I am 38 years old. I have a wife of 14 years, 3 young children. I recently finished my MBA from an institution with a very good reputation. My problem, I just feel empty. I don't have any friends. I have no hobbies and, actually, no interests. I can't stand being around my wife and kids any more. I resent my wife because she does whatever she wants, has friends, has hobbies. She works for her parents so she has tons of flexibility with her job and she uses it against me. We live in a city we can't afford. She let's the kids destroy everything in the house and everything in it. If I have the audacity to get irritated with the kids (ages 8,5,3) for not cleaning up after themselves, I get accused of not letting them be kids, usually in front of the kids. This is a constant area of contention. We don't have much intimacy. I generally find out what she's thinking by reading her blog.
We had an argument last night and I seriously wanted to just leave...disappear and not look back. What I ended up doing was going and sitting in a Walgreen's parking lot for an hour. I realized that I had nowhere to go.
On top of that, I just started a job that I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate. I am miserable because I left a mediocre job at a company with great benefits that I could coast at for a high profile job that will require a lot of effort and two weeks in I just can't find any passion for the work.
So, I've thought about suicide. The fact of the matter is I don't think I'll ever do it because I'm too chicken. I'm afraid of what it would do to my children. What if there is an after-life? I'd have to watch them grow up with out me. It seems to me leaving would be better, but I have a fear of being alone.
This is somewhat ironic, because most people think I'm the happiest guy around. I've been nicknamed smiley. I just feel like I've tried to make other people happy my entire life and now there's nothing left and I don't know how to start making things better.
Sorry for running on and on. I'm just miserable.