How to get rid of temporary depression and thoughts of suicide

[WonderousTeacher1992]

Hello. I am a teacher that is having a tough year. Earlier this year, I split with my fiance. It has been almost eight months since our split, and I recently found out that he is now married and has a baby on the way with a young girl he has only know for four months. A month after we split I got with a guy friend that was in a relationship. Due to being hurt over the break-up, I was not thinking clearly. My guy friend and I hooked up and had sex with no condom!. I always have sex with a condom and not sure what made me not have sex with one that night. Maybe it was my cognitive dissonance. Weeks later I was presenting symptoms of a possible STI. The gyno told me I had Trichomonas.

I understand it is minor and it cleared up right away with antibiotics but I am still very sad, and this incident happened six months ago. He has taken all STD test and was negative for all except for Trich.

Each time I go to work, I see how innocent and sweet the kids are, and I wish I were that way again. I had no care in the world. This makes me very sad. The fact that all of my Exs are with other women and happy while I contract an STI and have depression. I was always the good person in relationships, and I always get the short end of the stick.
Around the time my period is to be expected, I develop this depression. I now have developed suicidal thoughts.
I constantly keep replaying the night I contracted an STI. The last thing he said to me was, "Go to your doctor. I promise you will have nothing to worry about".
I also developed Ovarian cysts and while the pain is subsiding it still makes me sad around the time my cycle starts. I am so sad right now.

[mandysue987]

my depression mostly effects my stomach.  but I have tried a couple of times and just slept all night an the next day.that was no good I want try that again I lost the trust of my doctor and now the family I have left shy away from me.i am 77 and tired of all the abuse of me and my money. ovarian cysts I had them but the surgery was not bad'

[mandysue987]

wow you just have made some bad choices but there is someone you will find him you may have already met him or might be a friend. I put a picture in my pillbox of my favorite nephew se that sweet face and the thought goes away I don't want to desert him. he has not met his real father. he is in prison she told him if he ever wanted to meet his dad she would take him to
see him.

[specialmom]

Hello wondrous teacher (all teachers are wondrous--  big respect for teachers if you are one!).  I am so sorry you are hurting.  That IS really hard when you think the guy you are with is -- the one -- and it ends.  AND, the further painful experience of that -almost the one- moving straight to another person and marrying or having a child with them.  Ya, it burns on the inside for sure.  Have you ever seen the old movie -When Harry Met Sally-.  There is a whole scene in which this happens to Sally.  My way of saying that it hurts and that scenario hurts all who go through it.  You are entitled to feeling bad.  If you have occasional or frequent thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself in any way, it's time to really get to work!  That is depression in it's fullest and most dangerous form.  I would talk to your doctor---  you can talk to any doctor as the first step---  your GP, FP or OB with a psychiatrist a the person best to work with you ultimately to overcome depression and a psychotherapist/talk therapist is also so very important.  PLEASE do this.  

I remember your battle with trich and how much that upset you.  I see you conceptualize that it is common and in the big scheme of things, not a life changer.  But it doesn't help for me to tell you that because it is a symbol of what is wrong with this picture in your life.  

Let me also tell you that I've had a bad break up in my life.  Face down in the carpet crying break up.  Depressed and sad after.  But it was years ago.  I met a man after that and we married.  Two kids and a couple of decades later . . .  that man who broke my heart is a distant and irritating (really) memory.  Give yourself time to heal.  

But first, PLEASE talk to a doctor about the suicidal thoughts because you need to be safe so you can have the bright future you deserve.  hugs and we are here if you need an ear.  

[WonderousTeacher1992]

Wow! Thanks you all for the comments and the beautiful comments. The worse thing about this depression is that it happens during the time my cycle is about to start. I am unsure if it is hormones but I become really sad. Right now I am ok. I really have a very hard time believing that I contracted a STI and a fiance that left me all in the same year. I never thought that my adult life would be this way

[CurfewX]

I second the notion that teachers are wonderous!

First, it does sound like you have some hormonal depression going on, and you really should see your doctor about that.

Second, it does sound like you're dwelling on what's happened this year, and while it is natural to grieve a lost relationship, please believe that your life won't be "this way" forever.  It sounds like you're being overly harsh on yourself for a mistake that led to Trich.  Girl, if I were to write a book titled, "Mistakes I Have Made,  Volume 1," it would make War & Peace seem like an informational brochure.  Give yourself a break, please.

Break-ups suck, hard.  You may need therapy to get past this one, or maybe, as was the case with my last huge break-up, it really sucks every day until one day, it doesn't anymore.  I had to get myself out of the rut.  I made new friends.  I got involved in new activities.  I changed my hairstyle and color (a couple of times).  I went to new places and did stuff I've never done before.  It helps to get out of a routine that allows for constant reminders of the lost love.

Is that man, who could so easily change his mind and leap into another relationship, worthy of your tears? I'd say not.  You're worth better than that.

Look into therapy, see if you can get checked out for possible depression issues, and do your best to watch 2017 fade into the background as the new year approaches.

[Paxiled]

Second the above post.  If you have hormonal problems, and it sounds like you do, and you end up on antidepressants, they won't do anything about the underlying problem.  There are natural remedies that might help with the hormonal part of this, and knowing what it is can also help.  Exercise is really good for it, and if you exercise really really hard, as serious women athletes do, it can get rid of your cycle problems altogether.  Doesn't mean it will, but it might.  As for break-ups, they have always been my biggest weakness, and I've had a lot of them.  That's grief, not depression, but if you dwell on it long enough it will become chronic insecurity and depression.  At some point we need to learn to let go of loss, and the above suggestion of therapy is a great one.  Good luck.

[Paxiled]

And there's nothing innocent or sweet about all kids -- were you innocent and sweet as a kid?  Humans are always a blend of things, and those of us who think too idealistically about people, such as our lovers, can be badly hurt.  It also helps to know this about oneself earlier rather than later not so one becomes mean or hard but just to understand oneself and why things hurt so much.  Time will heal this if you let it, take it from one who hasn't had a lot of success doing that.  Peace.

[AnxiousNoMore]

You have been dwelling on this one night fling incident for a long time, considering that there were no lasting physical effects, and are also spending energy thinking about things that can't happen such as the ex and the carefree life the kids are living.
If possible, it would be better to focus on something that can happen and also that is positive. Since you are experiencing suicidal thoughts it is a warning sign that you should seek help. Have you tried therapy?

[Colitis123]

Hang in there sweetie things will get better