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Avatar universal

How to reduce my need for companionship...

After suffering childhoid traumas and blocking the memories I finally regained those memories and dealt with the consequences. The ppl with the answers I wanted about that time period have been dead for decades so I accepted that they did what the could for me at the time. It was not their fault that the help available was not adequate to keep me from ruining my life for the next 45 yrs. After the trauma I was shunned by my peers and as a result now suffer from social aniexty disorder. (In addition to severe depression, biploar II, and PTSD) the most recent trauma to cause the PTSD was being beaten nearly to death by a boyfriend. I ran into him at an HIV service we both use. Being nearly blind (cataracts) I did not know he was there until he approached me or I would have left before he saw me. He suffers from schizophrenia and PTSD. It became clear that he blames me for the assault charge that keeps him from findibg a decent place to live. I can no longer use the services offered by the organization where I ran into him or travel to a large area of the city we live because he can see me long before I see him. I know its just a matter of time before he tries to hurt me again. Since the gay and HIV communities are centered in the area he is living I no longer have a community to try and build my support group in. How do I lessen my need for companionship since I am effectively a prisoner in my home? VA is dragging their feet about fixing my eyesight and until I am able to see clearly I am afraid to travel to areas of town he frequents. A protective or is useless. It only allows the cops to locate the prime suspect after they have hurt or killed you. I do not have the resources to relocate to another city or I would. So how do I learn to like veing a recluse?    
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Are you a veteran?  You mention the VA.  How old are you?  I ask because being gay and having HIV are not the only commonalities we have with others.  I'm neither gay nor have HIV but that has never stopped me from knowing those who do.  If you're a veteran, you have a veterans community, and I'm guessing in that community there are people who can help you both with your isolation and your protection.  There are also religious communities and intellectual communities and video game playing communities etc.  Isolating oneself is part of your anxiety disorder and depression, we all do it, not just those who are gay or have HIV.  I can't tell you how to overcome this, I can only say, if you're good at joining the HIV and gay communities, then that skill will transfer.  
973741 tn?1342346373
Wow, that's terrible.  I feel for you!  You must feel so isolated.  This is semi extreme but if I had an ex that could pop up any time and has intentions of hurting me (and mental illness making it even more likely he would), eye sight that didn't allow me to see it coming, fear keeping me from getting the support in life one needs, and living my life to the fullest, I'd consider perhaps a new location to live.  Lot of cities have gay communities.  You could consider a new place t live?  Is that an option at all??  
973741 tn?1342346373
Hi, I hope you come back and tell us how you are doing!
Avatar universal
Could you get someone to come visit you? There are lonely people out there who would like to visit someone.

Do you have room for a roommate to move in?

If you can't go out, then maybe it can work the other way, where people come to you.

Schizophrenia is wicked. People suffering from that tend to be paranoid and afraid of everything and have weird thoughts that the world is against them (especially if they don't take their medication, and half of them think nothing is wrong with them and they don't need medication and refuse to take it.)

Maybe, here's a long shot, just an idea, get to know someone in a nearby town, far enough away you'll feel safe, close enough they can come visit, start a relationship with them, they'll want to move you to their town. I haven't thought this through. Dating websites are full of spambots now.
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