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Avatar universal

How do i fix myself?

I'm not sure what it is and I don't want to self-diagnose myself and begin to project symptoms onto myself but its started to become a big issue. It was a slow thing at first since I was used to being alone or made to be independent so I usually didn't bother with the opinion of others.
I recently started college and since starting I've begun to feel trapped in my own mind and like my body and I are drifting more apart and becoming two different beings. Mentally I've become numb to a lot of things that I know should bother me like the action and words of people. Whatever is said or done doesn't really have an effect on me in the moment but when I get home and I'm alone I cant get it out of my head and it becomes something that's more malicious than it started off as. I have a loving boyfriend and a great group of friends that make me happy but after that peek I always end up quickly crashing back down to a dark low.
I've stopped caring about things that I know in my self that I should care about and I've lost motivation. The only way that i can get my work done is by cutting. Most of the time I wake up and just wish not to exist or I fall asleep wishing that I don't have to wake up and pretend to be happy and okay when I'm in this place when I'm numb but overly sensitive at the same time.
I cant talk to my parents about it cause I come from a household where its not acceptable to have mental issues and they all can supposedly be solved with the help of 'Jesus' but I'm not religious. I have pre-standing physical medical issues that they ignored until I was hospitalized and others that they tell me not to worry about cause 'god will help' so I don't know who to go to. How do I get help? and whats wrong with me?
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Avatar universal
First, you say on your profile you're male.  Are you?  But it generally sounds like you're getting depressed for some reason.  You say cutting is the only way you can get your work done.  Do you really believe that?  I'm guessing not, you know you can work without doing that, you're just choosing to do that as a way to cope.  But look, you're in college now, your mind is as open as it will ever be to information, and if you heard someone you knew was harming themselves because they felt they couldn't function without doing that, what would you advise them?  Probably to see a therapist, yes?
And I'm hoping your college has help for this, as I realize it's not something your folks are going to pay for.  Does your school have basic medical care?
Sorry, the male thing was an accident. I've tried other ways of getting myself motivated but they don't seem to work and its hard to be trying out new ways when I have a lot of work to get done right now. I have no clue what I would do if someone around me were doing the same thing but therapy would probably be my first suggestion. Not sure if my college has a mode of dealing with this kind of thing.
Then it's time to find out -- most colleges have some sort of counseling and some sort of health care for their students.  It's part of the tuition.  Unless it's a very small school or a community college, there's probably a lot of resources you have access to and I'd think this is at least as important as the things that are taking up your time, yes?
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