scared of what would come of any actions I may take so I don't really know what to do I have no confidence in me no self esteem it's hard for me to find the courage to call for help but I came on here to see why people might suggest but I do thank you for your comment I do appreciate it a lot

[nursegirl6572]

I've read this thread, and the other one.

You REALLY need to heed the warnings in the other thread.  Human intuition is protect oneself from danger, hence the fight or flight response.  We're supposed to react to situations where there is perceived danger, usually by getting OUT of that situation.  You aren't doing that.  That's not a normal reaction.

You're afraid to go to the police, yet you're afraid of what your BF will do.  Abusers are never happy with the status quo...you better bet, since you allow it, it WILL get much worse.

Hon, you need some intensive mental health help.  There are a LOT of issues you need to sort out.  I sure hope you do that.  Good luck.

[Bubulous]

I understand.  I do most of the time but I have trained myself that way.  It does take some time but you can do it.

[Chezaferris1112]

I am trying to seek some help from a counsellor but just having trouble finding one I am trying to look on a good side of things but it difficult but I do thank you for your help and I will try to see things in a good way but it really is a challenge

[Bubulous]

Self harm and things like that are obsessive behaviors and they are an unhealthy was of coping.  I am not being a hypocrat because I do it too from time to time but I don't want to and I am learning of new ways to cope without doing it.  If you don't or never had an addiction problem you are running the risk of someday finding yourself in the cycle of addiction because cutting and using drugs release dopamin so with the obsessive behaviors going on as a way to escape reality you really need to, as specialmom said go see a counselor about these behaviors and the problems you are having.  Some people are not capable of killing themselves and you may be one of them but wishing you would die isn't going to help either.  If you don't have the will to live you can never enjoy this life and you are young so with some counseling you may be able to enjoy the rest of the years of you life.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I posted to you on your other post.  I'm a little worried about some mental health things going on.  You write of abuse from your boyfriend which is unacceptable.  I really believe in my heart of hearts that you should be seeing a therapist and psychiatrist and working on these issues.  Good luck dear.