I'm 17 years old, I'm a senior in High school, and I live in average middle class home. Nothing is really wrong with my life, I'm healthy, attractive, popular, and intelligent, but even though I have a family that loves me, a group of friends at school, and a best friend, i still can't help but feel so sad all the time. This feeling of being so low started about a year ago, I think what sparked it was when I broke up with my boyfriend. But the thing is, even when I was still with him several months before, I remember sitting in my room and wondering how is it possible that i'm still not happy. So I know that this sadness was creeping up on me long before I broke up with him. I find myself sulking around more and more, and a genuine laugh is so rare for me now. I used to text everyday, and now I text maybe once a week. I've also gained 7 pounds, and I have gotten more acne. I'm a lot more emotional, little things make me break down and cry. I cry all the time, sometimes I'll start wailing when nobody's home, but there's no particular reason why. My best friend contacted my dad and told him she thinks I need to see someone professional, she's the only one who really knows what's going on. I tell the rest of my friends excuses almost daily, but I think they're catching on. My parents asked me if I was depressed, and I lied and reassured them I was fine. I just don't want to cause anybody trouble, I don't want anyone to worry about me, but it's becoming a problem. Lately, I've been having thoughts of suicide, even though I know i'd never really do it. I keep thinking things like "what's the point of even being alive", or "I just want to end this suffering". It's so scary that these thoughts are actually running through my mind, a year ago I would've never imagined I'd get to this point. It seems like it's just getting worse and worse, so I don't know if i should start seeking help or stay strong and push through. I really don't want to take medication, I don't believe in that. And starting therapy doesn't seem like it's worth it since i'm moving away to college in less than 4 months. I don't know what I should do.