I just wanted to put it out there, that there are many wonderful folks that come here with such good insight. It has helped me tremendously over the months. I couldn't have done it without the insight of many here. So it's not only a post, it's a thank you!
I thought it would last a lifetime, but I never quit looking for ways up and out of the depression. It's still there, lurking at some corners, but it isn't as hopeless as it once seemed to be. Hope is to believe. Hang in there everyone :-)
It's always been with me - sometimes it takes over and other times I manage to beat it back down but it's a very fine balancing act for me. At the first signs of it creeping on me I do something about it - I look at my priorities and see where I can make changes, I discuss it with my psych and when necessary alter my medications.
CL - Bipolar Community
I'm in the 15+ year range. Mine began in adulthood along with PTSD. It has taken over my life and I hate it. I remember who I used to be...what a difference.
20 years of history of depression
Since I was 12 and am 57 now! I was told I will be on meds for the rest of my life because my body does not make the stress inhibitor to handle it on its own. I have learned how to manage it pretty much over the years and as long as I remember that it is temporary and get up and get out and not give in to it, it is usually short lived episodes. It is like anything else, is manageable when you want to manage it. The problem is wanting to. lol
Wow thanks for all the posts! It's so awesome to hear the personal experiences of others and know really you aren't alone. I can relate to all the posts. Depression is such a dynamic illness, no two people get the same thing, but we all know that if we try and keep trying eventually a good healthy pattern emerges, what ever that means to you personally :)
Seems like all my life. It started when I was 12 and my parents thought that I would grow out of it. When I left for college, I started self-medicating with drugs, then when that wouldn't work any more I turned to alcohol. 40 years later, 5 years sober, and taking meds and talk therapy, I'm finally getting help.
7 Years I have battled with mental health problems
i have been depressed for about 10-15 yrs now and recently found out i have been depressed for this long. but i am glad that i am able to come to this site and be inspired and encouraged by all of you to look on the brighter side of things and share our experiences with each other. i don't feel alone anymore
At first thought, puberty came to mind, but then I remembered some behaviors & the way I often felt as young as 7-8 that definitely fit. Symptoms differ, but I'm still workin' out the kinks.
Depression is like driving, sometimes there are "curves" in the road, or bumpy at times.
Whenever you decide or realize what's going on, you've set out on another journey. It's not at an easy "trip" for most, but a beneficial one. I have days where I think "ugh, not again", but then I realize that I need to be gentle on myself that day. Self care is so important with Depression and other Mood Disorders.
I 'think' it started when I was 14 in art class. I stopped doing my work. I was very talented and a gifted student. A comment/incident by my Father I realize now triggered the 'dark cloud'. It was perpetuated by a vice principal that same day. I did a funny sketch of him in that last attempt at art class. It somehow end up on his office wall. He called me in. I thought I was going to get in trouble. He told me how pretty I was and sat on the end of his desk starring at me. He came closer and I moved away. That day marked the beginning of the downfall. It all got worse after that. When I did something wrong at home I was taken as a rebellious teen. It all went downhill from there. Lots of stories. I end up going back to school at 29, university and college and have an excellent reputation in my community. I remember now, while actually talking about it, that I could feel the 'dark cloud' descend during a time I stole a piece of plastacene from kindergarten and my Mom hit me hard enough to produce alot of pain in my leg that day and made me return it the following day. I recall being jealous of a friend in the summer of grade one and the father taking it as I was being rude and told me to go home. There are feelings associated with the downest parts of my life from childhood. For the most part I feel I was 'misunderstood'. Misunderstood till I could voice it. Now I can voice it.
Seems that we have many similar problems... I was diagnosed with MDD at thirteen, but now when I look back, it seems I was never happy as a child either. The most important thing to me is to never give up, there is help out there, whether it be meds, people or other stuff. Twenty-three years and still fighting!
mine started at the time on my conception. I was an unwanted child by my mother who abandoned me and my father when I was 6 months old. She walked out when he was at work and left my in my high chair for him to come home to. My grandmother quit her job and my Dad paid her to watch me for the first four years of my life. We move din with my Grandparnets. That was probably the best time in my 51 years that I can remember. When my Dad remarried when I was 4, he married a woman with 2 boys ages 5 and 10. From the age of 6-8 I was forced to perform sexually acts on them. Then their cousin started until I was about 10.I always felt that I was not part of this family. Then they had a son, then a daughter whom my step mom named Joy because she was so thankful to God that she finally had a daughter! Can you imagine how I felt her telling every one that. Iwas not sure where my place was in this family but I thought I was her daughter! I always knew something was differnet but was not sure until I was 13 on the story of my birth and parents.Even then, they told me so little and I have been confused and depressed and felt unwanted and unloved ever since. I try not to harp on this and think I am over it, but then depression slips in..... and I revert to those old feelings and despares.Now my adult life is so messed up and I can not control it at all.
I've been depressed for over 15 years, and it's about 15 years since it became bad enough that I've been suicidal and self-harming on and off. I'm 24, almost 25. I don't even really remember what it's like to not be depressed, and I've come close to nearly ending it all... several times.
I recently lost an extremely important friend... who abandoned me and now hates me. He abandoned me in the midst of a suicidal episode, yelling at me to do whatever I wanted as long as I didn't tell him about it. I tried to kill myself soon after, but obviously failed.
It's not even my life, really... I mean... my life is okay... lonely, but okay. It's me. I feel miserable even though I have all the necessary stuff. I just hate myself so much I wish I could die. I don't feel I deserve any of the good things I have and I really don't look forward to life.
... Seriously, the only reason I'm alive is that I care about some people, like my family, and I don't want to kill myself in a way that's obvious. And therefore, very reliable ways of ending my life are out. And the ones that I've tried have all failed. And now I'm out of ideas.
Sounds like recently you've had a rough go of things. Do you have a psychiatrist or a doctor? As well, are you on any meds for your Depression? It might be a good idea to speak to your family doctor if you don't have a pdoc. So much depression is caused by chemical imbalances, not who you are or what you've done in life. I would really suggest, if you are still suicidal, to think about meds. You've already had a serious attempt, and you are here, so you want to live. Some friends get so shocked and the only way they can react is to walk away, it depends also if you've talked about it a lot with them, friends are friends, but they aren't trained therapists. You are very lucky that it didn't work, you have a whole wonderful life ahead of you, trust me it does get better, it really does.
Keep in touch, and see your doctor!
I have suffered from depression for most of my life. It was only recently I was diagnosed as having Bi-polar Disorder.
I have been on so many different SSRI's and they really messed me up and made my depression worse. I don't know why it took so long to diagnose me. Anyway, because of the misdiagnoses and with my mind being a complete mess for so long I started to drink pretty heavily. I almost ruined my life from alcoholism.
I think it is so important for people who are depressed to seek help. And not to be shy about it either. If your doctor gives you medication take it and if it makes your symptoms worse, let him/her know.
Now that I am on the right medication I am feeling fantastic! I actually feel normal for once. Combined with therapy; I think I can actually have a chance at a normal life.
Yep, things recently haven't been especially nice. Sure, many people have it much worse... but that doesn't really make me any stronger.
Anyways... no I have no doctor or psychiatrist or meds or any sort of treatment for the depression. I could possibly afford the doctor... but definitely not the meds and my insurance only covers stuff after we've paid more money than we have in the first place. So that's a no-go.
As for why my suicide attempts didn't work... it wasn't that it was half-hearted on my part. It was that it had to be something that wouldn't be caught as a suicide attempt, but rather as an accident and one that didn't involve or hurt anyone else. Which meant that the most sure-fire and violent ways to take my life were out of the question. I'm still not dismissing getting new ideas, but so far I haven't got any.