How do I fight this

[Charmii1988]

I am struggling to fight off suicidal thoughts at present and am finding it extremely difficult to find anyone to talk to who would understand or listen and be of assistance.
I am a 23 Year old female, I have been suffering mental illness and seen numerous people since the age of 10. I recently had a son (10 months old) who was removed at birth because of my underlying depression etc.
I have since struggled to find my place in the world, as I have always only dreamt of being a mother and starting my own family and am finding it extremely difficult to prove this is the case.
I recently (three weeks ago) broke up with my partner, we were having problems on the last occasion I asked him to leave as I had a panic attack and could not breathe as a result of our heated argument.
He left and ignored me for a couple of weeks, I ended up in hospital for overdosing however when I woke told them it was a mistake and I would not do it again. I have been secretly fighting the urge since though and am feeling really scared and alone.
My ex partner is on speaking terms with me however it is confusing me, I love him and I do believe he loves me but at the same time I feel as though I am grieving his loss as well as my sons.
I do not have any real friends, only people adding to my stress and do not have much faith in the support networks I have been offered in the past.
I do not sleep at night as I fear being alone and am having panic attacks/emotional breakdowns all the time over anything and everything.
I am feeling extremely overwhelmed at the moment to the point nothing seems accomplishable.
Please help.

[Anneinside]

I have been suicidal and attempted suicide several times. I think one of the keys to reduce suicidal thinking is to focus on a reason to live. When doing well, I wrote up a list of reasons to live, the strongest being that I hold the memories for my daughter who died when she was 16. The other things that help are medication and therapy. If you feel close to the edge of attempting then go to the emergency room and get help. I have done it. It can be difficult but it is the best thing to do.

[skralysgirl]

hey im also a new mother my child is thirteen months i struggle with mental illness... ! it ***** i dont know what it is like being suicidal my mother passed like that when i  was eight i know that i wont go that way i have panic and anxiety i guess they say i have a mild bipolar disorder i rarely ever feel normal..! I dont know what kind of help your getting for your depression. meds therapist ?? i go to a physco therapist i really learned to keep down anxiety and panic. that was my worst symptoms i get depressed i think about death more but i am terrified more death than i am life. But do you excersie that works better than anti depressants there was a study that says after six weeks excerisce and anti deppression meds tied for effectiveness after six months excerise blew anti depress meds out of the water now im not say ing if your taking anything to quit but maybe add phyaical activity in. mental ilness is some of the worst illness there is. But its like anything else your mind is connected to your body so in essence your mind is is sick your body is in top preformance. diet excersice sleep omega threes are all so very good for you what do you do for yourself when you feel depressed.? My thoughts are to you mental health is one of the toughest battlesi just really hope you understand things will get better especailly if you believe it. your child will be happy if you stick around. believe me

[jeffmason]

Im sorry to hear this charmii
If you need to talk me im here ... and stop thinking about suicidal thoughts