How to make myself get help?

[Mdown]

I've suffered from depression and anxiety for so many years now. I'm 26 and can't remember a time where I felt 'normal'. On top of this I'm fairly certain I have aspergers at least on a mild level, since I'm very awkward around people even those I've known for a long time. These three things (anxiety, depression, awkwardness) make it really difficult to get anything accomplished and I'm basically coasting through life on a razors edge hoping I don't fall off. I log onto Facebook and see all my former friends doing amazing things and it just makes me all the more hopeless.

Logically I know I can get better and be happy most of the time, and its this knowledge that has saved me from suicide so many times already, but I just cannot seem to take the first step in getting help. Just the idea of even admitting to anyone that I'm not happy makes me extremely anxious.

What have others done to get through the hurdle of asking for help?

[4Maddie44]

You make a lot of sense.  We are your friends here, and completely understand.  

I cann ot help with your question about insurance as I live in the UK  and we have the NHS (National Health Service) over here.  

When I was first diagnosed with depression I really could not believe.  I was working at the time and went to the doctor because everything was such an effort.  I knew nothing about depression then.  

Now you keep on posting here, because you have friends, and people who understand.  I am so sorry that you are having such a bad time at the moment.  I do hope someone on the site who lives in your country can help with your query about getting a doctor.

Keep in touch please, and let us know how you get on.  I am concerned about you.

[Mdown]

Thank you so much for the comments. Had another especially bad day today and came back to this site. To give you an idea of what i'm dealing with, I've probably posted the same kind of plea on half a dozen other sites over the years. I always clear my browser history afterwards so nobody finds it. And usually I can't work up the courage to come back and follow up on the site. Anyways...it's pretty pathetic but that's what I've done. Trying to hide from it and not let on how sad I feel. I think instead I come across as cold and unemotional to people.  

Anyways, I will have to try calling a doctor. Right now I just got on insurance and don't have a primary care doctor yet (actually I have never had one since I graduated high school 8 years ago). Could I call my insurance company and would they be able to direct me to someone? My biggest fear is actually that I can't afford therapy based treatment. I know it's expensive and time consuming compared to simply being out on pills. But I know it's what I need...to work through whatever underlying issues there are.

Sorry if that didn't make sense or fit together. I'm just trying to resist the urge to delete it and not post a thing!!!

Thanks again!

[4Maddie44]

How about you take someone with you when you see a doctor.  They can ask the questions.  You could write down what you want to ask, and the other person could do the talking for you.  

I know it is really hard to ask for help for yourself, but you know you cannot go on like this.  I have cried many times in front of doctors and psychiatrists.  They are used to that, and there is nothing they have not heard before.  

Don't worry about crying etc.  just do what you have to do.  I picked up the phone many times to make an appointment with doctor, and it took a lot of guts to eventually make one.  I kept putting the phone down, but I knew I had to get that help because I was so ill.

Yes it is a huge hurdle, but you have to get over it if you want to feel better.  Have you someone close who can encourage you to seek help?  

Keep posting here, and we will support you all we can.  You are not alone when you are on this site.  We all know how you feel because we have been there.

[erikka89]

i dont think i ever asked for help
because, in fact, if i ever did
id prolly fall down my kness and cry or something
but ive tried a lil, asked a lil
but i think i always try to look better than i am
always

[brice1967]

I'm sorry that you are going though this.  It's a road I traveled and it is a lonely, miserable road too boot.  The good news is, you're not alone on the journey.  There are many folks here who know exactly how you feel and they are eager to give you some support and great information!

I'll profess that you've jumped a few hurdles already.  You've acknowledged the problem and you've expressed interest in working on it.  

You sound a little bit like me.  I was reluctant to get help for a little while.  Actually, that is a lie.  After my diagnosis, I waited 15 years to go get help.  It took me almost losing everything important to me to actually get out of my own way and get the help I needed.

A great place to start is with your primary care physician.  He/she knows of any number of therapists that can help.  Once you have that information, you have to make the appointment and follow through.... you've got to show up.

The next step is the hardest.... at first.  Now you've got to tell your story.  You'll probably have to tell it numerous times, but each time gets a little easier.  Each time you tell it, you may uncover something knew, so its important to remember that this is not a mundane task.  It's a necessity.  

I had this mentality that, I didn't want to tell my story at first.  I didn't want to get labeled as a "nut case".  I got around that when I realized that the person I was talking too was a complete stranger, so I just let it all go.  As soon as I started talking, it got easier by the minute.

You'll have homework, like journaling or logging when you have a mood change.  This is to try to establish what triggers your mood.... You'll probably want to do a bit of reading regarding your diagnosis, but not too much.  (I got rather obsessive and read a book every 3 days, regarding my diagnosis.)  

Lastly, you'll probably have to be open to taking some medicine and following through with future visits.  Patience is essential....  Find some, even here is a good place to vent or get some support.  You also have to know that this road too is a long one.  it is doable... way doable.